posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

That’s a tough situation. I know the wedding day is supposed to be about the bride, but if your future sister-in-law is about to lose her child… I think you might have to let part of the day be about someone else. I think you should relieve her of Maid/Matron of Honor duties so that she can take care of herself, because she’s probably not really going to be all that interested in you that day anyway. Then you don’t have to feel like your day is ruined, and she won’t have to feel like she has to focus her energy on you when she should be focusing elsewhere.


Good luck!

Post # 4
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Anencephaly is completely devastating.  I can’t imagine what she must be going through.  I think in this case, it’s very unfortunate that the dates coincide, but really whatever you can do to make her day survivable would be really nice.

I think loss of a child is the absolute worst thing that a human being can go through.  If she needs a family member there to support her, I say let her have that.

Again this is very unfortunate for you, but I’d bend over backwards in this situation.  I’d also check in with her to see if she’s still feeling up to being in the wedding.  I would suspect that she’s going to have very difficult memories of this time, so the most you can do to alleviate her suffering would be wonderful.  It will make you a very caring and thoughtful bride 🙂

Post # 5
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Yeah, I agree… I mean, it sounds a little bit like she might be a normal attention hog, but in this situation, you’ve really really got to cut her some slack. She’s already being super-brave by continuing a pregnancy that has no real statistical hope of resulting in a living baby (although there was one anencephalic baby recently in Canada who lived for 93 days after birth, really amazing), and she and your brother both agreed to take high-priority roles in your wedding? That’s a little kooky, I’m sorry. I think for her sake and yours you should relieve them of their duties in the wedding party, and yeah, let some of her side of the family be at the wedding… would you rather not have them there and have to have some of YOUR side go off with her to the hospital when she goes into labor? I realize that you only get one wedding, but this is her baby dying we’re talking about.

Post # 6
1428 posts
Bumble bee

I just did a search to learn a little about Anencephaly and wow, how terribly sad. I agree with doctorgirl. I would be devastated if one of my loved ones was having to go through that at any time, never mind on my wedding day.
I’d definitely be doing anything I could for her. I would ask her what she wants and go along with whatever her wishes are. You can still honor her as your Maid/Matron of Honor but have someone else perform any Maid/Matron of Honor duties that you want done at your wedding.
My prayers go out to her, your brother, and you & your family.

Post # 7
1045 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2008

My advice echoes the other posters– you just need to get outside of yourself here and see the big picture.  What your Maid/Matron of Honor is going through is so very much bigger than your wedding.  I can’t think of anything more heartbreaking than that, and hopefully you can see that ‘your special day’ pales in comparison to the weight of what she’s experiencing right now.

Post # 8
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It’s really hard, but you’re going to have to let it go. I agree with other posters when they say that maybe you should relieve them of their duties, but definitely you’re going to have to let some of the light shine on them. Maybe her consumption with her own wedding is a cover up for the impending loss of her baby.


Post # 9
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

i just looked up the <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-family: tahoma; font-size: 13px”>anencephalic.  i want to cry.

please please let your Maid/Matron of Honor bring someone to the wedding.  I can’t imagine being in her shoes and for her to want to even be in your wedding is amazing.  I would be crying in my bed. 

Post # 11
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Um… wow.  Your Future Sister-In-Law is going to have to go through labor to deliver a baby that she knows will die, and you’re upset that it’s taking attention away from your wedding.  Wow.

Look, I know that the big thing in your life right now is the wedding.  And it is a huge deal.  BUT SHE IS BOTH GIVING BIRTH AND LOSING HER CHILD.  Begruding her a family member to support her in case she goes in to labor at your wedding is pretty selfish.

She needs support, not resentment.  And don’t relieve her of her duties.  All she’ll remember is that you kicked her out of your wedding because she was pregnant.

Post # 12
193 posts
Blushing bee

Oh my goodness… I just saw the Wiki page, and I wish I had never googled in the first place.  🙁

This is really unfortunate timing. I also just want to second the other posters and say that it’d probably be best to just relieve the couple of their wedding duties. At the very least, give her as much support as you can, whether that means having another family member of hers there at the wedding, or anything else you can come up with to make it easier for her. Yes, it’s your wedding, and I certainly don’t think it will have to be spoiled, but what that couple is about to go through (and already is going through) is so much bigger than anyone’s wedding.  


Post # 13
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Umm, when I first read this post I thought it was a joke –but then no one in their right mind would joke about something like that. To me, it doesn’t sound like she’s stealing your thunder or trying to get attention – she’s looking out for herself and a child that she will have nothing more then moments with. It has to be the most devastating thing for someone to go through, and if I were in her situation, I’d be doing the same thing about keeping occupied with my wedding, its something for her to look forward and be hopeful for. Give her a break and be supportive and really accommodate her as much as possible she needs it in this tough time.

Post # 14
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Wow… I googled it like a lot of the other posts and this is terrible.  I’m glad you are letting her have someone there for her.  Maybe she is "focusing" on her wedding because she is trying to fill the void she knows she is going to feel.


 One of my aunts had her daughter right after my parents reception and then another one right after my cousin’s reception.

Post # 15
65 posts
Worker bee

i’m devastated for your moh. i agree, the fact she is in your wedding at all says a lot about how much she loves you.

Post # 16
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Wow.  I am sorry if this sounds a little harsh, but YOU sound like the young, immature one – not your FSIL!

I understand that your wedding is a special day, but she is going through an incredibly difficult time in her life.  Why do you think that your wedding deserves any of her attention right now?

Please try to let go of these feelings of resentment you have.  It is not fair of you and, frankly pretty selfish.

Ask another Bridesmaid or Best Man to step in and help where your Future Sister-In-Law is unable to.  I am sure that your wedding will be great with the help of others!

The topic ‘WEDDING AND BABY DUE DATE DRAMA’ is closed to new replies.

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