Post # 1
A little background information first….. I had asked my boyfriend I had been dating for a year and a half to wait on proposing to me to be considerated of my brother and his girlfriend. They had been dating for 6 years and I did want to hurt her feeling because she had been wanting my brother to propose for quite some time. I was also told by my mother that she thought my brothers girlfriend/ future sister-in-law would be upset if I were to get engaged before her. So, I was polite. I knew my boyfriend/now fiance had a ring already. I asked him to wait. My brother proposed to his girlfriend. She said yes. I wanted to give them the lime-light and let them have some time of their own…. so again I asked my (now) fiance to wait a month or 2 after their proposal to propose to me. I really did not want to step on any toes. So he did. NOW WE”RE ENGAGED.
Since they were engaged first… naturally they selected a date first. October 26th, 2018. October has always been my favorite wedding month… and of course, once again trying to be polite and let them go first I thought my dreams of an outdoor wedding were shattered. November and December were left. I found a venue that I liked but my fiance wasn’t too fond of. It just wasn’t “us.” We are outdoor people. Even though it wasn’t my first choice, I was ready to rock a December,indoor, Christmas themed wedding. Until…. my mom wanted to go look at more venues. One in particular. It was outdoor ceremony/ indoor reception. A very laid back, games on the lawn, outdoors- type wedding venue. BOTH my fiance and I fell in love with the place. But of course if it’s going to be outdoors it has to be before my brothers. Again, October is our favorite month- with the leaves changing and my color scheme — well, it would be a dream. The first weekend in October was taken, but October 13th was open. That would put our weddings 2 weeks apart.
Both of our venues are within 45 minutes of each other and all of our family lives in the area so traveling guests should not be an issue. Money is also not an issue. Both mine and my brothers venues are very affordable and we are helping finance our weddings. My fiance says he would prefer not to do it in September. He hates any kind of heat and wants to be comfortable outside. He’s also saying you only get one wedding day in your life (maybe lol), you should make it what you want.
I feel like 2 weeks should be fine. No one is going on a honeymoon after the wedding either. My mother even originally said that it would be fine too. So I had my mind set on this.. (nothing booked yet). Now, all of a sudden I’m being told my brother that I cannot have that date.. and my mother has told be that I am being selfish and not considering family…. but she was the one that told me to look at this venue in the first place (knowing it would have to be an outdoor wedding).
I had a long cry session. Have I not been trying to be considerate this entire engagement and planning time??? If I had not been considerate of the engagement process in the first place I would have been engaged and had a date picked already! Do I not get to care about what I want??? I’m so confused. Am I only seeing one side. Honestly, I feel like I have thought about this but I need other opinions. We are both very laid back couples. Nothing extravagant in the planning processes. No one has been planning their wedding for over a year. A few months at the most. So I really did not see the problem having them 2 weeks apart….
Give me your opinions on the situation please!
Thanks in advance.
Post # 2
You get one day. They get one day. As long as there aren’t overlapping guests who would have to choose because of travel then I don’t see the problem.
I think your brother is being selfish. They waited 6 years to get engaged! They can’t expect anyone else to put thier lives/plans on hold for them (this coming from someone who waited 7 years to get engaged and whose brother got married 4 months after her). If they want the weddings to be further apart then they can change thier date because they are the ones who want to prioritize that. They don’t get to demand you change your date/venue because they don’t like how close the dates are when you are perfectly fine with it.
Post # 3
You have been far too considerate of them In My Humble Opinion. They get one day and you get one day. One wedding does diminish the significance of the other. I think you should schedule your wedding for when you want, stand your ground and be strong! You have had to alter too many of your plans just leading up to being engaged just for them.
Post # 4
Get married when you want to, how you want to. Where I’m from September isn’t generally sweltering hot, and even if you pick October there is no guarantee you’ll have good enough weather to be outside anyways. If you REALLY wanted to, you could pick a date in September to space them out a little more.
We eloped a little while ago and found out my husband’s step-sister was upset because they are getting married this fall.. our elopement literally did not affect them/steal guests/steal their thunder etc so I just tried not to worry about it. We are hosting a very casual elopement party later this month so a few months before her wedding but both our celebrations have a total of 4 overlapping guests (two step siblings and two parents) so we really did not think it was worth changing our celebration to appease other people.
It’s sad when families can’t be happy for two different people at once, jeeze spread the love around people!
Post # 5
You have been too considerate already. It is their problem if they wanted to wait 6 years to get engaged. They don’t get to dictate when everybody else moves forward in their relationship.
My FH’s best friend has been with his Fiance longer than we’ve been together and got engaged first but we are getting married 3 weeks earlier and we’ve had no problems because getting married is not a competition for us.
If they think it is a competition then he should have proposed earlier.
Best of luck!
Post # 6
They get ONE day. They do not own the entire month of October.
I would not change your date or venue. Your brother is being ridiculous.
Post # 7
If your overlapping guests don’t have to travel, the date is irrelevant. The only possible objection to two weddings close together in the same family, is the extra expense and possibly difficulty getting time off work for your shared guests.
Post # 8
If you don’t have any family on your side who need to fly/drive in and book a hotel, or take time off for both your weddings, this should be totally fine.
If you do need family to stay overnight in a hotel, then I think it gets tricky for guests to have that expense happen twice within a couple weeks – they might not be able to afford it and you should expect some declined RSVP’s.
If your brother is objecting not because he thinks his guest attendance will be affected, but because his limelight will be stolen – then he can suck it up! Sit down with him 1-on-1 and have a conversation and see if you can clear the air.
Post # 9
I’m getting married the same week as a family member (Sat and following Thurs). Everyone is happy because they can make one trip out of it and get two weddings! And it’s a holiday week so they mostly don’t need to take time off.
As everyone else has said, he gets one day. You’ve got reasons for your date, you’re not doing it to spite him, go for it.
Post # 10
yes, they only get one day. But they set their fate, you knew what it was, and now you want to book 2 weeks before them. Feels a bit like a dick move if you ask me. But I’m in the minority.
Post # 11
If your family is traveling this is going to make it difficult on guests.