(Closed) We seem to ALL go through it..What is it with MILs!?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I truly have no problems with my Future Mother-In-Law. She has been very supportive and both her and Future Father-In-Law are super excited for the wedding. In fact, I love FI’s entire family and really enjoy spending time with them.

Post # 33
Member
6518 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@helpabeeoutplease:  I have a very good relationship with my Mother-In-Law, she really is like a second mother to me, I can talk to her about anything. Thank God. Even after I got the ring, she was so helpful and happy, she offered to pay for our Limo, Rehearsal diinner and threw me a surprise Bridal Shower. And closer to the wedding she made me a check list of all the little things that had to be done (and thank goodness she did that because I really didn’t think about those things! one of them being the marriage license!!!) She really is amazing.

She can be a little overbearing, but in a protective way, but means no harm! DH knows how to handle her and knows when to backoff. Shes not pushy, or dramatic in anyway! I am very lucky to have her.

I can’t say the same for my SIL’s mother in law. She is a special woman. I can’t stand to be around her. Thank God the only time I have to see her is for our niece and nephews birthday. She is not even my Mother-In-Law and I can’t stand to be around her for 5 mins! My SIL has a thick skin and knows how to put someone in their place, especially her. Me personally, I couldn’t deal with that. LoL

I give women who have horrible MIL’s a lot of credit. I wish everyone was as lucky as me

Post # 34
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t have that problem at all. I live with in walking distance from my Mother-In-Law.  I think we have the same sense of humor, both adore her grandchildren, and just like each other in general. 

My mom’s Mother-In-Law only liked my mom, in the begining.  She was Roman Catholic and Irish, the thing is on top of that she was divorced with three kids, at time when that was not very acceptable.  My mom really catered to her and respected her.  We lived about 8 blocks from her in NYC and would be standing outside my grandmother’s job waiting for her everyday, and when she walked out us kids would be yelling GRANDMA at the top of our lungs and running to hug her/telling her how much we missed her.  A little sucking up and respect goes a long long long way.

 

My mom’s mother was a real BI-OTCH.  She got my dad fired from two different jobs, cause he was teaching in catholic schools and was married to a divorcee.  So rather than try to help her own daughter’s family,  she tried to starve us. No one’s Mother-In-Law can top that. 

Post # 35
Member
7951 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have been blessed with 2 lovely mother in laws.

Post # 36
Member
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@helpabeeoutplease I had the same situation, my Future Mother-In-Law loved me before we got engaged but ever since wedding planning started she has been horribly rude to me and my family.  She does it in a passive aggressive way too.  I have left family events numerous times in tears because of her comments, I am very lucky thet Fiance sticks up for me but it is a really difficult situation.  I try to only focus on the positive things in my relationship with her because I know it is important to Fiance that we get along.

Post # 37
Member
19 posts
Newbee

My Mother-In-Law is a major pain in the ass. She’s been that way from the beginning of my relationship with Fiance. At first, she was extremely jealous of my relationship with him, to the point that it was just creepy. My own mother suggested that Mother-In-Law was in love with her son. Mother-In-Law tried moving heaven, hell, and earth to keep Fiance from moving in with me a few years back, but fortunately it didn’t work. Now she calls him at all hours of the night for stupid “emergencies” like not being able to turn the TV on. 

I am extremely jealous of friends and family that have good relationships with their MIL’s 🙁

ETA: Shortly after Fiance and I got engaged, Future Mother-In-Law started wearing an extravegant bridal set on her ring finger. She’s been divorced for 20 years. Coincidence, competition, or just creepy???

Post # 38
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t hate me or anything, but she’s not exactly thrilled by my existence and having to share her son. My fiance is not a mama’s boy at all and was pretty quick to put Future Mother-In-Law in her place when she acted poorly towards me in the beginning, so she understood immediately that there would be no power struggle because she would just lose out on time with him.

Nowadays she is nice, but I seriously doubt that she’ll ever warm up to me beyond being civil/reasonably friendly, no matter how much effort I put forth. It sucks and I feel sad and envious of friends whose FMILs/MILs adore them – but I’ve accepted that I’ve done my best and it’s out of my hands.   

