Wearing engagement ring for months now…and I hate it:( What to do?

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 61
Member
418 posts
Helper bee

It’s threads like this that make me dislike the bee. Some users are so unnecessarily catty. It makes sense not to post it. It makes sense you waited to decide how you feel. It makes sense you’re turning for the internet for advice. 

We don’t know your finger size so it’s possible for a carat as a solitaire may not have the coverage you’d like. 

I also don’t get why so many bees are harping about who is paying. It’s none of our business. After we got engaged, my partner and I looked at all income as ours. We discuss big purchases together anyway. 

You should talk to him about how you feel. It’s going to be on your finger forever, so it should make you smile. After telling him it doesn’t make you smile, go back to where he got it and discuss the options. My vote is 3 stone with your current diamond, just because I love 3 stones and the finger coverage. If you want a solitaire, see what the wholesale person says.

Good luck bee!

Post # 62
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

As a practical matter, it may be easiest to get yourself a hearts and arrows cut moissanite solitaire as your “alternative” set. Prob easier and cheaper than changing the setting. Some people have multiple wedding sets.

Post # 63
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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embarrassedbeebabe :  A 1 ct ring with a halo… NO ONE on the bee has ever posted a ring like that. I can see your concern. 🙄

Post # 64
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
embarrassedbeebabe :  Coming from a bee who took some time to fully love my engagement ring for exactly what it was… I understand how you might be feeling. However, in the big picture of things, you may still really grow to love your ring and greatly regret changing it. It took me about a year, year and a half to truly come to adore my ring and the smaller (.60ct) stone my husband carefully and with lots of love chose to propose to me with. With that said, maybe give it some more time. Changing an engagement ring (gift from love) after so long is tricky. 

Along with the concerns of the PP’s, I would also have a problem with expecting your fiancé (who definitely put a lot of money and love into your ring) to pay for any difference in costs. If you want something different, especially after telling him definitely, I think you should be the one to foot the bill this time around as you’re treating it like any other jewelry item. 

Post # 65
Member
546 posts
Busy bee

I feel sad for this guy. He asked what you wanted, took the initiative to go out and find something to offer as a token for proposal. Ummed and ahhhed in shops and talked to jewlers. How will he feel when he hears you want a totally different ring. Why can’t the symbol of the ring out-shine the materialistic element. When it is changed, it is no longer the engagement ring, as it isnt the ring he proposed with. It is just a ring. There is something special about a ring that a partner searches for and buys for his partner with the intent of proposing with it. We are so quick to lose sight of that.

Post # 66
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

After 6 months you can’t exchange it. You could reset the stone. That’s your cheapest option.

For upgrades the general rule is they will give you the diamond value of the old stone if the new stone is 50 percent more expensive.

So if he spent 10k on a stone the new one would have to be 15k. (Not a slight difference) Second hand jewelry is pretty much worthless, they can’t sell the ring you are giving them to someone else for the same price you bought it for, so for the company to give you full credit you have to make it worth it for them.

If they were generous and included the setting, you would still have to pay 50 percent more than the entire ring, setting and diamond cost. My jeweler doesn’t give you the value of the setting. So depending on how expensive your setting was that could be lost or if it cost 5k you would have to spend an additional 2.5 k. So if your setting was 5k and your diamond 10k, you would have to spend 22.5k or 7.5k more for your upgrade.

Keep your ring! Love it for what it is and upgrade for an anniversary present. 

You thought you knew what you wanted you changed your mind. Most people’s taste changes as they age, what you love now you may not love in 30 years. 

Post # 68
Member
11 posts
Newbee

The only suggestion I have for you is maybe talk to your fiance honestly about not liking the setting of the ring and tell him you didn’t really know what kind of style you really loved. If he’s okay with it, get the setting changed to something that suits you more. I don’t think it’s nice to ask him to get you a bigger diamond though. Maybe in few years once you guys are more established you can upgrade the center diamond to a bigger one.

If you think the loss of finger coverage would bother you greatly, maybe consider changing the halo to less “trendy” looking one? How about one of those tucked in, subtle halos? I wasn’t a fan of halos until I saw Tacori rings. Try googling Tacori Dantela. It doesn’t really seem like a halo, but makes your center diamond slightly bigger looking. Maybe something like that would work for you? Hope this helps. 

Post # 69
Member
10630 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

‘Finger coverage’ l can’t just can’t with this phrase. And a 1 carat high quality diamond with the halo you asked for…now you want to take the halo off and will thus need  more ‘coverage’ . With what,  2 carats? More? 

l doubt he’ll be anything other than hurt if you tell him why you now hate it. Especially if you tell him that you want him to pay for an ‘upgrade’ for .. sentimental…… reasons .

 

 

 

 

View original reply
embarrassedbeebabe :  

Post # 70
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

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embarrassedbeebabe :  My advice is to revisit the time when you were happy with your ring. Ask yourself why did it make you happy before. Since your feelings changed for whatever reason, they can change back to when you initially liked the ring. You found joy in it before and I believe that’s still possible. I’d be more empathetic if you hated it right out of the box bc he ignored your wishes entirely. I don’t think it’s worth the potential hurt feelings. 1 carat is good enough coverage for anyone really. You have not at least mentioned your size yet since you will not show the ring. 

Post # 71
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

I’m a girl with a bigger finger (9.75) and was worried about finger coverage.  I looked incessantly for pictures of rings I liked, but it wasn’t until I went into a store to try on actual rings that I really got the clarity I needed.  I gave my FH the type of stone I wanted and 2 or 3 band options I liked and he made the choice from there.  He knew that I was worried about finger coverage so we talked a bit about carat size and budget.  I did not want a halo so carat size was important.

He bought a beautiful 1.5 carat diamond and definitely paid more for E color and VVS1.  In my mind I had considered that maybe he should have gotten a bigger diamond with slightly less quality as I think you can still get a great looking diamond that way, but it was really important to him to get something very high quality and he got to make those decisions. 

I love my ring.  My FH could have spent a lot more on it, and sometimes I wish maybe it was a smidge bigger since I do have large fingers, but I honestly could not imagine him spending any more money than he did and what he chose was perfect. 

I think you can maybe have a conversation with him about the setting and get that changed out because a simple solitare is not much money, but asking for a larger diamond would be outside of what I would think is appropriate.  Save that for an upcoming anniversary.

Post # 72
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think getting a bigger center stone is not your best option, price-wise. I liked PPs’ suggestions to remove the halo (though that will likely mean resetting the ring) and turning the stones into a blingy wedding band. You could also look into enhancers, reset the ring into a more vintage-style halo, or instead of a solitaire make it a 3-stone ring. You could put baguettes or small ovals/pears on either side of a 1 carat center stone for more coverage but still keep a timeless look. 

I also agree with other bees that there is nothing sentimental about having your husband or fiance pay for your replacement ring because you decided you weren’t happy with the original one he bought you. My husband and I actually split the cost of my ring, though, so I guess I’m not super traditional.

Post # 74
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
embarrassedbeebabe :  If you’re keeping the stone and adding it to another setting, perhaps you should also add your birthstone (or his) to your original e-ring and keep that one as an alternative ring. This way, you’re keeping both elements of the engagement ring.  A high quality one carat stone (for most birthstones) can be quite cheap. Several would be under $100.

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