Post # 1
This is my first ever post! Mr. Bear and I have been together for 2.5 years, and are planning to get engaged very soon. The ring has been purchased, but he’s got all the rest of the details on top-secret lock-down, although he assures me it is coming very soon.
Background: a secretary at my office got engaged right before the holidays. We were all very happy for her, and celebrated the happy event at our office christmas party. They seemed really excited, and I spoke to her several times about wedding planning, flowers, dresses, venues, the works!
But then, a week ago, she comes in without her ring, and replaces the picture of her fiance on her desk with a picture of her childhood dog. She hasn’t spoken to anyone about what happened, but it can’t be good. / end BG.
I am worried that coming into the office excited about my engagement and showing off my ring will upset her. She has a tendency towards the dramatic (running to the bathroom for an hour, straight up not talking to people if she is mad at them, complaining loudly about all her (non-existent) health problems, etc.). I don’t want to cause trouble, but at the same time I am very excited about what is to come, as I know my other co-workers are too.
So – should I try to downplay it when the time comes to try to avoid drama? Should I wear my ring to the office? Or am I worrying for nothing?
Thank you all so much, and I’m very excited to be a part of this community!
Post # 3
I think you’re worrying about nothing. I certainly wouldn’t leave my ring at home if I had just gotten engaged! It’s sweet of you to consider her feelings but I don’t think you need to just ignore/downplay your engagement because hers didn’t work out.
Post # 4
@babybear: This will be your time to be happy, so don’t worry about her 🙂 Maybe don’t talk non stop about it for a week straight, but don’t downplay it just because something went wrong with hers. Live it up sweetie! AND – early congrats
Post # 5
I would wear my ring and not worry about it. Of course, I wouldn’t run up to her showing off the ring saying “I’m getting married and you’re not!!”, but I wouldn’t do that to anyone anyway,
Post # 6
First of all I would not go into work showing off my ring amd making a big deal about something in my personal life. I go to work to work. Instead when I became engaged people learned one of two ways: they saw the ring on my finger and asked if I was engaged or someone told them through the grapevine. Don’t worry about your coworker. Stuff happens. Life goes on. Just worry about living yours
Post # 7
@babybear: You’re totally over thinking this. Wait until you’re actually engaged and then wear your ring to work. NBD.
Post # 8
It sounds like your co-worker might have gone through a heartbreaking breakup so regardless of her personality, you should be kind and sensitive to her.
Wear your ring but tell people either quietly or away from her. Don’t talk to her or around her about your wedding plans. Discourage others from discussing it around her as much as you can. Just treat her like you would want to be treated if it were you.
On the other hand, if she gets wind of your engagement, sees the ring and reacts badly, that’s not your fault and while remaining sympathetic, you need not feel guilty. You didn’t get engaged to spite her.
Post # 9
Wear your ring to work and discuss it with others if you want to, but be tactful in front of her.
Post # 10
I think it really depends when you get your ring. If it’s still a couple weeks off, I wouldn’t worry about it.. if it was tomorrow, I would be a little more careful when she was around.
Obviously, she hasn’t discussed it with you girls for awhile, and probably doesn’t want to. She might even be thankful that someone is taking the attention off her for awhile so she doesn’t have to worry about someone asking.
Post # 11
Thank you all very much for the advice! I think I just needed a little reassurance.
@happyheidi1984 – thank you, you are so sweet. Its been a pretty open “we’re getting engaged” procces with the SO, I’m not crazy about surprises and he’s good at respecting that. 🙂
@CurlyCue – totally agree about the going to work to work, but one of my best friends is an office mate, and I’m certain she will make a bigger deal out of it than I would.
@Ballet513 – you are so right. I’m sure there will be lots of other thing to over-think when it comes wedding planning time.
@Zhabeego – Thanks! Making other people troubles my own is definitely a fault of mine.
Post # 12
Definitely wear your ring, but you don’t need to come in the office screaming that you got engaged and to look at the ring. Just answer people’s questions if they ask.
Post # 13
Wear your ring and don’t stress too much about. Also, don’t treat her differently than anyone else. Don’t tell a bunch of people and not her…that’d be more hurtful. But I would limit wedding talk at work in general (I recommend this to anyone) – it avoids hurt feelings if people aren’t invited or are sensitive. Answer if people ask but keep it to a minimum.
If you are friendly with her, maybe ask to lunch or HH something with others she is friendly with and just be a friend – she may need one now (or even just a distraction).