(Closed) We took a break…FI may have dated and I can't get over it.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@anonconfused: I would play dumb and see if he tells you that she came over. When he lies (which he most likely will), then you can let him have it. 

I hate to say this, but I think you need to prepare yourself that your relationship is over. Even if he isn’t doing anything sexual with her, she knows how you feel about her and he still invited her over. That is a big F-U in your face. It’s a sign that he doesn’t respect you or the relationship any more.

If you are feeling very strong (I don’t know if I could do this, but I’ll throw it out there). When you ask what he did yesterday and he lies (or omits to tell you) about her coming over. Right then and there–“you lying piece of sh##. I know she was over. I’m done with this and you…goodbye” It would take guts, but you dont need this kind of drama while you are going through such difficult stressful career stuff.

Post # 78
Member
9939 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@anonconfused:   Wow!  Ok, try to stay calm.  I would probably just ask him about his day yesterday, say Happy Easter and all that. 

You may want to let him know that this girl’s FB page announced she was at his house, maybe he’s not aware she posted that.  (??)  Maybe she’s not even telling the truth…but you won’t know until you talk with him. 

Whatever happens, trust your gut.  I hope your conversation goes well.  Either way, he needs to give you a straight answer about what’s going on.  But don’t assume anything is wrong just yet.  Keep us posted!

Post # 79
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@anonconfused:  oh my gosh. I would be raging if I were you! This is not someone you are casually dating, it is your FIANCE. I don’t think its out of line for you to except to hear back from him when you call/text. The fact that he had her over to his house without telling you (whether other people were there or not) is so out of line! And the fact that he wouldn’t immediately own up to it is REALLY concerning. You need to confront him directly about it. If this girl doesn’t mean anything to him, there is NO reason why she needs to be in any part of his life if she is becoming such a point of contention for you. Especially when he is acting SUPER sketchy.

Post # 80
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

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@anonconfused:  Umm wtf.  I think maybe your womanly gut instincts may be right here, paranoia or not.  I would be pissed if my SO spent time with a girl (alone, in a group, whatever), under the circumstances you described, without asking/telling me first, then acting dismissive/shady about it.  Get to the bottom of this and update us!

As for the break, one of my gf’s close friends is married with a 1 yr old.  Before all that though, the husband had wanted to take a break b/c he wasn’t ready, couldn’t handle the relationship, etc.  He came back, they got engaged, and the rest is history.  If you guys get over this Easter egg making hump, you have to put whatever may have happened during break behind you and start afresh, otherwise it’s not gonna work.

Post # 83
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@anonconfused:  I think you need to be straight forward and just come out and say exactly what you just did. He seems to be playing games and with your emotions and it isn’t cool. Since you’ve seemingly had several conversations about it, he should know how you feel. And I think you should ask how he would feel if there was a guy he thought was interested in you, and you had that guy over to your house when your Fiance wasn’t there AND didn’t outright tell him about it even when he asked you to. Whether there is something going on or not, he isn’t acting very concerned with your feelings and seems to be acting very sketchy. 

Post # 84
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

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@jessicadarling:  +1

I think you need to sit down with him and really talk about this. It could be he is feeling neglected because you simply don’t have the time for him that you may have had before but that’s not an excuse.

Try and stay calm, don’t do this over text.

He owes you the truth and if he doesn’t want to be in this relationship anymore you deserve to hear it from his mouth.

Huge hugs!!

Post # 86
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I might be being a bit paranoid, but save those photos to your computer NOW. You need to have solid evidence that can’t just disappear. 

 

 

His behaviour has been disgraceful. I’m really, really sorry OP *hugs* but unless there is some massive reason why he has been ignoring and lying to you then I think that this might be over. 

 

Post # 87
Member
1176 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Read through the whole post… I think you should dump this guy. You’re under an insane amount of work stress, you have almost no free time and are chronically sleep-deprived, he’s already hurt you badly and damaged your trust in him, and now he’s mindfucking you with this other girl. This isn’t good for you. Dump him, focus on yourself, and once your life isn’t so crazy, find a new guy who doesn’t gaslight you.

Post # 88
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@anonconfused:  did you figure things out?

The topic ‘We took a break…FI may have dated and I can't get over it.’ is closed to new replies.

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