(Closed) Website verses paper RSVP

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

The real “old fashioned way” is to not include a RSVP card.  People would write their own notes to respond to invitations.  Real old fashioned etiquette says RSVP cards are insulting, if you want to get really technical.  But people always have the option of writing a note on their own paper, regardless of the options you lay out for them.

I’m thinking of doing both website and phone RSVPs instead of paper.  The phone takes care of those few guests that would prefer not to do it online.  I think there’s an important distinction between less tech-savvy people being able to do it online vs. being convenient for them to do so.  There are few people without a computer or without the skills to do it, but there are also many people who might go days or weeks without even turning their computer on (including some of my SOs family, even as young as his mother).  I was shocked to find out that one of my relatives didn’t own a computer or have an email address when she asked me for a recipe.  And she’s at most in her 70s.  

I don’t see the point in including paper reply cards without the postage.  I personally think it should be either all paper, with postage, or no paper at all.  And I don’t think there’s anything wrong or improper about the no paper at all route, as long as you include a phone option.

Post # 17
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI

We did online and call RSVP info in our invites. Our group didnt use it, but we had sent out Save-The-Date Cards a year in advance and a small guest list. I think they wouldn’t have responded with paper and a stamp because they called often with trip details. 

Post # 18
Member
16 posts
Newbee

We did not do paper at all.  But we did different options.  We listed three ways to RSVP on a response card.  They were (in order): 

Website: brideandgroom.appycouple.com (Code 123456)

Email: [email protected]

Phone: 555-555-5555 (Mother of the bride). 

 

No negative comments so far.  Older guests (including relatives of my fiance) have picked up the phone and called my mom (Which they have loved, my mom said they have had some great conversations!).  Most have used website.  Some have used email (we reply to each email so guests feel reassured that we received their message.)

DO IT THIS WAY!  By having a phone option you have a way for people to RSVP without computer.  

Post # 18
Member
8971 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

 

MsGinkgo:  Hmmm, not everybody over the age of 60 is confused by computers you know!  It’s ageist to assume so .

Post # 20
Member
11519 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

elderbee:  no, I’m aware of that. 2 of my grandparents who will both be 80 have computers and use them regularly, but I also know that online rsvps would be foreign to them.

My mom will be 60 next year and she is probably less computer savvy than they are.  I picked 60 as an arbitrary number that is generally where computer use and comfort falls off.  Typically you want a line to make life easier, I picked one, I’m sorry if you find it offensive.

Post # 21
Member
11519 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

GoBlueJays:  (great username)

Post # 22
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I am having a destination wedding and almost all of my guests have accessed my website to obtain event and travel information, so I don’t think it is a bother to do online only RSVPs.  Almost 50% have actually already RSVP’d online because I have had that option open since I sent the save the dates so I could get an early headcount.

My invites go out in two weeks and I am planning on doing only online RSVPs – I have maybe 4 guests total who are not online but have kids or other family members who can assist.  I may go with GoBlueJays’ idea of including a phone number as an option.  But I think online only RSVPs are perfectly fine, especially if your wedding is not super formal – like a black tie event.

Post # 23
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

We are doing paper RSVP’s & including self addresses, stamped envelopes.

Most of our friends & family have done online RSVP’s but I think that paper is traditional & reflects the type of event that we are hosting. 

 

Post # 24
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

We are doing online and phone for rsvp options, maybe email as well. We are considering selectively sending paper RSVPs to certain family members (ie my grandparents who are 93 and 88). 

But we really have to watch the weight of our invites. Postage is obscenely expensive!

Post # 25
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

We used online RSVP’s – I called the older guests to make sure they were okay or took their RSVP by phone

Yesterday was out deadline and we’re only waiting on 10/70 which is great!

 

Post # 26
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My shower had email RSVP and my husband’s grandma was the only complaint. No matter what type you do you will have to chase some people down. Just do the website- save a tree and your own headache!

Post # 27
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

GoBlueJays:  We did this as well and I’m so happy we did! For us most people used the website but we’ve had a few phone calls, emails and some who just texted that they would be coming. Everyone seems to really like it so I vote to skip RSVP cards and give people a few other options. Then just make sure you are really on top of keeping notes so no one gets forgotten.

Post # 28
Member
8971 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

 

MsGinkgo:  Nah, not offensive , just a bit careless perhaps. No biggie, its just  that I work with the  elderly and I know how being thought stupid or slow because they are aged upsets  many of them. I tend to be sensitive on their behalf.

Post # 29
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

Have you thought of postcard RSVPs? I hadn’t even thought of it and was getting frustrated about the cost of postage, just wanted to do online RSVP, etc. until I realized I can do postcards for cheaper.

I am going to send out stamped postcard RSVPs as well as include a line about online RSVPs. I know the younger crowd will be more likely to reply on time if the RSVP is online.

One of the reasons I’m even stamping the RSVPs though is because we have leftover postcard stamps from our Save the dates lol. Otherwise I was going to send an RSVP card unstamped with the online option. I was figuring that if they really didn’t want to reply online they could afford a few cents for a stamp. PLUS traditionally the person uses their own stamp (I’m talking like 1800-early 1900s traditionally)

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