Post # 1
So we set a date that he likes. I’m doing the happy girl dance abnout to tell my best friends BUT THEN. He says he wants to wait 6 to 9 months before the wedding to tell anyone. I have no idea why but for some reason that doesn’t sit well with me. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel about that. I am respecting his wishes and keeping my mouth shut but I’m bummed out that I can’t share. I have a lot of friends who would love to provide services for my wedding to cut down on costs and they need to know for planning reasons. While I love my friends dearly we have a huge circle of friends from highschool and secrets like that are hard to keep! I asked if he was just nervous and what the reasoning was and he just gave me what if’s. They weren’t even possible what if’s.(robots declare marriage defuntc, zombies, armagedon etc.) I said then we postpone, it happens all the time. I dont want to answer the question “have you set a date” with “Yes, but I can’t tell anyone until next year” Any suggestions………..
Post # 3
This would be throwing up some serious red flags if I was in this situation. Maybe try talking to him again about it? This seems a little ridiculous. Zombies??
Post # 4
I agree that is NOT okay. You need to let him know that setting a date means that you are starting to plan. To plan, you need to be able to send out STD’s, book vendors, etc. And if those vendors are your friends, they HAVE to know! I think he is being unrealistic and you need to let him know that once the date is set, he needs to be open to sharing that date with others.
Post # 5
Yeah. This makes me uncomfortable. Plus I would think your family would want to be in the know about a wedding more than 9 months ahead of time (especially if you’re engaged already- obviously it IS posisble to have a short engagement) But it sounds like this is a longer (than 9 months) engagement. Something tells me he is not ok with whatever date was picked.
Post # 6
If you just set the date, maybe he just needs more time to adapt or get used to the idea. For some people, big changes don’t come easily. It sounds like he might have his reasons, and is just giving you silly reasons. I’d give him a little more time, and meanwhile have a discussion with him about it.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
It sort of seems like he maybe isn’t sure about the date…. Has he told people you’re even engaged? Has he been forthcoming of that info?
Post # 8
Our friends and family know we are engaged and are extremely happy and saupportive. The date was decided by him and was completely up to him. The engagement will be about two years if everything goes according to plan. I think he is afraid of telling people to soon. He is afraid something could happen between now and then and doesn’t want to risk the disapointment. I am going to sit down and talk with im about it more. I think giving me such a lame answer was his way of saying he’s nervous. He wanted to get married 3 months after we got together so I’m not worried about him backing out. (he’s put in more than one could imagine to prove himself) I saw HUGE red flags at first but I decided to not freak out and give it some time. As was suggested he may just need time to wake up to the fact that we just took the next step. I am also thinking that the failure of many of his friends relaionships around him is making him feel more cautious. Please keep the ideas and suggestions coming. They are appreciated!