We took a break and I'm giving him the ring back

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
10879 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

anamg :  

If the guy isn’t right for you, ending the engagement is the right thing to do, Bee.  It’s hard to offer any more than that as your post is very vague in regards to what your relationship was all about.

Post # 3
Member
397 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Honestly it seems like you have been looking for a reason to break up with him/call off the engagement. I suggest some soul searching on if he is who you want to be with at all and if you ever really did.

Post # 4
Member
9743 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Relationships shouldn’t be this hard and, in my opinion, on-again, off-again relationships are almost always a bad idea to continue unless both parties have made major changes that make them more compatible/less toxic to be with.

This relationship sounds like a mess you both refuse to move on from but you’d probably be better off if you did.

Post # 5
Hostess
3166 posts
Sugar bee

It sounds like you haven’t been all in on the relationship from the start. You repeatedly say you stayed with him or dated him only because he begged you. Yet you also say you talked about marriage from the start. It sounds like you don’t want to fully commit, but you expect him to. It almost sounds like you’re playing games, and want him to continually prove himself to you and chase you.

This doesn’t sound like a good relationship considering the reservations you have, and have had, since the very beginning. Move on, and find someone you actually want to be with. 

Post # 6
Member
11612 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

anamg :  I suggest you work even harder at trusting your own instincts. You were right from the beginning in hestitsting over dating him. 

No one is owed a relationship with us, so his begging should not change your assessment of your compatibility. 

Alao, I’ve learned that people who beg and pressure in relationships are often doing it because they are not offering the basic ingredients needed in a relationship, like mutual respect and accountability and treating their oartner’s concerns as equal to their own. 

Post # 7
Member
6833 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

anamg :  You didn’t really give any detail as to what you’re always fighting about but it sounds like this relationship has been a battle the entire time. And that’s definitely not good. In my mind “breaks” aren’t really a thing anyway. A break is a break up. And in this case, it sounds like that’s a good thing. You should never marry someone (or agree to marry someone) unless you’re 110% sure you want to be with them forever. 

Post # 10
Member
3801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

anamg :  You cant change who someone is. You two are fundamentally different; that can either work for you or against you as a couple. You need to accept that he doesnt share your faith. You need to accept that he’s comfortable being comfortable and doesnt feel the need to have grand adventures. You can be adventurous but you may need to find someone else to have adventures with (a friend or relative) knowing he’ll be home to tell all your stories to when you get back. It’s all about expectations and expecting him to change so he fits into the idea you have of what your relationship would look like is not OK. Love him for who he is or find someone who is better suited to you. But for the love of god, please stop breaking up with him and making him beg you to take him back. Either you want to be with him as he is or you dont, stop toying with the poor guy!

Post # 11
Member
1588 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Bee, take our advice we’re all saying the same thing: do not look back. 

You have learned some but not enough. 

He will not change. 

You cannot make him change. 

You are not a right fit. It’s not going to ever fit. 

Please don’t waste your time with him. It doesn’t make you or him a bad person, per say, and without all the context, I won’t even go there..it just makes you not fit and that’s OK. 

The begging is a huge sign of insecurity. And you giving into him is just enabling his bad behavior. 

If Church and God are your priority, find someone whose priorities match up with yours. 

Good luck to you, 

Post # 12
Member
11612 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

anamg :  your values re church are not in alignment. This can be a pretty big deal. He is also a mama’s boy.

can you list the reasons why you think this can be a successful marriage, because love, as a feeling instead of actions, is not enough, sadly.

don’t you want a partner who will support and uplift you re your own values and have your back? 

Post # 13
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

All I can tell you is, it should never be this difficult.

 

When you find a truly good one, it’ll be eeeaaassy.

Post # 14
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

I’m sorry bee. I hope you’re at peace now with your decision. You put forth a lot of time and effort into your relationship. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors