(Closed) We were refused by the catholic church!!!!

posted 9 years ago in Catholic
  • poll: what should i do?

    Should i stick it out with our original priest?

    should i get married by the younger priest if he allows us?

    should i get married by the jp at our reception site?

  • Post # 92
    Member
    64 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    No jokes asides , I would look for a different church .Not even God would turn you away for cohabiting before marriage .  True , it is frowned upon . We went trought that , my fiance and I . When we met with our priest , he didnt have to ask us if we are living together  as he could clearly see our 2 little daughters with us . He made it clear that it was not according to God ‘s Law to live , fornicate ,and have kids without the sacrament of marriage but hey , i cant really turn the clock back. He told us that because of the kids , he wouldnt ask us to seperate until the wedding  but we needed to stop all types of sex(lol) .He made us promise to respect this  and my fiance and i are doing our best to do so and can not wait for our wedding night (lol)

    We are taking some extra pre marital classes  because of this and also because apparently  according to statistics  couples who have cohabited a long time before marriage is at a higher risk of divorce and you sure know how Catholics view divorce. ( we ve been living together for 7 years )

    My point is , they have no rights to deny you a marriage ( even God said Let all kids come to me.  sinners or not ) , i  personally dont care what their rule is . They are supposed to guide you and help you with your christian life , not judge  you and throw stones .

    Sorry you are going trough this .

     

     

    Oops  , Just saw that you that you got everything straighten out .So Happy for you !
     

    Post # 93
    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

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    @Dsquared: I don’t think you should be claiming that the marriage will somehow be a sham. You can’t possibly tell enough about a person from a post on weddingbee to question their commitment to their faith, and then command them to not get married in the Church.

    Post # 94
    Member
    2521 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

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    @red_rose: 
    View original reply
    @Dsquared:  You two are not being very considerate and/or loving to the OP.  From what I understand, it’s just as wrong to assume and judge another person for alleged actions.  As long as she confesses to anything of grave matter, and remains in a state of grace, marries within the walls of the Church, her marriage is valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church.

    Technically speaking, my Fiance and I co-habitate.  However, we sleep in separate bedrooms and live as brother/sister.  I would hope that you two would understand and accept that her Diocese has cleared her to be married by the younger priest. She has the okay by the Bishop so yeah…

    I’m just so happy that they’re (the OP and her Fiance) are marrying within the Church. 

    Post # 95
    Member
    362 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’m so surprised that your priest is refusing to marry you just because you’re cohabitating!  My fiance and I live together and our priest didn’t have a problem with it in the least.  There is even a section of the FOCCUS survey that is dedicated to questions pertaining only to co-habitating couples…. why would that be there if the church wouldn’t marry you anyhow??  I would definitely look around for a different church/priest to marry you.  Any why is it all of a sudden that this is becoming an issue??  I’m so sorry you have to go thru all this craziness so close to your wedding!!

    Post # 96
    Member
    4335 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

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    @beekiss: hey, don’t mix up what I said with what dsquared said! I was just responding to a rather snotty-sounding comment (by a hostess!) that was making assumptions that a PRIEST doesn’t read the Bible, when clearly he does; he just doesn’t pick and choose passages that he likes, (unlike most people.)

    However, I agree that just because someone is cohabitating, does not mean for SURE that they are “living in sin” according to the Catholic Church, but I think that it is so common that it is almost safe to assume so. (You are a very rare exception.) In fact, the only reason Fiance and I don’t live together is precisely to avoid the scandal caused by people assuming we would be sleeping together if we were living together, even though that would be much more convenient for us.

    I mean, whatever, I don’t even really care anymore about the OP’s original situation (she doesn’t exactly seem to be following along this post and responding to people and answering questions and clarifying things other than her one update!) I just hate it when people say stupid/judgemental things (like judging a priest that they have never even met, just based on ONE side of the story that we heard on the internet! I mean, [I’m not saying this is the case] but for all we know, OP could have been a total bi-atch to him and there is a lot more to the story that we don’t know!) I also hate how it’s perfectly acceptable to bash the Catholic Church and priests who try to enforce (rightly or wrongly) what they believe they are supposed to enforce. (ok, vent over. sorry.)

    Post # 97
    Member
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    “he just doesn’t pick and choose passages that he likes, (unlike most people.)”

    Actually, that’s exactly what he’s doing.

    And I have more reason to put my trust in the story of the OP than a priest who refused to marry her, called into question her faith, and then lied to her, just because he didn’t like her lifestyle.

    Don’t believe I bashed the Catholic Church anywhere.  You know.  Me being Catholic and all.  I just hate when people (like say a PRIEST) use their position to try to manipulate others based on something that the Church itself does not support.  I’m able to separate the idea that I don’t approve of the priest’s actions from saying “I don’t like the Church.”

