(Closed) "Wedding" after four years?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Tropicalbride: Maybe in your eyes a renewal would have been enough but maybe for them, they feel like they missed out on having the whole “wedding”. I know I certainly would if we just went down to the court house…which is why I never would have done it in that fashion anyways. I do agree with you that its taking it extreme to have a bridal shower and bachelor and bachelorette festivities….those are for engaged couples prior to marriage.

Post # 4
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think for me it would depend on the reasoning for the courthouse ceremony. I know somebody that I would be happy to recieve an invitation from if they chose to have a big wedding after the fact. Her mom passed away from brain cancer a few years ago and they had to cancel their wedding so that they could have a simple ceremony in the hospital with the mom before she passed. They have a daughter now and I know she still longs for the wedding day they never got to have. In her case I would RSVP yes. 

If it were somebody that just decided that they wanted to get married at the courthouse and later regretted not having the big wedding due to that choice alone I probably would feel a little irked. The death of my friend’s mother was an unavoidable event. What somebody choses to do for their day when nothing terrible is forcing a change of plans is different. 

Since you are not sure of your friend’s situation I’m guessing their reasoning isn’t widespread. I think it would have been better for them to word it as a renewal on the invitations. I don’t see anything wrong with inviting the amount of people they have and having a wedding type day. The wording on the invite was probably just a bit unfortunate.

Post # 5
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’ll admit I don’t “get” this whole thing. I understand/get/like vow renewals, but I don’t get the idea of “we didn’t get our big show and our parties, so we want a re-do.” No matter how much they want it, they are still already married. So yes, I think it’s pretty weird and even a bit gift-grabby. And no I probably wouldn’t go.

Post # 6
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I can understand wanting to have the big party they missed out on but I think it’s so inappropriate to have registries and showers when you’re already married with kids.

Post # 8
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think the registry and showers are a bit much, but I can understand wanting to go back and do-over the ceremony and reception into something to celebrate with family and friends.

Post # 9
3265 posts
Sugar bee

I think people can have a big celebration for any reason.  But what they are having is not a wedding.

I do think it’s appalling to have registries, and shower, and bachelor parties for people who are already married, and have 3 children together. 

I would certainly decline to attend any of these pre-wedding events.  But would probably attend the celebration.

Post # 10
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I had a friend that eloped and about 15 months later decided to have a wedding/reception. The funny thing was about 2 months after she got married, a mutual friend had a really large wedding, full of family and friends. I noticed that she looked sad the whole night. I think she wanted a day where everyone was happy for them and celebrated in their union. She also had a gift registry, girls night out etc.

I never asked her why they had the second wedding (especially since when she got back she kept saying that “she did it right” by not having a big wedding). I always thought it was because she wanted to experience a weddng day with her family and friends.



Post # 11
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think it is lovely that they are finally able to have their big day and you should not begrudge them that.

Post # 12
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@FloretteLiz: THIS.

As someone more or less forced to get married at the registry before our actual wedding, I have to say it saddens me that people have so many opinions on how other people choose to live their lives.

There are many reasons why people go down this route (family illness, army deployment, immigration, difficult laws in the country where you’re having a Destination Wedding meaning it won’t be regarded as legal). I just think that people may need to take this into account before they judge.

In our case, it will be absolutey necessary due to immigration and visa purposes. Our registry ‘ceremony’ will literally just be the two of us sitting down at a desk in front of an officiant with 2 witnesses, signing a piece of paper. No white dress, no rings, no vows.

Two months later we’ll be having our actual weddig ceremony on the other side of the world, complete with a priest, readings, blessing of the rings, guests, reception etc. This is when our families will be present.

I agree that a gift registry and bachelorette/bachelor party might be a bit over the top if you’ve technically already been married for 4 years. But other than that, if it makes them happy I say go for it!! Who are we to judge?

Post # 13
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am going to go against the grain here.  I don’t think it is weird at all to have the big reception with parties and registries.  Why should they have to miss out on all that because they couldn’t afford it at the time of marriage?  If they had never got married, but lived together and had kids, would you still find it odd if they had a big wedding with all the trimmings?

I think you should be happy for them.  A lot of women dream of their weddings from the time they are little girls.  Why judge her because hers is a few years late?

Post # 14
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

If they want to have the formal ceremony and reception that they never got to experience then more power to ’em but having a bridal shower is a bit outrageous. Tons of couples don’t have the lavish affairs that they’ve dreamed of and I’d bet that most of them wouldn’t even consider having a gift grab shower 4 years later. 

Post # 15
184 posts
Blushing bee


Just my humble southern belle opinion, so brace yourself. 

Here, this would be simply laughable.  

They’ve been legally married for 4  years and have children.

They, in my opinion, have forfeited “the right” to have a bridal shower, for starters.   

Who is throwing this bridal shower??

Are they doing it themselves??  Or their parents (just as bad!)?

It’s ridiculous, crass, tacky, gauche, and every other word I can think of.    

Their courthouse wedding regret does not require nor obligate anyone to attend such an event nor buy a gift nor entitle them to the trappings of a formal wedding years later. 

Like you said……do a simple, small vow renewal ceremony with no gifts.  



Post # 16
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Lorelei:I completely agree with you. This couple has already had their wedding. Dressing up and pretending to do it again 4 years later seems a bit childish.

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