(Closed) We seem to ALL go through it..What is it with MILs!?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 62
Member
629 posts
Busy bee

Same thing, she was a sweetheart until the ring was on! To add to what others have said, I think part of it (at least for me) is jealousy, but not how you would think. She and Future Father-In-Law are divorced, and she sees Fiance as being most similar to Future Father-In-Law. I think because she couldn’t make a marriage work with him, she wants to make sure ours is sabotaged from the on-set. Also, she sees Fiance as the only one she has any control on, and she hates losing that. Add to that, she wanted her sons to marry Jewish girls who’ll say yes to anything their inlaws wanted in exchange for financial gain (no offence to the other Jewish bees intended, this is how she was when she got married the first time) and respect their elders no matter what, and I’m not that at all. I was raised with a backbone, and to respect those who respect me in turn, no matter how old I am.

Even Future Father-In-Law has said she needs to apologize to us, and he tries to be diplomatic when it comes to her.

FTR: He also pictured his sons marrying girls like that, but he loves my personality now that he’s gotten to know me!

Post # 63
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

@helpabeeoutplease:  Neither of my parents had Mother-In-Law issues, I won’t have a Mother-In-Law 🙁 My FI’s mother died before I met him. I’m really sad about that because she was super sweet (from his stories, family stories, videos, etc.) None of my cousins have Mother-In-Law issues, at least from what I can tell and our family is pretty close. Well… I guess my one aunt is crazy and an alcoholic but she had all daughters, so not quite the same.

Post # 64
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I have IL issues….the Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t talk to me, literally hasn’t asked a single thing about the wedding. Doesn’t even know what my dress looks like. She knows my shoes because my fiance sent her a picture.

Future Father-In-Law…he doesn’t like to give me space. I don’t like hugging randoms just my parents and fiance. He grabs me and kisses my cheek and gets saliva on my face. It’s so gross. I don’t want to be rude and say stop. I just wish he would give me my space, he says I need to get over it (it being my not liking to be grabbed and hugged every time he sees me and when I leave). Ugh…

I think my fiance hit the inlaw jackpot…me not so much.

 

Even christmas, not to be rude…but I got a travel blanket and a 5 yoga class pass for christmas, fiance gets tools, a radio, money for winter gloves, and a few other things. My parents spoil him like he is their own, gets just as much stuff, all kinds of tools, clothes, goodies, gift cards, tons of things. It’s weird….whatever…I wouldn’t be upset if I only seen them once a year unfortunately we have to see them at least once a month, which is too much for me.

Post # 65
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My Future Mother-In-Law was great – through the 6 years of dating before we got engaged, and even for the first year and a half of our engagement. It’s just now that she’s become a complete and utter freaking nightmare. I swear, if she thinks it will give me fits, then she does it. I mean it took me 3 months to talk her down from wearing purple or teal to the wedding (I’m having a fairly neutral palette and, God forbid, didn’t want her looking like the crazy that wasn’t informed of such) and I thought we had agreed on a nice, elegant (as much as possible for a 65 year old lady) black dress. What does she text me that she bought? A charcoal dress (that I swear looks navy/lavendar in the photo) and then goes on to suggest that the groomsmen wear charcoal vests so that she matches!! I just told her the groomsmen would be in classic tuxedos with black vests. Not to mention she’s demanding a certain song that Fiance hates at the mother/groom dance and wants to have her very own grand exit from the reception!

Newest fun from her? She wants to have freaking beta and goldfish as centerpieces at the rehearsal dinner. I’m so exhausted by her antics that I’ve just thrown my hands in the air and given up. I get he’s her son, and the baby of three boys, but damn woman – chill out and back off!

Post # 66
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I like my fmil, but damn is she opinionated. I feel like I’m constantly trying for her approval, but I’m not thin enough, or pretty enough, or what she wants. She has never said anything bad about my appearance, not even close, so it probably stems just from my own insecurities. Funny, I rarely feel that way with Fiance though. I feel like I got incredibly lucky, but at the same time I don’t feel inadequate

Post # 67
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I love my future ILs.  Future Mother-In-Law has taught me quite a few things about baking bread from scratch (without aid of a fancy bread machine or anything else) and canning (yummy delish tomatoes) and my Future Father-In-Law has to be the gentlest man on the planet.  Future Brother-In-Law and his wife and Future Sister-In-Law and her husband and all the nieces and nephew are super toward me.  They’re all really happy that Fiance finally found a decent woman.

And now I’m tearing up ’cause I’m missing them…  DAMN.

Post # 68
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@helpabeeoutplease:  no idea lol….. mines italian as well so its like 100x normal lol

Actually my Mother-In-Law isnt that bad (as it used to be) but what I found out is that its actually my Father-In-Law who starts all the shit and HE gets her going!!!! Currently Mother-In-Law is fine outside of a few issues but Father-In-Law…… my……dear…..god… that man can be insufferable! He is basically causing any and all drama in our lives. We have kinda figured out the root though… because my DH and his sister were brought up in the “typical” italian household (mom stay at home, cooks, cleans, takes care of kids…..father is working working working, hard personality), his dad is now realizing that after the death of his dad (my DH grandfather) that he hasnt had the relationship with his son he should have…and all of a sudden he’s trying to CLING FOR DEAR LIFE… and in the months leading to the wedding it was almost unbearable how passive agressive he started to get with me!

