Post # 1
Fiance dated a girl when he was younger and she became pregnant. She told Fiance it wasn’t his baby. FI’s mom wanted to see the baby and told Fiance that the baby looked just like him when he was younger and that he needed to take a paternity test because that was his baby. Well, she kept denying it and got married to the guy who she said was the father. Well, they divorced years later then Fiance got something in the mail about taking a paternity test and found out that it was indeed his son. This was 24 years later. Fiance was ordered to pay child support which he has been but it is considered back child support so because of that he can’t be issued a passport. Fiance was heartbroken when he found out he had a 24 year old son and wasn’t apart of his life. To me this sucks that she is getting this money after her husband supported the child. To me the exhusband should be the one receiving the money. How was he suppose to pay for a child that he didn’t know was his.
Now, the exwives. First exwife cheated on FI and they got a divorce and child support was order. Him and exwife still had a great relationship because of the kids. He paid his child support directly to her instead of it being garnished from his check. Whenever the kids need extra stuff or she needed extra money he gave it.
Second exwife. When they met she was already pregnant and FI didn’t know and she told FI that it was his baby. Fiance mom saw the baby, bless her heart, and told Fiance that it wasn’t his baby. Well, a few years later it did come out that it wasn’t his son but by that time she was pregnant again with his child. First exwife got pissed that Fiance was still taking care of the child that wasn’t his, she felt that the money and time he was spending with this child should be going to his bio kids. She went to court and filed papers that he was behind in child support. Fiance couldn’t prove shit cause he was paying her cash. After a few months she apologized and told Fiance she was going to let the court know that he was up to date. I guess she forgot because we got something in the mail about it. So she went to her attorney to have everything straighten out but I guess the paper work is just sitting on someone’s desk.
Fiance has called the child support office to try to get the paperwork through but they are so nasty to him on the phone. I guess working in child support makes them really bitter towards men. So once Fiance name stay on the deliquent child support list, he can’t be issued a passport and we can’t to Tahiti. I am so pissed right now. Then Fiance has to get an attorney to see if they can switch the status of the 28 year old son because technically he wasn’t behind, he just didn’t know.
I really think women that play the system should face some kind of consequences.
Post # 3
I’m sorry about your honeymoon! But, it honestly sounds like your Fiance hasn’t been very smart in these situations. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me! He should have made 100% sure from the very beginning that each of these babies weren’t his. I know I never would have left a paternity question hanging in the air…
Post # 4
He also should have been smart enough to pay by cheque or ask for a receipt.
Sorry that you are paying the price for his actions.
Post # 5
agree with both of these. It definitely sounds like the women are abusing the system and taking advantage of the situation. But it also sounds like he’s been a bit foolish in some of his decision making throughout his life and its now coming back to bite him. I am sorry that you are effected by it – its a shame. But I guess when you get married its for better or worse…
Post # 6
I guess working in child support makes them really bitter towards men.
or maybe the are like me sitting here trying to keep count on how many kids to how many women are you talking about – its 3 baby moms right?
i suggest your Fiance actually follows up the paper trail. he sounds lax and is happy to let things slide so it becomes a bigger problem than necessary. goodluck!
Post # 7
Sorry but the exes are not ruining your honeymoon and I think it is unfair to blame them. Even the one that lied has said she fixed the problem so don’t blame her blame the system that hasn;t processed the paperwork.
But that said I agree with the other posters – your Fiance hasn;t been smart and has made some bad choices in his life. You really need to work on your issues with his exes because since they have kids together they will be in his life as long as the kids are. That is the choice you are making by marrying a man with children to exes.
Post # 8
They’re entitled to child support–you father a child, you pay for it. And you certainly don’t go paying for children without a paternity test, you don’t do payments without a record of said payments, and–I’m sorry–but you don’t wait around 24 years to take a paternity test and then say you’re “heartbroken” that you didn’t have a relationship with the child. In the case of the first child, if he really felt that way, had he taken the paternity test and proved that he was the biological father, he could have fought for custodial rights. And for heaven’s sake, what adult man relies on his MOTHER to do some sort of arbitrary facial identification of these children on his behalf when it comes to paternity?!
And as far as the passport goes, well, no shit Sherlock. The State Department is not going to make it easy for deadbeat dads to leave the country–and as far as they know, that’s what he is if he’s back on child support payments from 24 (28?) years ago. And if HE is the one who wants to go to Tahiti, then yes, he has to pony up and take responsbiility for his own fate, hire an attorney, and get this straightened out. Yes, some women game the system, but if that’s what’s going on, why would he be relying on her to move paperwork through without someone to represent his interests?
Your Fiance sounds either clueless, naive, or just plain lazy. Sorry.
Frankly, in this case, he’s reaping what he sows. And you are the collateral damage to this mess.
Post # 9
I’m not sure how this is everyone’s fault but his own? I’d say there was some not cool stuff going on with the ladies but he should share a bit in the responsibilties as well. Sorry you guys don’t get to go to Tahiti, Hawaii is lovely and you don’t need a passport 😉
Post # 10
Fiance was definitely to blame for a lot of this. As far as the girlfriend goes he knew they were having unprotected sex and she became pregnant he should’ve forced the issue about the paternity test. He was making really good money then so I don’t understand why she told him it wasn’t his son. She couldv’e gotten so much more money back then. I also feel like her exhusband is the one that should be receiving the child support money because she lied to him and had him believing this child was his and taking care of him and he wasn’t. So she got support from the exhusband now 28 years later she is getting suppurt from the bio father. It sucks that the court is classifying it as back child support when he didn’t know.
