(Closed) wearing white to a wedding? options please!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Can you ask your Fiance to talk to his brother to tell her to get another dress? I thought it was common knowledge that you shouldn’t wear white. But it was nice of her to ask.

Post # 4
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Hey I mean, she asked, which shows that she respects you enough to ask, and is clearly being considerate of your feelings.  If you don’t want her to wear it, then say it may not be appropriate, and I’m sure she’ll respect your opinion. 

Personally, here’s my thought on the topic.  I’m pretty sure that no one is going to mistake her for the bride, as it is your weddding.  And unless she’s wearing a long white gown with a veil and carrying a bouquet, pretty sure no one will notice.

Post # 5
Member
671 posts
Busy bee

just tell her the truth. She said she won’t mind and she would understand

Post # 6
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I actually wore a green and white dress to a friends wedding and when I first told her it was green and white she kind of freaked out because all she heard was “white” but the dress I wore was actually a short bridesmaid dress from Davids Bridal… once I emailed her thepicture she told me it was absolutely adorable and I wore it and it was fine. I think in the case of wearing white to a wedding it depends on te style and how much white is actually in the dress. If the dress is black and white… is it a gown or something that resembles a wedding gown or is it a dress that is black with white in it? I think before you freak out possibly ask to see the dress… the whole purpose of not wearing white to a wedding is to not take away from the bride and I doubt thats the sort of dress she got

Post # 7
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It is never okay to wear white to a wedding unless you’re the bride.

Period.

Post # 8
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I agree with @NauticalBride2011, I don’t understand the thing about white at a wedding.  I don’t think anyone will mistake them for the bride.  Where did that tradition/etiquette come from? 
However, if you feel uncomfortable then respectful ask she return the white dress for something else. That was nice that she asked.

Post # 9
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t think you should let it bother you. No one is going to mistake her for the bride. I think people can get really heated over this and it’s kind of silly. Unless she is wearing a white gown or a white dress fancier than the bride’s, which would be extreme and intentional, I think, I don’t see what the big deal is.

Post # 10
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

It’s kind of hard to tell from the description how “white” it really is. Is it mostly white with just a touch of black? (not okay) Or is it a black print on a white background? (might be okay)

Can you jokingly reply, “Well, I don’t want to dictate, so use your judgment, but if it’s mostly white, you might want to bring a backup in case I go all bridezilla on you that day!” (haha) Maybe she’ll get the point.

Post # 11
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d ask her to see a picture of it and go from there. There’s no sense in getting upset if you don’t know how much white it is. Chances are she’s being overly sensitive about it because she doesn’t want to upset you. If it’s a black and white pattern I wouldn’t worry about it.

Post # 12
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Amaryllis: I agree, I don’t think it’s something to make a big deal about. It’s nice of your friend to make an effort to be considerate, but like others have said, people won’t mistake her for the bride. I think in all-white or mostly white dress is in poor taste, but some white in a print isn’t a problem. 

On the other hand, I know a friend of mine is STILL holding a grudge against a relative who was recently engaged at her wedding and wore a white-ish dress…so maybe it depends on how sensitive you are to these kinds of things.

Post # 13
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My future mother in law told my mom she was looking at an ivory dress for our wedding, I kid you not. I was so effing pissed… ughhh too many issues. In-laws are horrible. But let’s just say if she had worn it, I would have been furious. Black and white doesn’t seem as bad though… I guess it depends on the style

Post # 14
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Id honestly depends on the dress. If it doesn’t look too “bridal” I would be okay with it. If her wearing white at all bothers you, just let her know. Maybe offer to go with her to pick something out together and consider it bonding time.

Post # 15
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

Here’s another thought: if she hasn’t been to a lot of weddings, is young, doesn’t know etiquette, and would not want to offend future brides, you should tell her as a Public Service Announcement: “Well, it doesn’t bother me (if it doesn’t), but it’s kind of a no-no…”

Post # 16
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It wouldn’t bother me, in fact my mom is planning on wearing a black and white dress. So perhaps she just doesn’t know whether it would bother you or not. She’s being really upfront with you and asking, so just be honest and say you’d rather her not. I think that’s fair.

As long as nobody else is wearing a wedding dress, I’m good, lol

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