(Closed) Wealthy cheater. Should I stay or go? Child involved and I am full time student

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I use him for money and fake it till I make it on my own?

    Yes, fake it

    No, leave now, come what may

    It's complicated and read my response

  • Post # 3
    Member
    7804 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I can use him for money until I can stand on my own feet. Should I fake it till I make it [on my own] or better to server ties for my sanity now and come what may?

    And how long to “make it on your own”? Once you graduate? Once you get more than a PT job? How are you going to move on and find a real relationship if youre still tied to this guy’s wallet? 

    Cheating is bad, but what youre considering is pretty disgusting. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    9439 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Cheating is wrong. So is using someone for their money and it’s pretty gross that you’re considering it. Idk…maybe you two deserve each other though.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3194 posts
    Sugar bee

    What’s wrong with you? That’s so gross!!

    Isn’t this the guy that was cheating on you years ago, and you were trying to get off the mortgage???

    Post # 6
    Member
    86 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    @jellybellynelly:  Cheating is worse and then lying about it? Come on! 

    View original reply
    @queenie8119:  OP can you really stay in a relationship where you know whenever he goes out he is clearly cheating on you? Touching another woman, kissing her, having sex with her….. I do not think any amount of money is worth this disrespect and heartache. Keep your morals and leave.

    Post # 8
    Member
    307 posts
    Helper bee

    Oh god! Welcome to the new episode of “cheating sugar daddies.” This cannot be real! 

    Post # 9
    Member
    699 posts
    Busy bee

    Therapy would be good for you both. It seems like you both have some things to figure out between you two and a therapist could really help you figure out your deal breakers and whats important to you. Cheating isn’t a deal breaker for everyone (I’m not saying anything other then that about it) and I have no right to tell you to stay or go (as only you can make that decision for you and the child) 

     

    Therapy

    Good luck

    Post # 10
    Member
    890 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2020

    View original reply
    @queenie8119:  If you’ve been with him 8+ years and you have a six year old and an ex husband, I’m assuming you cheated too. Not that it makes any of it right. I’m just confused. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    572 posts
    Busy bee

    Some questions first before taking the nuclear option: are you in your heart of hearts just *done* with this guy after this bout of cheating– ie you’ll never respect him again?

    Or do you think you could ever see the two of you reconciling with counseling?

    Do you have savings or are they being eaten up by the divorce? 

    Would you and your son have a stable, safe place to live immediately and for the foreseeable future if you were to walk out today? Or are we talking food banks and women’s shelters if you leave now?

    Is he someone you would want to keep in your son’s life as a father figure even if you weren’t in a relationship with him?

    View original reply
    @queenie8119 

    Post # 12
    Member
    4929 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

     

    View original reply
    @coffeebean87:  if you read her previous posts. She’s known him 8 years and only started a relationship once her break up happened. 

     

    View original reply
    @queenie8119:  queenie, forget all men  for a long time because you are bad at picking them and it isnt fair to your child to involve them in your life. Youve posted about suspected cheating before and you’ve ignored glaring flags like he’s estranged from his adult children. Generally kids do not block parents out of their life for no reason. He also flirted/hit on you whilst knowing you were married. Decent people with a moral  compass do not do that. Why on earth would you date this guy in the first place and allow yourself to be dependent on him??  You keep talking about a deadbeat dad but your choices regarding your son haven’t been much better. You owe him a safe and stable enviroment where you are selective of who you allow into his life. A guy 25 years older, estranged from his children, forms a very quick bond with your child without worrying about their emotional wellbeing, flirts openly with a women with a partner etc would set off an alarm in most people. Leave him even if it means struggling financially for a while and even postponing your study until you can get back to it. Dont stay with this man. Is he what you want your son emulating in the future? 

    Post # 13
    Member
    301 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    Let me get this straight… you believe that the revenge for cheating should be using this man for his money while stringing your child along in the process?

    Are you absolutely kidding me? Be a better mother, and a better person than that. 

    Honestly, you two sound like you deserve eachother. This is disgusting and I hope you’re both very happy together.

    Post # 14
    Member
    681 posts
    Busy bee

    Bee, I mean this with love. I don’t think you should rely on any man that isn’t your husband to finance your life. I mean, if you were in a sugar daddy relationship, that is different, but it sounds like you were in a relationship with this guy. It couldn’t be for long, right? Since you are just getting divorced? I am confused by the “I am involved with a man side 8+ years…” comment. Is that man your ex-husband? It sounds like you are getting your career together and working on supporting yourself, but you have a kid to think about and you are in your 30s with no income flow? Are you going to get some in the divorce? Bee, don’t be with someone for just the money. Go live with some family members for a bit, establish yourself, and get a part-time job. This guy sucks.

     

    ETA: I saw some of your previous posts about the other toxic relationship you were in. Bee, it seems like you’ve gotten into a dating habit of dating some crappy men. I suggest some therapy and focusing on yourself for bit. I am happy to hear you are in school. Leave this loser, don’t take revenge, and focus on yourself. Sending love.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2914 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    @queenie8119:  I don’t think it’s right for you to stay and use this guy for his money, but I know that only you can make that decision. If you do stay, please do not have sex with him. This guy could be a walking STD. 

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