(Closed) We wrote our own ceremony – FEEDBACK PLEASE

posted 4 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
6272 posts
Bee Keeper

I like it. Do you feel it says everything you want it to? Are you asking us because you have some concerns?

Post # 4
Member
6272 posts
Bee Keeper

sunshinedaydream:  no I don’t think so. It doesn’t seem overly long so I wouldn’t worry about it being too wordy. Are you having any readings too? Have you shown it to your officiant? They’ll know how to pace it correctly and im sure they’d say if they felt something is missing or if something won’t flow. 

Post # 6
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Reading your vows written on paper is very different than hearing them. What helped me was reading the whole ceremony from start to finish. I made changes where something didn’t sound right and I also could time how long the ceremony took, especially since our guests were standing. 

I’m sure every word in your ceremony has special meaning but in all honesty I felt it was a lot to take in. Maybe it’s my ADHD if I was a guest at your wedding but at a certain point my mind would be wondering rather than focusing on what was being said.

Post # 7
Member
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front

That sound nice and heartfelt yet not religious mushy gushy that you didn’t want. :+)

I have absolutely no idea what ours will look like…..luckily,  our officiant will offer suggestions and customize/personalize to us as a couple. 

He’s known for incorporating tasteful and appropriate humor, laced with personal aspects from our journey which is perfect as we have lots of humor and wil also engage the guests to include everyone that we love…..perfect combination of laughter and tears, very unique and hoping it comes out great, but no clue yet until we meet. Lol

Good luck, 

:+)

Post # 8
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

The sentiment is beautiful. Based on what I like, it does seem as though the celebrant is talking a lot. I tried to see if certain passages are being said by different people but I couldn’t. I agree with a PP who said to read it all aloud. When you do that maybe time it as well so you have a good sense of duration as many people will tune out within 5 or so minutes of a “speech”. if this is on person talking I would apply the same principals. Alternatively you might like to think of ways to refocus the audience attention, like asking them questions or switching speakers. Just my 2c and remember based on my own personal taste and what I have seen only. the people there love you and are excited to see you get married so don’t worry too much! 

Post # 9
Member
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

This part is too long: 

The couple has asked me to declare their wishes that all guests refrain from taking pictures or using cellphones during the ceremony. Please switch your mobile devices off, or turn them to silent so we can all remain present in their special moment together. 

Just say a simple “Ladies and gentlemen, we’re about to begin. Please  take your seats, turn your cell phones to Silent and refrain from photography for the ceremony. Thanks!”  

Less wordy and sounds more casual and friendly.

Post # 10
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Please avoid the word “oriental” – many people from Asia find this offensive (Asia is only “eastern” if you are looking from Europe) and you don’t want anyone to be put off on your wedding day.

Other than that, it seems good! I can tell that all of the mindfulness, etc. is very meaningful to you, so though that’s not my cup of tea it suits you. I do echo PP in that I think it’s fairly one-sided in that your officiant is doing all the talking. Maybe certain parts can be rewritten so you and your husband speak more? Some people hate public speaking, so if that’s your hesitation that’s fine, I just think it might keep it from being too monolithic if you can break it up a bit. For what it’s worth, this is the exact problem I am having with my own ceremony, so maybe I’m more sensitive to it. We’re trying to figure out how to keep the ceremony interesting without including any of the little rituals (sand cermony, candle lighting, etc.) that we don’t connect with (personal preference!).

Post # 11
Member
888 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Too long and some of it read as condescending to me, especially the parts instructing the audience to pay attention.

 

“I ask that each of you here mindfully put your hearts full attention to this ceremony, and look and listen with your whole being. In this way you can continue to fulfill your friendship and express your gratitude to and by making this ceremony sacred with the gift of your knowledge, attention and intention.”

Post # 12
Member
4823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

sunshinedaydream:   I think what you have prepared is absolutely beautiful.  My only concern is that I find this part:

“I ask that each of you here mindfully put your hearts full attention to this ceremony, and look and listen with your whole being. In this way you can continue to fulfill your friendship and express your gratitude to and by making this ceremony sacred with the gift of your knowledge, attention and intention. “

repetitive and condescending.  You have already asked for phones to be turned off, and presumably your guests are there on your wedding day to hear and to share in your ceremony.

And, have you tried reading the whole ceremony out loud?  That gave us confidence as we prepared our vows.

 

Post # 13
Member
2600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it’s nice–reflects the both of you and seems (blessedly) short. I do agree wtih Astra, though–I understand that presence is a big part of Buddhism, but there is something about it that to non-Buddhist ears will sound sort of school-marm-y. 

I also have a quibble: “oriental” saying. “Oriental” is a controversial descriptor in general and to me, it’s kind of …Western-hinky (and well, orientalist) to attribute an actual quote to being an “oriental” saying. What does that mean? “The Orient” is not a place; it’s a Western concept. The quote/saying had to come from somewhere–is it Buddist? Hindu? Indian? Chinese? Taoist? I might consider striking the word “oriental” and just having “as a saying goes…” OR trying to find proper attribution OR finding another quote that conveys a similar meaning. I know I’m being a little Western-hinky here suggesting this, but really, you could open up a book of Rumi or Hafiz and find what you’re looking for pretty quickly (and some equally beautiful poems to use otherwise, if you’re so inclined 🙂  

Post # 15
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I don’t mean to be a stickler about this, but “oriental” does mean “Eastern” and both can be offensive. Either do as BothCoasts suggests and find the actual provenance of the saying, or take out the descriptor entirely (“as an old saying goes”).

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