Post # 1
Just need an opinion here 🙂
My FBIL is getting married next weekend to a girl named A. FI has two brothers. The other brother’s GF named J has said that she is going to wear the same colour as the bridesmaids because she wants to match her boyfriend (who is in the wedding party!) and that, because she is family, she is supposed to wear the same colour. I was confused, so I emailed A, who said that she has told J that she absolutely DOES NOT want her to wear the same colour as the bridesmaids, but that J is insisting, and said she will wear a different shade of the same colour, but refuses to wear a different colour. A is beside herself upset about this, and now I’m worried that the same thing will happen at our wedding in 3 months… when FI’s brother will also be in our wedding party and wearing our wedding colours. I really don’t want her wearing our wedding colours, and don’t know how to help A, who has asked me to talk to her… she just won’t listen!
So… if your “sister in law” were to wear the same colour as your bridesmaids would you be upset? or are A and I just being crazy brides? any suggestions how to deal with this?
Post # 3
No sometimes guests don’t know the colours and then it is understandable!
But I am a firm believer if you know the colours you avoid all shades at all costs no matter who you are!
Maybe you should let J know that this is upsetting A and you think she should choose another colour!
Post # 4
I wouldn’t care if someone who didn’t know the color of the bridesmaids’ dresses (ie wasn’t close to the planning process) showed up in the same color. But it’s a whole other thing to purposefully try to dress like the wedding party. You aren’t a bridesmaid – don’t try to make people think you are!
Post # 5
I wouldn’t care. What color are the BMs wearing? Chances are other guests are going to accidentally wear the BMs color. Unless she’s buying the exact BM dress I don’t think its worth fighting about.
Post # 6
Unless she’s planning to wear the same dress the bridesmaids will be wearing, let it go. Same color? No big deal.
Post # 7
in general I wouldn’t care if people happened to have on a similar color, HOWEVER, if I KNEW the bride didn’t want me to wear a certain color, I wouldn’t wear that color. That just seems like common courtesy to me. If wearing or not wearing a certain color would make the bride happy, then I’m not sure why her desire to match her BF would be more important to her. It just seems passive aggressive to me to intentionally try to match the wedding party, especially when the bride as expressed that she doesn’t want you to. Very childish imho.
I would try to say something subtly, like bring up “oh hey, what are you wearing, I’m going to wear my little black dress blah blah blah… oh, you’re trying to match the bridal party? Is the bride ok with that? Oh she’s not? So why are you doing it then? Don’t you think everyone will think that’s a little childish? ok, whatever…” In the end she’s the one who will look like a fool, and while it doesn’t help your FSIL, chances are if she is embarrassed enough about it with this wedding, she won’t try it again for yours…
Post # 8
That’s really rude to still insist on wearing the color even after the bride told her she didn’t like it! Strange stuff. Other than that I wouldn’t care. If I was asked, “Is it ok if I wear the same color”, I’d probably ask that they try not to. But, I couldn’t tell you what color any woman was wearing on the day of the wedding, so they may have been wearing purple and I never noticed. On the actual day, it won’t be an issue, there’s just too much other great stuff going on.
Post # 9
I gree with the others this is rude
I have selected a family color that is a different shade of the wedding color, but i don’t know if i would want girlfriends to wear the family color.
Regarding how to address the issue, I would get the FBIL involved, technically she is his guest so he should be able to talk her.
Post # 10
Personally I wouldn’t care. My MOH’s husband (who was not in the wedding party) wore a shirt that matched her dress… no big deal to me. I was too busy celebrating with my new hubby to even care what others were doing/wearing!
Post # 11
as long as they arent wearing white/ivory to my wedding i could care less. if people want to match the decor more power to them.
often people pick colors for the families of the wedding parties to wear. i dont believe in doing this since i dont believe in dictating to guests that they *have* to buy something whatever color. i reserve that to my bridal party LOL i just want them to wear something appropriate to the event and not upstage the bride 🙂
she might think its normal to do this though – its practically a family tradition of my folks to try and match the bridal colors. i am purposely not telling folks the colors so they CANT do this – i hate it when everyone is matchy matchy.
but if shes doing it on purpose to spite the bride when she doesnt want her to do it, its rude. but if you are asking if you should even care? my vote is no i dont think its important.
Post # 12
For my brother’s wedding, the bride’s brother’s girlfriend (if that makes sense) wore the same color gown as the bridesmaids. Since she was hanging around everyone the photographer thought she was in the wedding and now almost every picture has her in it. My brother and SIL didn’t realize this at the time but now they have all wedding pictures of some girl their brother was dating at the time.
Post # 13
I really wouldn’t care about this at all. As long as the bridesmaids wear what I ask them to wear, and no one wears white, I really don’t care what colors anyone else wears, (including the families).
Post # 14
I’m a bride and my FI’s brother is getting married soon and I’m not in the bridal party. Would I purposefully wear his brother’s wedding colours to their wedding to match my FI?
Nope. 🙂 I’m rocking my own dress with my own colors to match a pair of heels!!!
A wedding guest should be able to wear what s/he want to wear. (at least that’s my philosophy for my wedding). And if my FI’s brother’s future wife insists on wearing my colors…I’d take humor in the fact that she is trying to match and just let my vendors know whose’s in the bridal party, so not as to be confused. However, if she did this on purpose and I were to have an issue with it, I’d just tell her my concern and politely ask her to not wear that color.
More importantly, as an other bee said above, focus on your wedding day and why you are getting married. Not whether someone is trying to match you or not.
Post # 15
It’s definitely rude that she’s not listening to the bride, hopefully the message wasn’t given to her rudely in the first place and she’s now doing this out of spite… I think it’s up to J’s boyfriend to make this uncomfortable situation end and to also ensure that it does not come up as a problem for you at your wedding (since you are specifically worried about that- and have a right to be!) Given that photographers could get confused as Roxy pointed out, her matching outfit isn’t ideal for the occasion.
I would tell the bride to talk to future brother-in-law versus J, I bet she’ll feel like all the girls are ganging up on her if you are the one to relay the message to her directly. Also, as you said she’s not going to listen to you, but she will hopefully listen to him. If all else fails, and she decides to still wear the matching dress you can help the bride by discreetly pointing J out to the photographers and making them aware that she is not in fact part of the bridal party.
Wishing you and your future SIL the best of luck in handling this situation, don’t let this small. petty stuff get you down or worry you, remember these occasions are the celebration of the bride and the groom and no-one will remember what the bridesmaids or relatives were wearing anyway!
Post # 16
I read a thread about this yesterday. To me only the wedding party should be wearing the colors! If the bride wanted everyone to wear the wedding colors it would have said it on the invite.
Someone needs to send a few weddingbee links to this girl.