(Closed) We want a baby but ……

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 47
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Everyone’s circumstances are different; for some, it’ll be easier to cut costs and balance the budget, and for others it will be harder. But the fact remains that the OP herself is questioning if it’s financially a good time to bring a child into the family. If you replace “child” with “new car” I imagine the resounding answer would be “WAIT!”  No one will think it’s a good idea to pick up a car note when you’re not sure you can actually afford it.  When a child is a much longer commitment (you can’t quite sell it or return it to the dealership if it turns out to be more than you can handle), I am a bit surprised that there are so many people saying “You’ll find a way to make it work.”

With money, and fighting over money, being such a common cause of marital stress and even divorce, I’m doubly surprised that there are not more folks urging the OP to be cautious.

Not saying don’t have a child ever. Just saying it is a huge lifestyle change and financial commitment, and if you’re not sure you can handle it, a few months’ extra savings may be the best decision.

Post # 48
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

we have a 3br house and actually kept our son in our room with us until he was around 13months old. not co-sleeping, but we found it was easier because up until that point he still would wake up around 4am and need to fall back asleep. extra space isnt always NECESSARY, people just choose to upgrade. i can honestly tell you my son likes pots/pans/spoons to play with as much as he likes his other toys we have bought him *LOL* society is led to believe we need so much of the fancy baby gear when really you do not always need all of it. example- my son hated his baby gym, he hated the bouncer, but loved his swing…

Post # 49
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

“we’ve both dreamed of conceiving our firat baby whilst we’re overseas in the city that we love.”  I dont understand the reasoning behind this. What if you are not ovulating during that time? You can’t predict that far in advance.

I would also consider your age in deciding to put off TTC. If time is of the essence, I woldn’t hold off untill a certain time that seems perfect – like during a vacation. It may take a few months to conceive.  I say if you are 32-33 start TTC as soon as you can, and especially if you are over 35. If you are 24-25, a few years of saving up may help out and your fetility should not be affected yet.

Plus, money is not everything, you will find a way to make it work if you are smart about your spending. Since it soulds like you are not struggling right now. And you do have some time to save until you start.  Having a nice house and a car are not as important as having a baby (to me anyways). If having a baby is a life goal for you no matter what, you may downsize your car and your house (or rent out a room in your house/basement) – there are ways to make it work to achieve what you want.

Post # 50
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Don’t guess whether or not you can afford a child.  Sit down and do the math.

Post # 52
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

my mom told me when I first got married that her parents and my dads parents told them not to start a family right away because he wasn’t making much as a mechanic and she was working PT. They took that advice and she holds this regret in her heart to this day. She told me not to let other’s influence this very personal choice.

I would suggest starting a family when you feel like you could survive and get by not having to ask yourself “can we afford diapers this month?” But at the same time, you don’t need to have everything. A baby is expensive and you need to be able to afford one and take care of one, but babies don’t care if mom wears clothes from thrift stores and if they can’t go to hawaii every year because its too expensive.

 

Post # 53
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee

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@runsyellowlites:  “Children are costly BUT they don’t “need” all the things many say they do.”

+100. 

Post # 54
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee

I would just suggest to go over your finances and see if/how you would cover your expenses with the income you would be making if you had a baby. If you feel comfortable with those numbers, then go ahead. But you are right, you will probably never feel completely ready, eventually you just have to take the plunge when it feels right. My husband and I never saved for starting a family, but we decided to start when we were living solely off his income and doing very well with it. I am pregnant now and also working until I have the baby and just putting my income into savings and expenses for baby-related things as they come up. We don’t get any kind of baby allowance here, and I won’t be getting any paid time off, but because we lived for many months comfortably with only his income, we have no worries about a baby. They  do not have to be expensive (obviously if they have special needs or medical problems that is another story) but a lot of parents choose to spend a lot of money on frivolous things for their babies. 

Post # 55
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee

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@crayfish:  Ah I was wondering where you got that number. As for me, I’ll be staying home with my baby so I won’t be paying for daycare, we live in a 1BR townhome and are going to see if a 2BR is available in our neighborhood (if it is, it will only be $250 more per month – we rent). I can see that it definitely varies a LOT based on where you live, so I wouldn’t just throw that number out and say that should be everyone’s goal. I doubt many people would have kids at all if it cost 500k! XD

Post # 57
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

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@Peacockfeather:  $500,000?  Seriously?  My parents should never have had my brother or I.  Both of them were in the ARMY, and neither of them were officers.  I guess that people of that level should just never have kids, yes?  We certainly weren’t poor, but I can guarantee that my parents never had $500,000 in the bank, all at once. 

Post # 58
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

View original reply
@Chaoslight:  I didn’t say all at once, did I? Either way, counting time missed from work and child care, the average is actually closer to one million. Five hundred thousand over the course of 18 years for one child is generously low, considering dental care in the US for one child over that time generally costs about 100,000.

Post # 59
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have always admired people who wait to have babies until they can “afford” them. In my circle, babies just happen. Heck my niece just had her third and she isn’t married and doesn’t even have a place of her own. Every time I got pregnant, it was while I was on BC pills. I never heard of couple TTC.

Yeah, I’m old, LOL!

Post # 60
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

http://www.babycenter.com/cost-of-raising-child-calculator

There are many cost calculators out there, and many things will affect the total costs. Essentially, if you wait to be able to afford children, there’s a good possibility you might never have them.

You make it work if it’s important to you.

Post # 61
Member
1760 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Honestly, we started actively ttc 1 month before hubby lost his job. He was the main income in our house. He was off work for 2 months (which did some damage to our savings) and we found out we were pregnant when he started his new job. The timing didn’t phase us because we knew it would all work out in the end and that there are still 9 months of pregnancy to cut costs and scrimp and save. I think you’ll be fine! We have debt, and need new vehicles, but you’ll find a way to make it work. We bought alot of baby things on clearance to save money. So I would start looking around at sales. 

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