Post # 1
turns out we have very very different ideas about how our wedding day should be. I have always known we are different in a lot of ways but its one of the things that i think makes us the kind of couple we are. I like it that way. We have not set a date yet and are just at the beginning of getting serious about an engagement and rings and wedding planning in general. So it was our first conversation about the details of what we wanted for our wedding day.
We obviously both want to get married. But, he is not going to be the groom that just says “ok honey whatever you want is fine” . NO. not one bit. He has very solid ideas about how he wants the day to go. I too have some things that I knew I would always want on my wedding day. The problem is they are complete opposites.
I grew up catholic. He grew up baptist but gave up on organized religion some years ago. He believes in god but chooses to have faith in his own way rather than to have it dictated to him how he practices his faith or how he approaches his relationship with God. that is fine. I have known this. Although I am catholic, that term for me is used loosely. I was raised catholic and when i do go to church its a catholic one but for me my faith is more of a personal thing. The problem in regards to our wedding is that I do still want some catholic tradition incorporated. It is super important to me because of my family and how i was raised. He wants a non religious wedding. Like no readings or anything at all to do with religion. He thinks it should be simple and about the vows we are saying without all the fluff. I agree but I also think its kind of beautiful to incorporate some tradition into it as well. I like some of the fluff
We talked a lot about it last night and it was not a bad conversation at all but it really just made me start to see that when we actually do get into actively planning that its going to probably be a tough thing to navigate for us. We were on the same page as far as the type of wedding we would have in general like how big of a wedding we wanted the kind of reception we would want and the over all feel of the day and how we would want our guests to remember it, the fact that we both would want to write our own vows and not have a huge wedding party, we both agreed that some things we would not even be interested in at all such as wedding favors and details that neither of us really cares about, that we would want to pay for it ourselves and so on and so on. its mostly the ceremony part (the important part lol) that we did not agree on. I know we will figure it out when the time comes but it was really an eye opener for me and it scared me I guess 🙁 I understand its his day too and surprisingly he has thought about it prior to us actually getting close to the real thing. But I cannot help but feel disappointed that I already know I will not get the wedding I have been imagining in my head for so long and that due to how he feels ill be forced to leave certain things out. Im sure he will compromise and I do not think he will shut out my ideas in any way but its not going to be how i imagined it being.
He said we will talk about it more int he next few weeks. I guess I will really have to start thinking about what details of the ceremony are super important to me to have and which ones i could potentially do without. Im still very excited about everything but I guess i just did not realize how much it would bother me to think about not having a religious ceremony on my wedding day. Im trying to figure out how to deal with it and how to approach it when we do start really planning.
We arent even engaged yet, or planning, and Im already a bit stressed out about it lol I guess im just venting 🙁
Post # 3
The positive from this is that you will get a chance during your wedding planning to experience the compromise and working together that is required to make a marriage work. It can’t always be one person or the other, it’s gotta be both of you coming together: so that’s what your wedding will be! You said that you know he will compromise, which is great – talk to him as the time grows nearer and let him know that it is very, very important to you to have some traditional aspects to your ceremony, and I’m sure he’ll be willing to incorporate a couple.
I don’t think anyone’s wedding is 100% what they had in their head; few things in life are. You build something up, but once things get rolling there are always little things that get in the way or come up to necessitate change. Just learn to roll with it and I’m sure your wedding will be beautiful and memorable 🙂
The big thing to keep at the forefront while you go through the experience is that it is BOTH of your days. If you keep that in mind, you will be able to step back and take a breath when he wants something you don’t (and vice versa) and remember that it’s a day for both of you.
Post # 4
My Fiance and I also had very different ideas.
But we had a serious talk about them BEFORE we got engaged (and I think that was key. Neither of us had any set idea that we HAD to have).
It was really important to me to have the Church wedding, not just for my family, but I couldn’t imagine it any other way. He would prefer to elope, but I just can’t at all imagine doing that.
Then there were things about the reception that he really wanted (inviting massive numbers of people and having a specific band play). Since he ended up getting more of what he wanted there, he was more ok with the church wedding.
It’s all about compromise.
do keep in mind though, if writing your own vows is something you’re REALLY set on, you can’t do that in a catholic wedding. Catholic weddings are about a sacrament and a commitment, not about showing your own personality and personal love for each other.
Post # 5
@MissMaryMc: well I do not want an actual church wedding. But I do want to incorporate some of my faith in the ceremony. There are some religious aspects that I want to include. We will not be married in the catholic church anyway. Its more about certain details taht i would want to include that I know he does not.
@MissCalifornia: It is great to know he is so open to meeting me half way on things. You are right that it will be good practice in really working as a team to come to a result we are both ok and happy with. He is very opinionated but he also loves me to pieces and I know he will want me to be happy too so im sure we will figure it out but its not going to be as smooth of a planning process as I anticipated.
Post # 6
How frustrating. I know it’s disheartening to discover that you’re not going to see eye to eye on everything planning-wise, and that planning may not be the smooth process we all hope it will be. But it sounds like you’ve got a great guy who is willing to work through the differences with you. I bet you can find a solution that satisfies you both.
Do you mind sharing some of the things you don’t agree on? If you don’t want to, that’s totally fine. But maybe some of us can help think of tweaks/alterations that could make you both happy?
Post # 7
@Gemstone: I do not have specific ideas yet. We havent gotten that far. But I will for sure be coming to the hive to ask for help when the time does come.
He is a really great guy to me and I know its important to him that my wants for our wedding are included just as much as his. As it should be
Post # 8
We actually had some similar issues. My Fiance is definetly not the sterotypical groom that doesn’t care about details, and basically just shows up. He is very involved and has an opinion on pretty much every aspect (except flowers hah). We were raised different religions, but neither of us are practicing. I always envisioned my wedding on a beach or someplace not religious, and it was surprising to me that he always pictured a church.
We are compromising-we found a beautiful non-denominational church. It used to be baptist in the 1800’s, but now its availably for anyone to rent. We will have an officiant that will do some readings, but it will be mainly a non-denominational service.
We’re both happy. He gets the “church” feeling and religious part of the ceremony, and I get the parts that are important to me. Win-win 🙂
Post # 9
@Bostongrl25: I would imagine that is how we will end up as well. what a nice compromise you guys came up with 🙂