Post # 16
The real “old fashioned way” is to not include a RSVP card. People would write their own notes to respond to invitations. Real old fashioned etiquette says RSVP cards are insulting, if you want to get really technical. But people always have the option of writing a note on their own paper, regardless of the options you lay out for them.
I’m thinking of doing both website and phone RSVPs instead of paper. The phone takes care of those few guests that would prefer not to do it online. I think there’s an important distinction between less tech-savvy people being able to do it online vs. being convenient for them to do so. There are few people without a computer or without the skills to do it, but there are also many people who might go days or weeks without even turning their computer on (including some of my SOs family, even as young as his mother). I was shocked to find out that one of my relatives didn’t own a computer or have an email address when she asked me for a recipe. And she’s at most in her 70s.
I don’t see the point in including paper reply cards without the postage. I personally think it should be either all paper, with postage, or no paper at all. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong or improper about the no paper at all route, as long as you include a phone option.
Post # 17
- Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI
We did online and call RSVP info in our invites. Our group didnt use it, but we had sent out Save-The-Date Cards a year in advance and a small guest list. I think they wouldn’t have responded with paper and a stamp because they called often with trip details.
Post # 18
We did not do paper at all. But we did different options. We listed three ways to RSVP on a response card. They were (in order):
Website: brideandgroom.appycouple.com (Code 123456)
Email: [email protected]
Phone: 555-555-5555 (Mother of the bride).
No negative comments so far. Older guests (including relatives of my fiance) have picked up the phone and called my mom (Which they have loved, my mom said they have had some great conversations!). Most have used website. Some have used email (we reply to each email so guests feel reassured that we received their message.)
DO IT THIS WAY! By having a phone option you have a way for people to RSVP without computer.
Post # 18
MsGinkgo: Hmmm, not everybody over the age of 60 is confused by computers you know! It’s ageist to assume so .
Post # 20
elderbee: no, I’m aware of that. 2 of my grandparents who will both be 80 have computers and use them regularly, but I also know that online rsvps would be foreign to them.
My mom will be 60 next year and she is probably less computer savvy than they are. I picked 60 as an arbitrary number that is generally where computer use and comfort falls off. Typically you want a line to make life easier, I picked one, I’m sorry if you find it offensive.
Post # 21
GoBlueJays: (great username)
Post # 22
I am having a destination wedding and almost all of my guests have accessed my website to obtain event and travel information, so I don’t think it is a bother to do online only RSVPs. Almost 50% have actually already RSVP’d online because I have had that option open since I sent the save the dates so I could get an early headcount.
My invites go out in two weeks and I am planning on doing only online RSVPs – I have maybe 4 guests total who are not online but have kids or other family members who can assist. I may go with GoBlueJays’ idea of including a phone number as an option. But I think online only RSVPs are perfectly fine, especially if your wedding is not super formal – like a black tie event.
Post # 23
We are doing paper RSVP’s & including self addresses, stamped envelopes.
Most of our friends & family have done online RSVP’s but I think that paper is traditional & reflects the type of event that we are hosting.
Post # 24
We are doing online and phone for rsvp options, maybe email as well. We are considering selectively sending paper RSVPs to certain family members (ie my grandparents who are 93 and 88).
But we really have to watch the weight of our invites. Postage is obscenely expensive!
Post # 25
We used online RSVP’s – I called the older guests to make sure they were okay or took their RSVP by phone
Yesterday was out deadline and we’re only waiting on 10/70 which is great!
Post # 26
My shower had email RSVP and my husband’s grandma was the only complaint. No matter what type you do you will have to chase some people down. Just do the website- save a tree and your own headache!
Post # 27
GoBlueJays: We did this as well and I’m so happy we did! For us most people used the website but we’ve had a few phone calls, emails and some who just texted that they would be coming. Everyone seems to really like it so I vote to skip RSVP cards and give people a few other options. Then just make sure you are really on top of keeping notes so no one gets forgotten.
Post # 28
MsGinkgo: Nah, not offensive , just a bit careless perhaps. No biggie, its just that I work with the elderly and I know how being thought stupid or slow because they are aged upsets many of them. I tend to be sensitive on their behalf.
Post # 29
Have you thought of postcard RSVPs? I hadn’t even thought of it and was getting frustrated about the cost of postage, just wanted to do online RSVP, etc. until I realized I can do postcards for cheaper.
I am going to send out stamped postcard RSVPs as well as include a line about online RSVPs. I know the younger crowd will be more likely to reply on time if the RSVP is online.
One of the reasons I’m even stamping the RSVPs though is because we have leftover postcard stamps from our Save the dates lol. Otherwise I was going to send an RSVP card unstamped with the online option. I was figuring that if they really didn’t want to reply online they could afford a few cents for a stamp. PLUS traditionally the person uses their own stamp (I’m talking like 1800-early 1900s traditionally)
Post # 30
Thanks so much for all the help everyone! Sorry I never got back to you, I’ve been on vacation for a week and didn’t have anything with internet connection. My guest list is about 180 people right now, but I have conceded with my mom and we will do it with RSVP cards and pre-stamped mail. It was an arguement, but she said she’ll pay for it. The goal was to try to save a little bit of money, but if she’ll pay for it, the argument is pointless. I’ll just have an optional RSVP online for everyone.