Post # 1
I know you all will talk some sense into me on this issue. I’ve been going back-and-forth all day about posting this topic. I am hesitant to wear my engagement ring to work! I know. What on Earth is wrong with me, right?
I started a new job, I want to “fit in” with the other younger people in the office, and I don’t know anyone at this office; in my other jobs I’ve at least known one or two people prior to my joining the team. I know without a doubt that this position will put me in a great place for advancement. I don’t know how I’ve reached this point, but during the interview, and my first days I haven’t worn my engagement ring. My partner knows and has said he isn’t concerned but reminded me that I got the job and clearly I shouldn’t worry anymore. But should I really not worry?
Initially, I justified not wearing my ring because I wanted my age to be as ambigious as possible. However, now I really feel weird about wearing it because somehow in my mind I’ve put together a scenario where my employeers will interpret the ring as my being one step closer to starting a family and thus one step closer to not working. I have worked really hard to get to this point and I guess I’m just paranoid about allowing any obstacles (not that I view my impending marriage as an obstacle, but instead the potential attention) in my path.
Are there any Bees out there who understand where I’m coming from? If so, how did you get through your hang-up? Has anyone at work, especially higher-ups, ever made comments about your being engaged or married? Please share your experiences on both sides.
I feel like a fish out of water here. I never thought in a million years I’d be so hyper-vigilant about my engagement ring and these perceived outside perspectives.
Post # 3
I don’t think most employers worry about the engagement ring. I’ve experienced more the pregnancy issues, will she come back from mat leave? etc. It was never really verbalized to the person(i’ve never been preg at work), just a little concern that someone was leaving them hanging to max out on benies and not let them know so they could hire a new person. Wear the ring,
Post # 4
Eventually, it’s going to come out that you’re engaged and it’ll be weird if you don’t have a ring, as most people assume that comes with a proposal. Just wear it, own it. Don’t let it be something it’s not.
Post # 5
I work in an industry that is predominately male, and all the women I’ve worked with that have gone on maternity leave have returned to working full time and my mother worked full time during my childhood, so I’m unfamiliar with the assumption that being married means you are one step closer to quitting.
I think you should wear your ring and not worry what assumptions people will make. Not wearing it doesn’t immediately make you seem older or younger or anything really.
Post # 6
Go ahead and wear it. Nobody will care. It’s not like it’s unusual for women in the working world to be married nowadays. I’d say go ahead and wear it. It will draw more attention if you suddenly start wearing it after people know you (because people will think you are newly engaged) than if you start wearing it now when you’re new.
Post # 7
I would say wear it…at the end of the day it is part of who you are and I presume that at some point you will be taking holiday for the wedding and honeymoon. Wearing the ring is a nondescript way of letting them know you’re engaged without shouting about it from the rooftops.
Post # 8
I did not wear my engagement ring for my most recent interview, but did wear my wedding band. I interviewed with a large non-profit, and didn’t know anyone there. Also, I’ve just gotten in the habit of saying “partner” and not boyfriend/husband (that’s more something from my industry – lots of us do it. There are a fair amount of LGBTQIQA individuals in my industry, and also when I do workshops, i don’t want to appear one way or the other.). I guess I carried that over to the engagement ring. Also, my wedding band is small adn simple. Now that I’m hired, I’ll probably wait a few days adn then wear my ring once I’m more comfortable. However, I’ll be doing a lot of community education, and have no plans to go sans ring
Post # 9
Honestly, I don’t think people notice e-rings that much (unless they are looking for them for some reason). I was talking to a client the other day and mentioned something about the wedding. I’ve seen this client many times since I got engaged. I’ve said things about my fiancé (using the word ‘fiancé’). I always wear my ring. His response was, “Oh, you’re getting married? Congratulations!” He had no idea. I think that’s how most people are. Before I got engaged I didn’t really care about e-rings so I didn’t look for them and therefore, didn’t notice them. Now like to see what other people have so I look sometimes.
Post # 10
I live in a college town, so around here, if employers know you like the area (and plan on staying in town a long time) they’ll feel better about investing into you. The employers I know see marriage as a sign you’re settling down and will be working there a long time. Sound weird? I’ve heard it from friends.
Plus, now a days, it’s not taken for granted that marriage means children right away. Couples wait much longer to have children, and seem to keep working (with child in daycare) more these days. I think all those factors make employers view engagemet/marriage as negligible.
Post # 11
Thank you to all for your wisdom and for sharing your experiences. A lot of you made some really solid points.
@HisIrishPrincess: “just a little concern that someone was leaving them hanging to max out on benies…”
Thanks for that honest reply. It’s possibly that I’m channeling those sentiments waaaaay too early.
@futuremrsk18: “Eventually, it’s going to come out that you’re engaged and it’ll be weird if you don’t have a ring…Don’t let it be something it’s not.”
Good point. I don’t want to wait until it’s a big deal when I wear the ring which would completely defeat the point of not attracting attention in from the beginning!
@LittleCricket: “I’m unfamiliar with the assumption that being married means you are one step closer to quitting”
Leaving to be a stay at home mom is the juicy assumption I’m making which is an incredible antiquated view.
@FromA2B2013: “at the end of the day it is part of who you are and I presume that at some point you will be taking holiday for the wedding and honeymoon” Another solid point which I didn’t think about since I was freaking out about getting the job. *starts daydreaming about the honeymoon we can now have*
@MistySoda: “Before I got engaged I didn’t really care about e-rings so I didn’t look for them and therefore, didn’t notice them. Now like to see what other people have so I look sometimes.”
Right! Ultimate “new car” phenomenon.
@AcornEyes: “I live in a college town, so around here, if employers know you like the area (and plan on staying in town a long time) they’ll feel better about investing into you.” Wow. I hadn’t even considered this point of view. My supervisor definitely mentioned that he is hoping to have someone there for the long haul too as they grow the department out. Hummm.