(Closed) We took a break, he might have cheated Part II

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@anonconfused:  Well men say “I love you” when they don’t mean it all the time… but that doesn’t mean it’s ok. Calling another woman a pet name along with “love”… especially a woman you are uncomfortable with? Yeah- that would NOT be ok with me at all. 

Post # 4
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@anonconfused:  You don’t deserve this. Clearly this guy is at the VERY least flirting with this girl (and it sounds like more)… which is not fair to you or appropriate for an engaged guy. If this sort of crap is happening now, what happens when you’re married? When you have a kid?

Why is he going out super late drinking without you? It just doesn’t sound like the behavior of a happily committed guy.

Post # 7
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@anonconfused:  Even if nothing is actually “happening” with this girl, the comments are extremely flirtatious and that alone is unacceptable. You are right- he can’t “explain” the comment because there is no way for it to be “totally innocent”. He knows he’s being inappropriate, that is why he is defensive and secretive. 

Post # 8
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You should trust your feelings and instincts because they are usually right. Yes, I do think these aRE red flags and inappropiate behavior. These are signs that he isnt respecting your relationship as much as you are and as much as a committed man should be. The fact he deleted that comment shows that he knows that kind of stuff is wrong. 

 

Post # 9
Member
11270 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@anonconfused:  i think he is being completely disrespectful to you.  this is unacceptable in my books.  things have obviously not gotten better.  you need to take control of the situation.  don’t put up with this behaviour.  personally, i would dump him.  you deserve so much more in a partner.

Post # 10
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

You are not paranoid (Saw the tag). If my FH says I love you to another woman, it had better be his mommy! You have a right to be angry and hurt

Post # 12
Hostess
12251 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Was he drunk when he wrote that? It seems like it. 

it’s troubling that he’s not reaching out to you today, and I wouldn’t let him sweep this under the rug. I don’t like how the conflict resolution is you giving in to keep the peace. That’s not fair  to you and I certainly couldn’t take that for the long term. 

Idk if he’s cheating, seems like he is flirting and in the process, disrespecting you. Put your foot down but know that if he is as immature as he is acting, he might not grow up any time soon. So sorry you are going through this.

Post # 13
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@anonconfused:  The behavior of making you out to be the bad guy is my first red flag in all that you describe. 

 

He sounds fairly immature and disrespectful.  When you aren’t working do the two of you hang out?  Relax together? 

I don’t know, but the way it is with the other girl, it just look like bad mojo.

Post # 15
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

He put himself in a compromising position, and it should be on him to reach out and explain and repair any damage, not you. In my opinion you owe him very little, if anything 

Post # 16
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

He is being so out of line.  Not only with his actions toward the girl, but the fact that he won’t respond to you when he must know this is eating at you.  He is completely being unfair.

After reading the last post, responses, and updates, I’m sorry to say that I think he is jerking you around.  No “other friend” is worth ruining your own relationship and he seems to have no problem letting it turn that way.

I’m sorry hun, but this would not fly with me.  Are you truly still happy in the relationship?  Not the “old relationship” before the break, but the current one you are in that has the changes you’ve mentioned.  If you haven’t been happy at least 90% of the time, then I think it’s time to re-evaluate what you deserve.

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