(Closed) Wealthy cheater. Should I stay or go? Child involved and I am full time student

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I use him for money and fake it till I make it on my own?

    Yes, fake it

    No, leave now, come what may

    It's complicated and read my response

  • Post # 32
    Member
    1390 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    @queenie8119:  This is not domestic violence and to consider it as such is insulting to the many women who find themselves in true DV situations. Your boyfriend is cheating on you and you are choosing to remain with him so you can take advantage of his money. The way to not “end up on the street with a small child” is to get a full-time job and support yourself and your child, the way millions of other women do. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee

    In most places he couldn’t legally toss you out of the house since it is your legal place of residence. He would most likely need to go through an eviction process with the courts. I’m sure you don’t want it to go that far, but just know that you shouldn’t need to worry about being suddenly thrown on the street. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    7850 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    Edit. Nevermind.

    Post # 35
    Member
    7804 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    It’s beyond fucked up that you’re trying to compare yourself to a domestic violence victim when you are nothing more than a gold digger. What kind of a mother wants to set this role for their child??? How can you sleep at night with such little self respect? You want ‘advice’ on how to leave and support your own child? Get another pt job or a ft one and be an adult. Millions of people are doing it literally every day. Stop this woe is me act, grow the fuck up and get your shit together for the sake of your child.

    Post # 36
    Member
    2060 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    @jellybellynelly:  this. OP you put yourself in this terrible position- do not ever rely on a man again, especially one you’re not married to.

    Get a full time job so you can support yourself and your child. If you would literally be in school for another 3 years then you probably need to put school on hold or find a way to juggle school, work and childcare. Depending on where you live there may be programs for single low income moms so look into what resources are out there 

    You are a single mom and you need to do the right thing here, no matter how difficult. 

    There is no excuse that can justify you freeloading off this man, even if he cheated on you. And keeping your child in this toxic situation is a terrible idea. You need to put your child first, even if it’s inconvenient for you.

    Post # 39
    Member
    7850 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    The issue is that the child is 8, and this man is the only father figure he’s really ever known. And it sounds like OP never saw a future with the man, so she intentionally allowed her child to get emotionally attached to a man she didn’t intend to stay with. It’s the kid in this situation who loses, no matter what happens.

    Post # 40
    Member
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I once dated a very very wealthy man and honestly I regret not faking it, he even told me he enjoys spoiling women and wants that fake love shit. I just couldn’t do it and we ended things, now that I’m older I wish I had done it and gotten out ahead. But I met my now husband 2-3 years afterwards and it’s been absolutely wonderful since, faking it to help set your family up for a financially secure future is understandable if you know for certain that he has done you wrong. 

    just keep giving him that wifey treatment and start stashing that spending money, budget more for groceries, household items or even an extra class course and then put that small amount away for when you do leave. I actually know a woman that did this, she found out her boyfriend of 5 years was still married and basically living a double life traveling between her and his family (he traveled a lot for work), she did exactly what I stated above and when she had enough saved for a beater car and an apartment she moved the f out. She left everything that he bought her, which I think was dumb but she felt good about it. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    13639 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    What would your plan have been a year ago if you had never moved in together? It is beyond irresponsible to have put yourself in this position, with a child no less. It’s not sustainable in any case. Now that he’s cheating on you, and knows you are on to him it could very well end tomorrow. What makes you think he’d agree to live as roommates indefinitely? That’s not going to happen. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    3591 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    You just need to leave him. Get a part-time job, get a loan for while you are in school, or if you have to, drop out and get a full-time job to save until you can go back to school. Living a lie is not a good thing for you or your kid. I hear a lot of you saying “oh poor me, I am a victim of my circumstances.” I don’t hear you saying what you are going to do to change your life. You don’t have to be a victim. You can take charge of your life and your kid’s life. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    3106 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    @KKJohnson:  The scenarios you describe lack several little somethings: Dignity. Self respect. They are the little somethings that allow people to stand tall and proud, even in dire circumstances.

    Post # 44
    Member
    7959 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @queenie8119:  You say people aren’t giving advice on how to move on and perhaps because it seems somewhat obvious. You may need to work full-time and go to school part-time until you can save enough money for a security deposit and several months’ rent and expenses. You may need to continue going to school part-time and utilize child care (even this guy if you remain friends) while you finish your degree. Some schools provide subsidized child care (who knows what the options are during Covid). Regardless–if you love him and want to be with him long-term discuss counseling. If you just want to bide your time until you can be independent sit down and make a budget and a plan. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    4925 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @queenie8119:  i just looked at your post history and this isn’t the first time he’s  cheated on you and you’ve broken up before.  You also posted on here that  he used you on the mortgage to buy his house and when you broke up that caused issues because you wanted off it  and he wouldn’t do it because it would force him to refinance and he’d be out a lot of dollars. I don’t get your decision making process honestly. You’ve had years to get your ducks in a row and learn to become independent. You said in one of your posts that you had some  kind of job in the military arena so I’d assume by that, that you’d have some kind of transferable and employable skills that you could utilise to get at least a part time  job in the intervening years since you first broke up with him. Ive worked full-time and studied full time at the same time. Ive also held down a full time job whilst working 20 hours at a part time job and then teaching foreign  language classes on weekends on top of the full time and part time job. It is very possible to do it if the desire is there. I’d think being able to put food on the table and a roof over your childs head as well as keeping said child away from unhealthy and unstable influences should be motivation enough to try skill up and hold a down a job at the same time. 

    You aren’t a victim of abuse here . You are the sole person responsible for where you are at because you repeatedly  made poor choices. He’s  shown you several times in the past who he was. You chose to go back to him with your child knowing full well who he was because it was easier on you financially and and from your previous posts it seems he  took care of the babysitting for you too. Get your shit together and make good choices for the sake of your son. I know what I wrote was harsh but it’s obvious nobody in your real life has ever told you this but it’s really something you need to hear for the sake of your child. You are potentially going down the path of causing damage to your sons mental and emotional well-being. He’s better off having a strong mother as a sole role model in his life as opposed to some dead beat dad or some cheating immoral asshole like this guy. 

    Also its not ever ok to teach a child that you can use people for you own ends. Nothing a person has done is ever a justification for using someone. Your son is 6 years old. He’s old enough to understand and pick up on what isnt actually being said. Just don’t.

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