First exwife has tried to undo what she did but I guess it’s just sitting on someones desk. I’m really hoping an attorney can help us but I doubt it.
Post # 11
@BothCoasts: I’m not concerned about him paying child support neither is he because he pays it. I do strongly feel that the exhusband should get the money because she is getting support twice for one child. From the time the girl got pregnant she told him it was someone elses baby and he just believed her. His mother and the girl were close and from day one when she saw the baby she told Fiance that it was his son but the girl kept denying it. The girls family and my FI’s family stayed in contact all these years and then one day she just told him the the other guys is not his father. Her exhusband signed the BC from the beginning. What man signs a BC know that a child isn’t theirs. He was lied to as well. Everyone believed her. His mom even spoke with her mom and her mom told her that she said there was no way Fiance was his father.
As far as the first exwife, they actually really get along very well and I guessed she just got pissed because he was taking care of another child. She has apologize over and over again and has done her part to have it removed but when Fiance calls, they just keep transferring him and being rude.
I don’t understand why someone would purposely keep a child from their father or lie to the courts because of stuff that was going on in his personal life that you don’t approve of. Yes, Fiance should’ve given checks, but my dad always gave my mom cash and she never even had him on child support.
Fiance is not pissed at all about giving the money, the big issue is how its filed in the court system.
As far as the 28 year old, Fiance attorney from the beginning told him that they should fight it but he said NO. He said It was his son and is his responsibility.
Post # 12
This thread is already exhausting and we’re on page 1.
Go to Hawaii! Or Puerto Rico. No passport needed.
Post # 13
Well, i feel for you. Really. Your Fiance may be naive and should have known better for sure BUT it seems to me he’s a good man, with his priorities straight and he shouldn’t have this huge mountain upon him (and you!). I feel different about it maybe because i receive absolutely nothing from my ex and we have a daughter. We weren’t married so there was no divorce. No child support ordered by anyone. I know he can’t pay it, anyway so it’s all on me..and my Fiance. Soemtimes, when he can he gives me money and i deposit in our daughter’s bank account. He feels terrible about it but of course this hasn’t helped him become a better man. My mum says i should demand child support from him and he would have to solve his life (he’s alwasy depending on someone to lend him money to live through his terrible life decisions). She’s right, i know..but he’s my daughter’s dad. I believe it’s better for her if there’s the least stress between us and fortunatelly i do not need his money. It has worked so far. And no..i will not ask him to pay back child support in 20 years!!! Who does that?????
Post # 14
Wow.. the many baby mamas.. multiple ex wives.. good lord. It was too overwhelming for me. Sorry you are going through the drama, but that’s what it’s going to be like when you marry someone with that much history haunting them in the present.
@eloping: What she said.
Post # 15
Wait, either something doesn’t add up or I am reading this wrong. He took a paternity test 24 years ago and has been paying child support…but didn’t find out the kid was his until the kid was 24? Say what? When was his order established? He sounds like he has been pretty irresponsible when it comes to impregnating women. I work for child support and I’m certainly not bitter towards men because of it (I try very hard to be very nice to my clients and help them with all of their requests) but I do get irritated by the “WOE IS ME” shit that some of these guys throw at me, like it’s not 50% their fault that they are in mess they’re in. And when they call and yell at me because they are suffering the consequences of their irresponsibility…well, sometimes it’s hard to not get annoyed.
Where is this paperwork that is just sitting on someone’s desk? If it’s on a worker’s desk and they aren’t doing shit, he needs to contact their supervisor. And if that doesn’t work he needs to take his butt into the office to speak to someone in person and get that shit taken care of.
Post # 16
Agree with @MIBEETOWED: and @LuluInLove:
This post is exhausting to read… too many Girlfriends, Ex-Wives and Kids for me to comprehend WHO is WHO
Your Hubby-2-B needs to do (have done) the right thing to keep things straight from the very beginning (also agree that making court ordered payments by cheque… would have been the SMART thing to do… how else do you prove you made them ?)
And what’s up with all the references to “His Momma going to see the babies … to see if they look like him?”
Anyone with half a brain can tell ya that not all kids look like their Daddy… some look like their Mom or her side of the family !!
Nothing like a Paternity Test to sort out such matters…
Honestly, if your Fiance is man-enough to do the deed, then he should be man-enough to take responsibility for his actions, not send his Momma off in his stead.
I certainly hope he’s changed / grown up some… because with a History like this one, I’d be afraid of another go-around … never mind where you want to Honeymoon and what you all need to get there !!
Fact he cannot Travel outside of the USA is a BIG RED FLAG for me… this puts him in the same category as criminals etc, in that they cannot travel abroad either. So he really and truly needs to get this sorted… and not let it slide any longer.
Personally, I’d want a far less complicated future than this one… but maybe that’s just me.