(Closed) Wearing Black to a Wedding

posted 11 years ago in Dress
  • poll: Is it okay to wear a black dress to a wedding?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 62
    Member
    820 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    LOL, I agree with Meganmp1. I think so long as you don’t wear white/cream/ivory- you should be golden. I personally had no idea about the etiquette rules of basically dressing down so you don’t steal the limelight from the bride, so I have worn red, black, and even one realllly fancy, “wow” dress (albeit to the fanciest wedding I’ve ever been to). I’m not one to ruffle feathers intentionally though, so now that I’ve planned my own wedding and learned more about these things, I wouldn’t have worn the red dress, nor the ‘wow’ dress because I wouldn’t want anyone to think i was trying to steal the spotlight (which they very well may have), even though i know i wasn’t. make sense? Actually, I had a woman wear a real show-stopping dress to my wedding- I mean, it was jaw-dropping and must have cost a pretty penny- but I complimented her on it! She looked hot! I didn’t for a second think someone might forget who the bride was, or say she looked prettier than I did!

    I definitely think it’s ridiculous how careful you have to be with what you wear- since when do you have to try NOT to look your best when going to a dressy affair? Pffft. Also- I think even the people that wear all white/ivory- do it by complete accident anyway. Most people don’t get dressed and think “Gee, what should I wear so as not to steal any bit of attention from the bride/guest of honor?”

    Post # 63
    Member
    4381 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!

    i’ve worn black to several weddings, and i never got the stink eye from the bride.

    someone even wore a white dress to our wedding, and i didn’t even bat an eyelash. 

    (i did, however, seriously raise my eyebrows at a relative’s hot pink leather minidress. it was… yeah. inappropriate.)

    Post # 64
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think we are missing a big issue here.  I think culture may play a big part in this. I am of Puerto Rican decent, born/raised in New York, and I have to agree with Vaness13181.

    Black, as I understood growing up, was a VERY BIG slap in the face to the bride and groon.  A silent way of disapproving the marriage without really saying it.

    Unhappy future mom in laws and tias (aunts) were popular for doing this if they didn”t have the audacity of saying so to the couple. I’ve even witnessed people plotting this sort of thing out loud. 

    As for red, I’ve always understood it to be disrespectful to wear at a funeral.  As for weddings, you’d wear it (solid red) if you wanted to draw attention to yourself and thus away from the bride.

    And you just are asking for a New York style beat down and tongue lashing  from the bridal party and family if you would dare to wear white….never mind what the bride would do to you.

    I personally would refrain from my entire bridal party wearing all black as there are plenty of funerals I’ll be attending in my life where I’ll get to see tons of black dresses…but to each their own.

    Yeah times change, but I still think theres some value in seeing a nicely dressed and presentable young adult whose boxers are not exposed and whose thongs are not visible when I go to the mall dropping f-bombs cause its the new thing to do. Its still nice when a youngster says excuse me instead of pushing you out of their way as their parent looks at them without a clue.  But yeah times change, I guess we’ve gotta go with the flow.

    I think as every decade passes we loose a little more of “tradition” to new and somewhat absurd new ways of doing things and poorer and poorer attempts a rationalizing what etiquette would tell us was once inappropriate.

    Weddings as we know it may be a thing of the past in the near future.  

    Yeah….black sounds really like the best choice along with white and red…..lets just go all out why don’t we…….?

    Post # 65
    Member
    377 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Loulee, I agree with your post, in that there are specific cultures and groups where black is still a big no-no. Someone else mentioned parts of the south, and Thai culture.

    As far as tradition being lost over time, though, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. Look at the etiquette of the 1920s… the Victorian era… the Colonial era… and way on back. Things have always changed over time, there have always been some people who are polite and some who are rude, but as a rule we’ve remained pretty civilized over time.

    Sorry to be a nerd here, but this gives me the chance to whip out a couple of my favorite historical quotes. I find this really funny – these historical figures could have jumped right into this WB debate (oh yes, I am a BIG nerd):

    Attributed to Socrates:

    “The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they allow disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children now are tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.”

    Hesiod, from the Eighth Century:

    “I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on the frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words. When I was a boy, we were taught to be discrete and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise and impatient of restraint.”

    And this, attributed to Peter the Hermit in 1274:

    “The world is passing through troublous times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress.”

    Post # 66
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Wow….I found your quotes so charming……And, it made me feel so old……HAHA.

    Thanx for that….and you’re not a nerd….!

    Post # 67
    Member
    53 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I think black is fine for an evening wedding if it’s dressed up with colourful accessories.

    I wouldn’t wear black to a daytime wedding, but that is just my preference. I don’t think it’s rude or anything.

    If in doubt, ask the bride!

    Post # 68
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    i love black!!! my mom felt the same way as she is walking me down the aisle and i asked her to choose a fun black dress, she feels she is going to a funeral. i told her a FUN black dress. and to me it toally outdated!!!!

    Post # 70
    Member
    430 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    @Circus Peanut:

    Yes, I’ve been to weddings where people were bothered by guests wearing black. I certainly would not have wanted anybody to wear black at my wedding. In the UK, wearing black is a sign that the guest disapproves of the match or is in mourning. None of my female guests, not even my 97-year-old great-grandma would have dreamed of wearing black or dark grey; not even my rebellious sister who wore a trouser suit in light blue, because she hates dresses and skirts.

    Personally, I do not find black very elegant. I attend a great many formal social functions, and am always amazed at the number of women wearing black. It’s unimaginative and frankly quite boring. Show some colour! Wear something that sets you off from the crowd! The sad sea of black really makes me miss the old days when women were not afraid of wearing pretty colours.

     

     

    Post # 71
    Member
    430 posts
    Helper bee

    P.S. Even with the etiquette rules that say no black, no white (ivory, cream, pearl, etc.), no bright red and no bare shoulders in church, I still have dozens of options, and have always been well-dressed.

    The topic ‘Wearing Black to a Wedding’ is closed to new replies.

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