(Closed) We won’t be able to go on our honeymoon to Tahiti because of FI Exes!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry about your honeymoon! But, it honestly sounds like your Fiance hasn’t been very smart in these situations. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me! He should have made 100% sure from the very beginning that each of these babies weren’t his. I know I never would have left a paternity question hanging in the air…

Post # 4
Member
46401 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

He also should have been smart enough to pay by cheque or ask for a receipt.

Sorry that you are paying the price for his actions.

Post # 5
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@crayfish:  

@julies1949:  

agree with both of these. It definitely sounds like the women are abusing the system and taking advantage of the situation. But it also sounds like he’s been a bit foolish in some of his decision making throughout his life and its now coming back to bite him. I am sorry that you are effected by it – its a shame. But I guess when you get married its for better or worse…

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

 I guess working in child support makes them really bitter towards men.

or maybe the are like me sitting here trying to keep count on how many kids to how many women are you talking about – its 3 baby moms right?

i suggest your Fiance actually follows up the paper trail. he sounds lax and is happy to let things slide so it becomes a bigger problem than necessary. goodluck!

Post # 7
Member
8429 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Sorry but the exes are not ruining your honeymoon and I think it is unfair to blame them. Even the one that lied has said she fixed the problem so don’t blame her  blame the system that hasn;t processed the paperwork.

But that said I agree with the other posters – your Fiance hasn;t been smart and has made some bad choices in his life. You really need to work on your issues with his exes because since they have kids together they will be in his life as long as the kids are. That is the choice you are making by marrying a man with children to exes.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
2603 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

They’re entitled to child support–you father a child, you pay for it. And you certainly don’t go paying for children without a paternity test, you don’t do payments without a record of said payments, and–I’m sorry–but you don’t wait around 24 years to take a paternity test and then say you’re “heartbroken” that you didn’t have a relationship with the child. In the case of the first child, if he really felt that way, had he taken the paternity test and proved that he was the biological father, he could have fought for custodial rights. And for heaven’s sake, what adult man relies on his MOTHER to do some sort of arbitrary facial identification of these children on his behalf when it comes to paternity?! 

And as far as the passport goes, well, no shit Sherlock. The State Department is not going to make it easy for deadbeat dads to leave the country–and as far as they know, that’s what he is if he’s back on child support payments from 24 (28?) years ago. And if HE is the one who wants to go to Tahiti, then yes, he has to pony up and take responsbiility for his own fate, hire an attorney, and get this straightened out. Yes, some women game the system, but if that’s what’s going on, why would he be relying on her to move paperwork through without someone to represent his interests? 

Your Fiance sounds either clueless, naive, or just plain lazy. Sorry. 

Frankly, in this case, he’s reaping what he sows. And you are the collateral damage to this mess. 

Post # 9
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

I’m not sure how this is everyone’s fault but his own? I’d say there was some not cool stuff going on with the ladies but he should share a bit in the responsibilties as well. Sorry you guys don’t get to go to Tahiti, Hawaii is lovely and you don’t need a passport 😉

 

Post # 12
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

This thread is already exhausting and we’re on page 1.

Go to Hawaii! Or Puerto Rico. No passport needed.

@eloping:  This.

Post # 13
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well, i feel for you. Really. Your Fiance may be naive and should have known better for sure BUT it seems to me he’s a good man, with his priorities straight and he shouldn’t have this huge mountain upon him (and you!). I feel different about it maybe because i receive absolutely nothing from my ex and we have a daughter. We weren’t married so there was no divorce. No child support ordered by anyone. I know he can’t pay it, anyway so it’s all on me..and my Fiance. Soemtimes, when he can he gives me money and i deposit in our daughter’s bank account. He feels terrible about it but of course this hasn’t helped him become a better man. My mum says i should demand child support from him and he would have to solve his life (he’s alwasy depending on someone to lend him  money to live through his terrible life decisions). She’s right, i know..but he’s my daughter’s dad. I believe it’s better for her if there’s the least stress between us and fortunatelly i do not need his money. It has worked so far. And no..i will not ask him to pay back child support in 20 years!!! Who does that?????

Post # 14
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Wow.. the many baby mamas.. multiple ex wives.. good lord. It was too overwhelming for me. Sorry you are going through the drama, but that’s what it’s going to be like when you marry someone with that much history haunting them in the present.

@eloping:  What she said.

Post # 15
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wait, either something doesn’t add up or I am reading this wrong.  He took a paternity test 24 years ago and has been paying child support…but didn’t find out the kid was his until the kid was 24?  Say what?  When was his order established?  He sounds like he has been pretty irresponsible when it comes to impregnating women.  I work for child support and I’m certainly not bitter towards men because of it (I try very hard to be very nice to my clients and help them with all of their requests) but I do get irritated by the “WOE IS ME” shit that some of these guys throw at me, like it’s not 50% their fault that they are in mess they’re in.  And when they call and yell at me because they are suffering the consequences of their irresponsibility…well, sometimes it’s hard to not get annoyed.

Where is this paperwork that is just sitting on someone’s desk?  If it’s on a worker’s desk and they aren’t doing shit, he needs to contact their supervisor.  And if that doesn’t work he needs to take his butt into the office to speak to someone in person and get that shit taken care of. 

Post # 16
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Agree with @MIBEETOWED: and @LuluInLove:  

This post is exhausting to read… too many Girlfriends, Ex-Wives and Kids for me to comprehend WHO is WHO

Your Hubby-2-B needs to do (have done) the right thing to keep things straight from the very beginning (also agree that making court ordered payments by cheque… would have been the SMART thing to do… how else do you prove you made them ?)

And what’s up with all the references to “His Momma going to see the babies … to see if they look like him?”

Anyone with half a brain can tell ya that not all kids look like their Daddy… some look like their Mom or her side of the family !!

Nothing like a Paternity Test to sort out such matters…

Honestly, if your Fiance is man-enough to do the deed, then he should be man-enough to take responsibility for his actions, not send his Momma off in his stead.

I certainly hope he’s changed / grown up some… because with a History like this one, I’d be afraid of another go-around … never mind where you want to Honeymoon and what you all need to get there !!

Fact he cannot Travel outside of the USA is a BIG RED FLAG for me… this puts him in the same category as criminals etc, in that they cannot travel abroad either.  So he really and truly needs to get this sorted… and not let it slide any longer.

Personally, I’d want a far less complicated future than this one… but maybe that’s just me.

 

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