Post # 1
I’m hoping that I could get some advice or guidance from you if you think you can help me. My boyfriend and I were planning on marrying in April or May 2015. When I told my parents this they were pretty happy, but my mum is making a bit scene about me leaving home. She has always been very clingy and controlling when it comes to me (I’m her only daughter) and since I graduate this November, she told me she thinks I should stay home at least another year before moving out and changing to full time from part time work.
My boyfriend and I have been together almost three years and we don’t feel that we need to wait two years to get married now that we both work and could afford it ourselves. We both have enough saved up to get married now if we really felt it was necessary. My partner already has a house but because of religious reasons on both my side and his side I haven’t been able to move in.
We would like to get married possibly September or October next year. It would give us more than 12 months to plan which is plenty of time, and it would mean that we can live together and finally get married. I don’t know what to say to my parents. I know I am an adult and it should be up to me and my partner, but my mother takes things personally and has had moments where she hasn’t spoken to me for weeks.
What should I do?
Post # 3
Has she given you a reason why she thinks you should continue working part time for a full year after graduating? Working part time while in school is fine, but if you don’t have anything else going on, working part time can get really boring (I say this from experience). Working full time can be draining, but why does she want you to put off starting your life (besides the obvious of just keeping you at home)?
I say go for it and get married next year. Explain to your mom that you’re an adult and, while you do love her, it’s time for you to start your own life. You seem to have things planned out well, with money saved up and a place to live. I don’t see any reason why you should hold off other than your mom’s complaints. And really, it’s your life in question, not hers.
Post # 4
Oh goodness! I’m so independant so reading this is just crazy to me! Talk to your future hubby and Do what you two want! You’re going to be spend the rest of your life with him, not your mum and she’s got to realize that. I know you’re scared of her reaction, but you can’t let your fear of what might happen stop you. 2 years is a LONG time to wait to start your life.
Post # 5
@sunshinewish15: Don’t get blackmailed! Do exactly what you want, which in this case is marry in 2014.
It’s crazy to put off your wedding for a whole year, for just because your mother is irrationally upset. If you give in to her, you run the risk of giving in to her all your life. Let your mother get upset. She will come around. She needs to learn that she can’t control you.
Post # 6
My mother is the controlling type too. These kinds of people love to manipulate and boss people around. Now that my mother knows that I will leave her out my life if she starts her bullshit, she behaves.
If you don’t learn how to live for yourself and stand up to your mother now, you will never be able to truly be a wife because you will still put your mother’s approval first.
Are you a woman or a child? Time for you to stop being afraid of your mother’s disapproval.
Post # 7
If there’s nothing really stopping you from getting married next year then do it for sure!
And no, your mother not wanting you to move out doesn’t count as a reason. She will figure out a way on her own how to deal with it.
Post # 8
@sunshinewish15: If you wait until 2015 what is to stop her asking you to push the date back so she can keep you living at home longer? You are an adult and you need to do what you want to do which is to get married in 2014, it is still a year away and plenty of time for your mum to come to terms with you leaving home and living with your husband. Its time to break the apron strings x
Post # 9
For religious reasons we are not able to move in togethor also and if i could marry before i totally would so i`d say if you are able to get married before just do it. you do not have any gurantees that closer to a 2015 wedding your mother will not make another request…
Post # 10
It sounds like you need to set some boundaries with your mother. She should not be trying to manipulate or control you. The sooner you put your foot down, the sooner you and your FH can be independent. I know it’s hard and you may feel like a bad daughter. However, it sounds like it’s really for the best in the long run. Best of luck!
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy
Saw poll results– looks like your mom stopped by to vote… 🙂 seriously… Mom will recover. Be independent.
Post # 12
Do what you want!
Also, from a career perspective, once you graduate you need to prove that you’re serious about finding a job – NOT staying working part-time. If there is one thing that will really harm a career search, staying working part-time after graduating is it.
Post # 13
I say do what you want, marriage is about you and your FH, not about making your mother happy. She’ll be sad to see you move out, but she’ll likely come around.
Post # 14
if you are under Mommy’s thumb, then you are not ready to be married. but it sounds like you realize that this isn’t right, and are trying to get out.
Aside from “are you available on X date” Mom really get a say when the wedding is.
Post # 15
In a year nothing willcchange, she will come with another excuse. Grow up and stop looking for her approval.
Post # 16
I actually think that this is one of those situations where the longer you wait, the harder it will be. Unfortunately it looks like you are going to have to be the grown up here and rip the band-aid off for your mum.
You have more than enough time to plan and she’ll have a year to get used to the idea. Don’t let her sway you, live life to the fullest, you never know what might happen in the future, so grab it by the horns and start your life with your FI as soon as you can! 🙂
Just a quick side note though, is your mother expecting that she and your dad will pay for the wedding? If so, perhaps it’s actually a financial issue and she is stalling for time in order to save up, but is too embarrassed to say so. Instead, she is using this as an excuse.