    Turning every thread into “You’re bashing my faith!” when that is so obviously NOT the case is getting REALLY OLD.  I’m all for people’s right to believe in whatever you like.  But does a post where I call into question the actions of Church leaders have to mean that I’m suddenly bashing the Church?  There’s a pretty distinct difference.

    Post # 98
    Member
    542 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

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    @mantha929:  I’m glad it’s all worked out for you, and you are getting married in the Church (which is most important)

    I’m not really sure why you confronted the old preist, I mean, he has to be comfortable doing your wedding, and if he wasn’t then he was right to say so. It’s 1000000x better to have a supportive priest do your wedding, you don’t want an unsupportive clergyman in your pictures and memories!

    Post # 99
    Member
    448 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

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    @mile end: When did I claim it’d be a sham. I just don’t think you should get married in the Church and promise to raise your children in the faith if you yourself don’t practice or believe it. That’s my opinion. Why would you want to anyway?

    Post # 100
    Member
    1109 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

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    @Miss Tattoo: The wedding industry is now a billion dollar industry, the Catholic church is not making a killing off of pre marriage retreats. Ours was $80 to cover the cost of the retreat and materials, it was catered with breakfast and lunch, we learned a ton and got to meet some wonderful people. None of this money even went to the church. It’s just to make sure we know what we’re getting into basically, because the church takes marriage very very seriously. Considering all the other money I’ve shelled out for silly things throughout planning, I feel that this was one of the more important aspects of wedding planning for my fiance and me. 

    Post # 101
    Member
    95 posts
    Worker bee

    I knew a Catholic couple cohabitating before they were married.  They just abstained from relations in the months leading up to the wedding.  That’s basically the way I’ve understood you deal with cohabitation when you are being married in the Church.

    Post # 102
    Member
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

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    @Moja Milosc: Our cost is $80 as well and that covers the entire day we have to be there to have couples run this workshop, provide food, ect.  We also have the Foccus test to take (already included in the $80), which have to be sent it for results and we are meeting with a catholic married couple after to discuss the results (free of charge).  We are attending a music workshop there (free of charge).  We are also meeting with the priest several times before getting married (free of charge).  Our cost to get married that day?  A whopping $300, my cheapest price for something.  Do you even know how much a reception hall wants to charge for a ceremony? Usually more. 

    So, I agree, it’s not a billion dollar industry for most Catholic churches.  The marriage part is inexpensive, it’s all the other vendors that are making a killing off us.  You never hear people complain that they can’t afford the church…. they can’t afford the PARTY.

     

    Post # 103
    Member
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

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    @MightySapphire: I get what you’re saying.  Unfortunately, there are some really old school faculty out there and each person should really should take the take to get familiar with the church that you belong to and the priests/personnel, ect before getting married. 

    I believe that would help resolve a lot of problems when it comes to marriage.

    Also, my church lets you request the Priest you want (or Deacon if it’s a blessing).

    Post # 104
    Member
    2188 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Wow! This thread is pretty interesting. I really liked reading everyone’s opinions.

    OP, I went through so many hurdles to get married in the Catholic church. It took over two years because we couldn’t find a priest/parish to marry us. 1) we have a child and a lot of small town priests talked down to us because we obviously had sex before we were married. 2) Darling Husband isn’t catholic so one priest didn’t want to marry us. It was hurtful that so many of them treated us like we were the scum of the earth.

    It took 4 priests to finally find one who was willing to marry us. The parish was so understanding, caring and sweet. I was really ready to give up.

    View original reply
    @mantha929: I’m happy that you found a priest who approves to marry you – I’m surprised about the harsh responses though. Good for you for not giving up. It’s hard to keep going after being turned down. And I can’t believe that old priest talked to you like that. Honestly, I talked to a few priests who sounded JUST the same way. I thought it was just us. They were down right mean at times. Along with the parish workers, ugh.

    View original reply
    @natbug21: I read that too and thought the same thing but it is posted in the Catholic section (I do not think murder should have been paired with that statement – two very different levels of “sins” for hardcore Catholics). However, I’m catholic I certainly DO NOT believe that gay marriage is a sin.

    Actually, in the intentions at mass last week, one of them was “for homosexuals, may they be accepted into the community and be able to live in peace and love” or something like that. And the priest mentioned in his homily that there will probably be another big change in the church since the Vatican 2 was 50 years ago.

    I’m what you would call a cafeteria Catholic. I pick and choose what to believe. I believe in love, peace and caring for others. Personally, I think it’s kind of silly to nitpick at the bible and say, “well it says…”, there are plenty of stories in the bible that we should take with a grain of salt.

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