Luckily DH understands whats happening and he gets why I have a bit of an “attidute” towards them sometimes….and he also knows and has stated that “my dad needs to stop, its too late”…. but we’re still working on the TELLING Father-In-Law part :s

Post # 69
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My Mother-In-Law has been mostly kind to me. Sometimes, she says very inappropriate things. I am glad that we do not live close to her.

I don’t like the way my Mother-In-Law treats my BIL’s wife and gossips about her other DIL to me. It makes her appear rather two faced and low class.

My husband’s Mother-In-Law is ignorant, controlling and ridiculous. We have never been close, but she used to try to butt into our marriage and our wedding. I can’t wait until my parents retire and move out of the country. I will miss my dear loving father, but I will not miss my mother at all. 

Post # 70
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I used to not mind my Future Mother-In-Law, but she is so false I find it really hard to find any sort of connection with her! She’s like it with everyone – FI’s cousin sees straight through her (she grew up in their house due to issues with her own mum) and sees exactly what I mean. Unfortunately Fiance thinks the sun shines out of her behind because he can’t see her falseness.

She is also incredibly loud and in your face – I was brought up to be polite and considerate in public, and not to do things others might find unacceptable. I accept that I’m possibly too far to the quiet and worrying about what others think side, but she is way too loud in public and inappropriate with strangers, and it makes me super uncomfortable!

I’ll also admit to the fact that my Fiance and his mum have a crazy close relationship, that freaks me out just a little bit! It’s something I’m learning to deal with though as I know it won’t change.

She is always trying so hard to do things to make stuff special, but I would feel more welcome and part of the family if she just treated me like any member of her family! I’ve told her this too, but she doesn’t seem to get it. Everything is so forced and fake, and she has to make sure everyone loves her all the time. It’s really hard work massaging her ego, and I think she’s got really low self esteem issues, hence the need to seek approval.

FI’s dad is an absolute angel, a quiet farmer, and everyone who knows them always jokingly says they wonder how he ever put up with Future Mother-In-Law for all this time!

Anyone who has tips on how I can handle being embarassed in public by Future Mother-In-Law and deal with her loudness please let me know.

Oh, and also any advice on how to suggest outfits/colours for her to wear to the wedding much appreciated too! The outfit she wore to FI’s cousin’s wedding was truly horrific, and I really don’t want her to wear something like that to my wedding (and I know that sounds selfish, but it was so bad it ruined the photos!)

Post # 71
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Mine was super sweet I treated her so well before we got engaged. We talked on the phone a few times a week, went shopping together. Then we got engaged. You can read my full story on my thread but at least yours is paying for things to have a say. Mine is not paying anything yet she thinks she should make all the decisions. She has called us cheap, told us people won’t come to the wedding because it’s on a Friday, told us it’s a bad year to get married because these are a lot of family celebrations such as graduations, weddings communions this year. And when she heatd my dress bushet at the store ( I invited her to be nice) the first thing she said was “why is your budget so low?”

 

Post # 71
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’ve only met Future Mother-In-Law once (!) and Fiance and I have dated for 2 years. His parents live 8 hours away and their jobs make it very difficult to leave town. So I really don’t know yet if she’s psycho, haha she might as well be considering all Future Mother-In-Law horror stories on the Bee :S Guess I should concider myself lucky. The wedding isn’t until 2016 (we’re waiting until we both get our Masters degree) so she has plenty of time to show her true colours 😉

Post # 72
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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helpabeeoutplease:  This board kind of cracked me up because as I was reading your first few points it summed up my Future Mother-In-Law to a T. Some nights if she’s had enough to drink she will go off at me and start bawling and accuse me of taking away her “sunshine” then she sings to my Fiance the “you are my sunshine” song.. It’s kind of creepy, lol. When she’s sober and excited about our wedding she wants to give a whole bunch of suggestions and be involved in the planning because (although she LOVED eloping, with both of her marriages) she feels like she missed out. She’s also massively jealous. When she first saw my engagement ring she had the nerve to tell me that it was “gaudy” and too big and flashy, and she bragged about how much she loved her tiny diamond. Then a week after our engagement she and her second husband went out, bought a new ring, and she was showing it off announcing that they were “re-engaged” and planning to have a vow renewal. I was just in a bit of shock since we were still in the process of announcing our own engagement. My reaction was literally, “oh… well isn’t that nice.”

The Future Mother-In-Law and I have a love/hate relationship to say the least. I’m just hoping she doesn’t get drunk on our wedding night and throw a fit about losing her favorite child. He and I are currently in the process of moving out together into our first home and she has not been handling it well… Oh well, life goes on 🙂

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