(Closed) Wealthy cheater. Should I stay or go? Child involved and I am full time student

posted 12 months ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I use him for money and fake it till I make it on my own?

    Yes, fake it

    No, leave now, come what may

    It's complicated and read my response

  • Post # 61
    Member
    13564 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    OP, you really need to do whatever it takes to get yourself and your son out of this situation. Now you’re finally admitting to outright abuse and domestic violence, which can and does escalate. Not to mention what you are exposing your son to think is normal. Kids see and hear everything. The bottom line is you are literally putting your lives at risk. There are resources for abuse victims and I highly advise looking into them as a first step. 

    If the condo is in your name and you are the one who put the money into it, I don’t understand why you think there are no options. Either he can buy you out or you can kick him out and sell the place. Consult an attorney, put school on hold or take a leave of absence if necessary, and get a full time job like millions of single mothers. Yes, there may be short term sacrifices involved, but they are far better than the alternative. 

    Post # 62
    Member
    4319 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    This is a shitty plan. And not just because it’s gross to use someone for their money, but also because you’re likely going to end up screwing yourself over.

    This guy has got what he needed from you: you say he was in a bad financial spot and you helped him. He mistreats you. And now he’s come into money and has one foot out the door by cheating on you. It’s obvious by your surprise that you don’t know what he’s capable of, so I wouldn’t trust your assumption that he’s just going to play along with this happy family game indefinitely.

    It is only a matter of time until he boots you out, so sticking your head in the sand and pretending it’s ok is just going to delay the inevitable of you needing to find a backup plan for you and your kid. 

    Regardless of who is wrong, the fact is you need to come up with a plan where you don’t rely on him. And I get leaving school now is not ideal, but at this point you don’t have much of a choice. You need a fulltime income, and you need it yesterday.

    Post # 63
    Member
    296 posts
    Helper bee

    I just want to say I feel for you. It sounds like you were in a great financial position, bet on this relationship at a time your boyfriend was saddled with debt, and allowed him to lean on your solvency to secure the home you both own legally, supporting him. Then, once he came into some money, you relied on him to step in as a partner, committing to school and attempting to finalize the ties to your ex (while securing child support for your son). I 100 percent understand how infuriating it is, when at the time you need support, you find this man who you helped and are a partner to, screwing around… during a pandemic. I also fully understand the inclination to want to get yourself in a good position if you lack legal support in a bottomless custody case, financial means, and secure housing during a pandemic. 

    Rather than berate you for being anti-feminist, I think you need to carefully sketch out an exit strategy. Slowly selling things you have the right to. Squirreling away money that you can. Getting all of your and your son’s health appointments up to date. Making sure you vehicle is reliable. Having a real estate agent assess your equity in this home should you need to force a sale. Do all of this for you and the future of a little boy who doesn’t deserve to see a man scream at, cuss at, and physically abuse his mother. 

    Hugs to you.

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