Post # 1
- Wedding: Somewhere Tropical
I was married before. My father who is since deceased wasnt around much when I was a kid so when my first marriage came around he wanted to pay for everything. He purchased beautiful gown for me that has hung in my grandmothers closet for 10 years now. Long story short the wedding didnt happen we just went to the Justice of the Peace office and got married back then ( we already had a child together ). I have thought about wearing this dress in my second wedding only as a tribute to my father as he wont be there to walk me down the aisle. I am just not sure how SO would feel knowing that this dress was originally intended for a wedding to another man. I am sure a conversation is needed just wanted to see others thoughts.
My second thought was to take parts of the dress and have it made into something new. I dont have much from my dad so I guess I am just holding on to this dress for some reason.
Post # 2
Personally I wouldn’t, I would associate the dress too much with the previous marriage and I wouldn’t want to have that hanging over me. There is no right or wrong though, everyone will view this differently.
Post # 3
I LOVE the sentiment behind the dress your father purchased. If you do have the conversation with your fiance, explain to him the difference between wearing the dress your father bought and wearing a dress you’ve owned since your previous marriage.
If you were wearing this dress as a means to hang on to your previous relationship, I’d say no way.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
As long as you associate the dress more with your father than your first marriage, I think that is what is important. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t discuss it with your fiance, but I think you should make it clear to him that this is something that is important to you because it is something that connects you to your father.
If he is not comfortable with that, then definitely make something out of the dress. What is it made out of? If there is tulle on it maybe you could make it into a veil? Use the fabric to wrap the bouquet stem? (You could also do that with one of your father’s ties/shirts, if anyone still has any of those) Take a square of the fabric and have your fathers name/maybe a sentiment or something he used to say a lot embroidered on it and have it sewn onto the inside of a new gown?
Post # 5
I guess I’m not that sentimental. The dress wasn’t intended for another man. It wasn’t a gift to him. It wasn’t for him to wear. Your dad bought it for you. It was intended for you to wear to an occasion that didn’t occur, but he bought it for you. You, not him.
And honestly if it did occur and you had worn it I really don’t see the big deal – It’s fabric sewn together that’s been hanging in a closet. But in this case it really isn’t a big deal – you never even wore it. And I really dont understand the PP’s saying “if your current fiance is comfortable with it.” Hundreds of thousands of brides and more the world over pick their wedding dress with zero consultation or input from their future spouses. This need not be any different.
If you still like it and it fits, then wear it. The dress is for you…not anyone else. No one else needs to like it or wear it or even know it’s origin story – it’s a dress, not a magical superhero – and you could have bought It new or at a thrift store or whatever and it really doesn’t f*cking matter. It only matters if you like it and it makes you feel good.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2018 - City, State
I’m not sentimental, either. If you love the dress and associate it with your father, I say go for it.
I also think “if your current fiance is comfortable with it” is a very weird and mildly controlling sentiment (why does it matter to him what you put on your body?) but if oyu want to let him know, I would say explain don’t request. Like: “I am wearing this dress I bought years ago with my dad, he’s not around anymore but it always makes me think of him” instead of “Are you cool with me wearing my wedding dress from my ex?” You don’t need permission.
Post # 7
While I agree that in general the dress one wears on one’s wedding day is 100% the decision of the person wearing it, in this case, where symbolism might be involved, it would be kind to take the OP’s fiance’s feelings into consideration. I don’t think that’s controlling. Just because some people have no sentimentality toward fabric doesn’t mean it’s wrong to feel that way, as long as it’s done respectfully. Not sure I would love the idea of my husband wearing the cufflinks he bought to wear on his wedding day to his ex, on our wedding day.
Post # 8
Talk to your fiancé. Tell him to you I’d be like your father walking you down the aisle. If he has a problem then maybe convert the dress into a christening gown for future children, or use parts of it in other ways.
Post # 9
I think it’s fine. My cousin actually did this. It was a family secret lol.
Post # 10
- Wedding: Somewhere Tropical
Thanks for all the input! I in no way relate this dress to my previous relationship. My ex didnt even know it existed. Its a tulle aline gown with a heavily beaded bodice. It wasnt cheap! It definatley is a lot more flashy than my taste these days. ( hello I was fresh in my 20s back in then! ) It is a lot to consider for sure. I also dont find it controlling to consider my fiances feelings and wouldnt want to not to be honest and open about the matter. Honestly if the tables were turned I might have some negative feelings about it.
Post # 11
kaykibbs87 : If it were me, I would probably see it as “this dress has been waiting patiently for 10 years for the RIGHT wedding”, lol. If the tables were turned and my fiance said he had previously found a suit that really spoke to him for his first wedding, and bought it with his dad who later died, and that wedding never happened but he held on to the suit for the right time, I would be on board with that.
That said, if you aren’t in love with the dress and/or it makes your fiance really uncomfortable, pass. Or use part of the dress somehow, as you mentioned.
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I think you should wear the dress, and I also don’t think you need to run it by your Fiance. This was your deceased father’s gift to you. He never got a chance to see you get married it. You now have a chance to do that. I think it would be a lovely tribute to gin to wear the dress, and I can’t imagine why your Fiance would be against that.
Post # 13
I always see the dress as something quite separate from the relationship so it wouldn’t bother me at all to repurpose the dress. In fact my practical side would rejoice in the chance to do so.
Post # 14
I was engaged 12 years before I married my now husband. I had a dress but then the engagement was called off and it just sat in Mom’s closet.
I did wear it on my wedding day to my now husband. 12 years ago I originally chose a different dress that was more my ex’s style, but then freaked out and ordered one I wanted instead. So I never felt like I bought it for my ex. I also like to think that the dress waited all that time for the right man. I still love the style and no point in my mind spending lots on another dress which would probably be similar.
I did talk to my husband about it. If he’d minded I wouldn’t have worn it. I explained my reasons and he was incredibly supportive. I loved wearing it on the day and he said it was exactly the style he’d have chosen for me 🙂
Sure it’s unconventional, and very few people know I did it, but it totally worked for us. Don’t feel bad about wanting that connection with your Dad.
Post # 15
I am totally on board with the ‘this dress has been waiting for the right wedding’ concept and I think it’s rather lovely before you even get to the sentimental bits about your Dad buying it for you. I do think you should of course run it past your fiance because that is the kind and considerate thing to do.
It is madness to suggest there is anything controlling about being conisderate of other peoples feelings on a potentially sensitive issue.