Post # 1
Yesterday I posted about how DH’s cousin is getting married 4 days after my due date and his family is demanding that we be there. I talked to DH last night, he got home from work around 10:30 and I was still visabily upset because the day before he said he was going to go. He asked what was wrong and I told him that I was upset that he decided to go to the wedding. I explained that the reason I’m upset is because he’s putting the wedding before one of two things, either his pregnant and over due wife or his brand new daughter. I said that the baby and I should be his #1 priority and it feels like he’s putting his cousin’s wedding and his family’s wishes before us. He actually got mad at me and said that it’s not his cousin who is demanding. I said that I knew that and that its his mom and the rest of the family and he goes, ‘oh, so I should take it out on N for the rest of the family being difficult?” I said no, he should think about his wife and daughter before his cousin.
Then he asked about the wedding that he’s in on Nov 16 and asked if he’s not allowed to be in his friend’s wedding. I told him I never said anything about that wedding because they aren’t demanding that we be there. DH has also already talked to the groom saying depending on what is going on with me, he may not be there. I said if he can be “on stand by” for that wedding, he can at least do the same for his cousin’s wedding and not “I’m going no matter what.”
He was still mad at me and we decided to go to bed. I admit I pulled a modified silent treatment, and while we were laying there he held my hand and said that he loves me and baby Riley and that we are the most important thing in his life. He never said anything else about going or not. I think I’m going to wait a few days and ask him again.
Post # 3
@Fall_In_Love22: He’s ridiculous! He shouldn’t even consider leaving his 4 day-old baby and exhausted wife at home. You should be his first priority.
How far away is it? If he wants to support them, he could go to the ceremony only if it’s not too far away and then come home to you. But staying out all night with the reception is not fair to you.
Post # 4
@juliana192: Sorry, I should have posted a link to my first post.
The wedding is on Nov 12 and the reception is Nov 22. From our house, the wedding is about 45 minutes away, from the hospital, about an hour. And, I just realized, the wedding is at a winery in the middle of nowhere and cell phone reception is a bit hit and miss.
Post # 5
@Fall_In_Love22: I’m going to be in the miniority, but I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. I’ve had two children, and I know how stressful and scary and overwhelming everything can seem.
Personally, I’d suggest that you take a wait and see attitude. There’s no way your husband is going to leave your side in active labor, or right away, and although your due date is 11/8, you could pop at the end of October, and have a baby that’s a few weeks old by the time this all happens. Just let it lie, see what happens. When it’s November, revisit the topic, but try to let it go until then.
At the time we had our first, my (now ex) husband swore he’d take a day off and then go back to work. He ended up being so enthralled with our son that he took a week off. Your husband doesn’t likely realize how it will affect him, so just relax, breathe and wait it out.
Good luck to you.
Post # 6
This is your first kid, right?
Let him think he’ll be making either of those weddings… But once the reality of a newborn infant hits him, it’ll be pretty clear he won’t be leaving you!
Post # 7
@Fall_In_Love22: If there is limited reception absolutely not. And perhaps he is going to feel differently when the wedding gets closer and when you get closer to having the baby. Honestly, I still think he is doing this to please his family and not truly so he doesn’t punish his cousin. Deep down, a lot of men are people pleasers, and since your husband sounds like mine, I am going to say his reasoning is his family.
I would wait more than a few days to let him think on it. I know November is nearby, but perhaps rehashing the situation again next month would be better. Perhpas it is hard for him to see the big picture since the wedding is still a ways away as is the birth of your child. It is easy for both of you to get bent out of shape about this right now, but once the baby comes, this will be a non-issue. He won’t be leaving. I am about 99% sure.
I don’t think he is putting his family before you guys, and I know how it can feel that way, but he is in a pretty awful situation since your in-laws are ridiculous creatures, but being torn between your family is tough. It took my husband a LONG time before he finally started putting me first. It still isn’t easy for him sometimes, but he takes time to think about it rationally and often makes a wise choice.
Post # 8
@Fall_In_Love22: Obviously, if you’re in the hospital giving birth, he won’t be at the wedding. But I’d wait and see and have the fight when you need to – I mean you could give birth a week or two early and your husband would be able to put in an appearance at the wedding. You’ve made your feelings known, I would just ride it out and let him make the call.
Post # 9
@Fall_In_Love22: Can anyone help you at home after tbe birth?
My feeling is, if you can have someone help you, then he can attend a wedding if it’s more than a couple of days after the birth. My DH returned to work a week after my first was born – but his sister (who also had a young child) stayed at our house and helped me.
I agree he shouldn’t attend before the birth unless it’s close by and good phone reception.
Post # 10
@Fall_In_Love22: I also agree that you MAY be making this a bigger deal than it is. Your DH’s family cannot physically force him to go to a wedding. So no big deal there. Why doesn’t he go to the wedding, stay for part of the cocktail hour and come home? I would assume any man knowing that he has an oevrly pregnant wife at home would figure out some way to call and check in with you from time to time. As for the otehr wedding, cross that bridge when you get there. There is no need to fight and cause dissention in your marraige unnecessarily.
Post # 11
I would react the exact same way you are. It is ridiculous that his family is trying to bully and guilt him into committing to attend, and more ridiculous he isn’t standing up for you/him/baby and leave it as “well see how it goes.” I doubt he’ll be leaving if you have a few day old baby, but it’s still really annoying that he feels he needs to please them by agreeing now at your emotional expense.
Post # 12
@aithinne: No i totally agree with you. You dont know until you get closer to the date. If you are in active labour or the baby is a day old, its very unlikely he will go to the ceremony. So just let it go and trust your husband will put you first.
Post # 13
@MadTownGirl: +1. Wife and baby come first. Period.
Post # 14
I would just play both by hear. I do think it isn’t really fair to make him single one wedding out over the other, which it sounds like you kind of did. You never know how the both of you might be feeling, you might have a baby or might not, maybe you would even enjoy a distraction if you haven’t had baby yet.