Post # 39
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My Mother-In-Law is awful. It took forever for DH to be able to stand up to her when she was interfering too much in our lives. She called me a couple weeks ago when she heard I was looking for a new car and proceeded to tell me how stupid her oldest son was for buying the kind of car he liked, so don’t buy a car that I would like either, otherwise I will be forever stupid in her eyes. Wtf? She was horrible during wedding planning too and we had to go so far as to move our wedding date up so DH could get out of her house faster. 

She has become more civil toward me because I am the only one of her daughters-in-law who act remotely cordial toward her. It only lasts for about 5 minutes at a time though, and then she’s found some other BS reason to hate me.

Post # 40
Member
9967 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@helpabeeoutplease:   I love my Mother-In-Law.  She’s a great person.  But sometimes she is so clueless and hurts my feelings. 

For example, since my husband and I have been together (we met in July of 2011) I’ve gone out of my way to do things for her and take care of her (she’s partially disabled and older).  I’ve cooked her meals, cleaned her house, taken her to doctor’s appointments, rushed her to the emergency room, you name it.  

My husband has been divorced from his first wife for 7 years.  Still, over the holidays she had put together a photo album for him from his childhood and old school pics, etc.  She actually put in their wedding pictures and pictures of him and his ex together.  UGH!  I was highly pissed and also very hurt.

I even asked my husband at the Christmas dinner if she even likes me.  🙁

Post # 41
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It’s crazy how everything changes. Same thing with mine. She seemingly loved me so much and we had the best relationship. I would follow her around whenever I visited and we would just chat about all our shared interests. I admired her so much, and she would tell her son how much she loved me. 

Sure enough, we got engaged and wedding planning began. Now it’s nuts! She is making up issues where none exist, such as me not financially helping her son enough (I’m in a full-time graduate program, babysit whenever I can, and I’m about to buy us a car with my savings), he is unsure about the wedding since he wasn’t jumping for joy about talking to a vendor when we were visiting them, he must be unhappy with me since he seemed sad during a visit with them when everyone knew he just lost a job due to funding, etc. She’s questioned both me and our relationship when we haven’t given an indication that anything is wrong. And they have given us the most difficult time about the guest list, even though they aren’t paying. She is continuously guilting him that he is going to grow distant, that she doesn’t feel involved in his life, that she misses him, and so on, when he is such an attentive son.

We will just continue not saying or doing anything she can hold against us. 

Post # 42
Member
9449 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

sorry you are having issues.  I had no issues with the ILs, they were super happy for us, did not try to involve themselves.  Everything was fantastic.

Not all ILs are crazy.

Post # 43
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@helpabeeoutplease:  I really don’t have any issues with my Future Mother-In-Law or Future Father-In-Law. I’ve been dating their son for over 6 years and when we got engaged in November they were both beyond thrilled for us. I feel pretty lucky because I know a lot of people aren’t so lucky (either because the In-Laws suck or because the DIL/SIL sucks).

They also understand what its like to be pressured when wedding planning. They wanted a smaller wedding and wound up having over 250 people – big Italian NYC wedding. So I doubt that they will attempt to pressure us to invite more people or to do something we aren’t comfortable with; they tend to be pretty easy going and accepting of our decisions though.

Would you consider sitting down and chatting with her about stuff? Or maybe having your Fiance do that? Things will only continue getting worse if you don’t discuss it.

Post # 44
Member
11736 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@helpabeeoutplease: I guess I’m a lucky oone because I love my Mother-In-Law. She is the sweetest person in the world (as is my father in law). They would do anything for me. My mom is actually the crazy one and I feel bad for DH that he has her as a Mother-In-Law lol.

 

Post # 45
Member
3507 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@helpabeeoutplease:  Yikesssss!!! Hopefully it gets better!!! My Mother-In-Law turned super pushy when I got pregnant -_-

Post # 46
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My Future Mother-In-Law is super nice to me.  But, I am also the closest thing to her and future grandchildren!

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