Post # 1
This is my first ever post! Mr. Bear and I have been together for 2.5 years, and are planning to get engaged very soon. The ring has been purchased, but he’s got all the rest of the details on top-secret lock-down, although he assures me it is coming very soon.
Background: a secretary at my office got engaged right before the holidays. We were all very happy for her, and celebrated the happy event at our office christmas party. They seemed really excited, and I spoke to her several times about wedding planning, flowers, dresses, venues, the works!
But then, a week ago, she comes in without her ring, and replaces the picture of her fiance on her desk with a picture of her childhood dog. She hasn’t spoken to anyone about what happened, but it can’t be good. / end BG.
I am worried that coming into the office excited about my engagement and showing off my ring will upset her. She has a tendency towards the dramatic (running to the bathroom for an hour, straight up not talking to people if she is mad at them, complaining loudly about all her (non-existent) health problems, etc.). I don’t want to cause trouble, but at the same time I am very excited about what is to come, as I know my other co-workers are too.
So – should I try to downplay it when the time comes to try to avoid drama? Should I wear my ring to the office? Or am I worrying for nothing?
Thank you all so much, and I’m very excited to be a part of this community!
Post # 3
I would say wear your ring and be happy! You deserve that moment where you show your colleagues/friends and get to tell the story!
It’s sweet of you to be concerned about one of your colleagues, especially since you don’t know the full story and clearly do not want to pry, but her reaction to your life event is not your issue. I am absolutely not saying to rub it in, or force her to take part if it makes her feel bad, but you should not have to stifle your genuine happiness.
Post # 4
if she chooses to get emotional/dramatic about it. thats her deal, you should absolutely NOT have to downplay your engagement and ring. you deserve to be happy and celebrate! 🙂
Post # 5
@babybear: I don’t think you need to “show off” your ring as that sounds obnoxious. I didn’t even tell anyone at work but answered their questions if they noticed.
I’m sure she is aware others get engaged, so when she hears about it she will handle it professionally I’m sure. Lots of folks are TTC and see pregnant women during the day.
Life goes on even when you’re struggling.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Don’t you dare downplay your happy moment because of someone else!! You wear that ring and you wear it PROUD!
Post # 7
@babybear: Show off your ring all you want! Getting engaged is super exciting and people want to know and be happy for you 🙂 I love looking at engagement rings and hearing engagement stories and so do a lot of people! Enjoy your moment and let those around you share in your excitement!
Your co-worker may get upset but it’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong, and you never know she might suprise you! She could be very happy for you!
Post # 8
Don’t go shoving it in her face, but you shouldn’t hide your joy either.
Post # 9
Her issues are NOT your issues!! You have every right to be excited, happy and proud to show off your ring. Don’t downplay it because your co-worker doesn’t know how to handle herself in a professional manner. One of my co-workers got engaged and a few other girls got engaged right around the same time. Not long after she came to work without the ring. She was very quiet about it and actually awhile later they reconciled and are now planning their wedding. But when other girls got engaged after her relationship failed, she never showed her sadness and was always genuinely happy for the other girls. Your co-workers emotional/attitude problems are not your problems.
Post # 10
@babybear:I think you need to celebrate YOUR exciting time! No need to rub her nose in it, but if she hasn’t come forward to discuss things, there’s really no way of officially knowing anything. Maybe she ended her engagement, or maybe she’s just in a fight with Fiance and is being as dramatic as you mentioned she is. You should definitely NOT compare your situations. Just be excited for yourself!! I also had an idea my proposal was coming before it happened, but even when it did, there was no containing my joy and excitement!! Please do the same thing- it’s so much fun! 🙂
Post # 11
I would say just go in and try not to rub it in, if she is in the room don’t be loud and jumpy but instead try to contain your excitement a little bit for her sake. There are ways to show off your ring without being obnoxious about it – as I’ve seen some girls do. If you notice that she does get upset or runs into the bathroom you can always just talk to her in private and ask her if everything is okay. But if she doesn’t want anyone to know about any problems she may just put on a fake show for you as well.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2019 - Canada
I wouldnt run up to her and stick your hand in her face while you jump up and down lol but I wouldnt hide it just because she’s having a hard time. Celebrate and be happy, and just be sensitive to her situation (you already are, so thats very kind of you) I’d just gauge her reaction, she may just avoid you/the celebrations if its too much for her.
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Sounds like she got excited when she got engaged…I don’t see why you shouldn’t convey happiness. BUT – I wouldn’t be obnoxious about it either.
Post # 14
@babybear: When I got engaged, I didn’t make a big deal of it at all. I simply wore the ring and people asked questions and got excited as it came up. I think it is more professional to announce it one on one to people who ask or you are close with and let them set the tone for celebrations. They will want to celebrate and you should be happy to do so!
Post # 15
@babybear: Of course you should wear your ring and be happy! I mean, don’t be the obnoxious newly engaged woman who runs into the office showing off her ring to everyone in sight, but definitely don’t hide your ring or finger.