Post # 1
Fiance and I decided early on to have an adults-only wedding. It was an easy decision – there are literally NO children in our close family. The youngest guest will be my first cousin, who will be 16. The only guests that really have children are some of my mother’s friends – even if we were having kids at the wedding, they likely wouldn’t be invited. We are not having any children in the wedding party either.
So, we put the names of all those invited right on the envelopes. On the RSVP, it listed the parties invited, and had a spot for them to accept/decline and select a food choice.
But my Fiance still had his boss ask if she could bring her son. When he said it was adults only, she made a comment about how young people these days keep making it adult-only, how older people always invite all kids, and how she’ll have to get a babysitter. Luckily, it sounds like she had a very ‘light’ tone about it, and Fiance said “no” very definitely. But talk about ackward – his boss??? While I don’t think we did anything wrong, hopefully she’s not offended for his job’s sake!
Post # 3
hm………. I had a friend tell me that she was having an adults only wedding and she told me way in advanced, I had a lot of time to find a baby sitter. I would not want my child at a wedding where there is nothing for her to do besides socialize with adults. Boring for her and stressful for me, no thanks.
Post # 4
If the boss is so upset about it, she could always not come, which would be the polite thing for her to do.
I think weddings have evolved from adult affairs to family affairs and now are returning to adults only again. I can remember as a kid my parents leaving me home loads of times to go to weddings I wasn’t invited to. I always thought weddings were for adults.
Post # 5
Weddings ARE for adults. Children have no appreciation for the commitment being made, and the sincerity of the occasion. It’s a wedding, not Chuck E Cheese. Like I have said before, some weddings are so formal, they are comparable to black tie events. Would you invite a five year old to a charity ball? A gala? No, they would never get invited, and for good reason. I have never understood why people are so offended when children aren’t invited. If you do it in a polite manner-which I believe you did, it shouldn’t offend anyone.
Post # 6
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: I wholeheartedly agree with you when it is a more formal event or especally an evening event. I had one person complain to me that her children had never been to a wedding and that because of that I was obligated to invite them—otherwise they might never get to attend a wedding or know about marriage…
Um, ok, but it isn’t *my* responsibility to educate *your* children about marriage and weddings, that is the parent’s or parents’ responsibility.
Sheesh! Why is it so difficult for people to understand that a couple has the right to invite or not invite the people they choose and the people receiving the invitations have the right to accept or decline the invitation at their leisure, but NOT to berate the hosts about their choices.
Post # 7
I don’t have children yet, so maybe I have no business saying this, but when kids aren’t invited to a wedding, why do some parents totally flip out that their kids can’t come? It seems a lot of the horror stories on the bee are of parents giving the bride a hard time because they have to find a baby sitter. Do these parent’s never go out without their kids? Just sayin’.
Post # 8
@ILuvDance17: I don’t know wny. Most of my friends who are moms are eager to leave the kids at home. They want to have a few drinks and not have to chase a kid around the dance floor and leave at 10 because it’s already 2 hours after the kiddos bedtimes.
Post # 9
That’s so rude of his boss. Tact must go out the door when you reach a certain age as well. Wth!?
@Mrs.ChubbyBunny: We’re choosing to make ours a celebration of family. It’s small, and intimate (about 50 people).. I couldn’t imagine celebrating our wedding day without all of the kids. I can’t wait to see our nieces dance on Mr. R’s feet!
Post # 10
I know the issue of kids is a pretty hot topic overall. But at the end of the day, I don’t see how anyone can argue that it shouldn’t just be the couples choice. Couples can decide if they want to get married in a church, in a garden, if they want a local affair, or want to travel around the world, if they want to have 700 guests or want to elope— the guest list is the same way. If a guest has a problem with who is, or isn’t invited, just RSVP no! We’re under no obligation to invite your kids – and you’re under no obligation to come!
In his boss’ defence, she accepted the answer, and is coming. Just surprised she even asked. She isn’t an immediate family member, or someone travelling across the country, or someone with a newborn.
Post # 11
I’ve spoken to many people from different circles and none of them WANT to bring their kids. Hopefully that remains true once our invites go out because we are doing adults only. A late night, open bar reception is no place for children in my opinion.
Post # 12
wow that’s insane, and so rude of his boss, I do NOT understand why people would want to bring their kids to a wedding. Though I don’t have kids myself, I personally do not want to pay 90$ pp especially a CHILD and have them not even eat anything… though my Fiance feels differently he’s extremely family oriented early on we had tons of fights over kids coming to the wedding. I just don’t see the point… It’s a fine dining establishment, there won’t be any entertainment for them AND we already have to cut so many family members due to the venue size…
I think people just do it to piss you off… especially since you said you had everyones name on the invite and even had the menu options so its PRETTY straight forward that your only inviting them.
Post # 13
Yeah, our wedding isn’t really going to be kid friendly. It’s going to be a formal ceremony, in a cathedral. Followed by a 4-course sit down meal (~$55pp not including any drinks – there is no kid option or price) and an open bar. We’ve also already topped out the number of ppl we can fit into the venue – there definitely wont be any room for kids to run around.
Post # 14
A dear family friend was planning her daughter’s wedding in Florida to her now-SIL from California. The groom’s family and the entire bridal party flew out from California several days in advance, and the MOB simply hired my sister and I to babysit the lil ones for all of the pre-wedding events. We set up a pseudo-nursery in the condo where the bridal party was staying (it was their four babies we were watching) and had a grand time making a ton of money (from a teen’s perspective) and the lil ones had much more fun with us than they would have had at a black tie affair keeping them up until 2 am. (honestly, my sister and I were poking each other to stay awake by the end of the nights sometimes lol).
Conclusion? There is always a solution, and it is absolutely never necessary for a guest to bring their kid to a wedding that is not kid-friendly. In this case, the MOB went above and beyond and arranged the VIP child care for the guests, but if she hadn’t, the guests could have figured something out! There is always a competent local babysitter dying to make $10 bucks an hour to give you peace of mind!
In the opposite direction, my sister and I also babysat for a solid week for a couple attending the wife’s sister’s wedding CA (from FL). We moved in the house for the week (we had babysat for these kids since the youngest were infants, so we knew them very very well)… but again, there is always an option! Stand your ground ladies!