Post # 1
I have a situation that I can really only talk to my hubby about, and of course, he’s not worried about it.
A good friend of mine is getting married in Feb. 2011 (so excited for her!) and she asked me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man (super excited and said yes of course!). My question is about family planning, the hubs really wants to have a baby the month before the wedding which is what we had been thinking about for a while but hadn’t decided on until recently. Now, we’re not naïve enough to think that we will definitely get pregnant right away…which puts us at a risk of being due around the time of my friend’s wedding or being super preggo in the wedding. The wedding is really close so traveling to & from is not an issue.
I definitely do not want to miss being a part of her big day, but we also don’t want to plan when we have children around other events. It’s REALLY important to us to have it be a surprise to everyone when the time comes, and we don’t want to discuss our “plan” with anyone. So I guess I’m worried about two things:
1) Would you be mad if a Bridesmaid or Best Man had to miss the wedding because she was having a baby? Or would you ask her to step down if the due date was very close to the wedding date?
2) We’re meeting next weekend to start shopping for Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, should I try to casually steer the group towards styles with maternity sizes?? I imagine that if they wanted to order so early I could ask for more time to save up some money, but I don’t want to be the difficult Bridesmaid or Best Man either.
I know some people are going to respond with, just have a heart to heart with the bride and tell her your concerns…but like I said earlier, this is a very personal subject and one that we wish to keep to ourselves because you never know how things will go when TTC!
Your thoughts are much appreciated!
Post # 3
Hmmmm…For #1, if one of my BMs came to me and said she was pregnant and due near the wedding, I would be okay with it. I would ask when she was due though, and if it was too near (like, within 4 weeks in either direction) I might ask her to step down and maybe do something else (read, usher, etc.) for 2 reasons- 1) standing on her feet through a ceremony and pictures, etc. while 8-9 months pregnant would be highly uncomfortable for her. and 2- if she had the baby right before the wedding she’d probably not make it to the wedding anyhow (exhaustion, adjusting to a new baby and first time mommyhood, etc).
For #2. I would suggest both looking for dresses which will fit a pregnant lady AND ask that you have time to save up to buy it (so you will know if you are pregnant before hand). Alternatively, discretely ask the sales clerk what their exchange policy is if you buy a dress now and end up needing a maternity size later. They Might let you exchange a normal dress for a maternity dress.
Good luck! 🙂
Post # 4
#1 – I definately wouldn’t be mad. Just as you should support her going into marriage she should support you going into parrenthood. However, maybe it would be best for both of you if you wasn’t a BM? She wouldn’t have to fear that perhaps you can’t turn up, and you wouldn’t need to feel guilty. You could help her with planning and everything either way – she’d still be your friend.
No matter how close a friend/family, I would not change any plan regarding getting pregnant.
#2 – Ask the clerck for the return policy, and wait to buy anything if they won’t exchange it later. But don’t try to steer everybody else to maternety-clothes.
Post # 5
My FSIL/BM recently announced that she’s pregnant & due 2 weeks before the wedding day. I couldn’t be happier for her! Even though I picked a style, I have a maternity option that’s similar to the dress (I didn’t like the style NOT in maternity. They all looked preggo). I would mention it to the bride if you’re comfortable with it, so she has a heads up that she should have a maternity option for you. Maybe you could wait to try a little bit so you don’t have to worry about being due that close to the wedding?
Post # 6
Well I just had 2 BMs announce last week they are prego. Both will be close to 5 months by the time the wedding rolls around. They bought dresses in their current sizes because they weren’t planning on getting pregant. Both are in the high risk levels. So I’m not going to ask them to step down or buy another dress. My wedding is in 2 months and I’m thinking we will wait to see how big they get and deal with the dress thing then. Also, if either one thinks she can’t stand during the wedding I can have them walk down the asile and have a seat in the first row. Most people at the wedding will know they are prego so I think everyone will know why they take a seat.
As for you, I would let your friend know that you are going to start trying but that you still want to be apart of the wedding party. And you might hold off on ordering the dress until it gets closer. If it were me as the bride I’d rather know now and deal with it when it happens.
Post # 7
I spoke to my husband about it some more tonight and I think I have a good idea of how I want to handle it. Telling her we are going to start trying isn’t really an option because we feel that is really personal info. I don’t know why we’re so weird about that but we want to keep it between us 🙂
I think we are just going to start trying according to our plan and just see what happens. I am going to be a good bridesmaid and do everything I can to help with the wedding, and if I get pregnant and end up being due near wedding time I will let the bride know at the same time we decide to make the info public but let her decide what she wants me to do.
I think I would be able to stand for a 30 min or less ceremony and I like the idea of sitting in the first row or having a chair or something up there if I didn’t think I’d be able to. If she doesn’t like any of those options then I would just do everything that I can to help out and just sit in the crowd with everyone else. Even if she decided she’d rather me step down as a bridesmaid, I would still want to be a part of everything and help in any way I can.
I will definitely try to hold off on the dress until I know and find out about return/exchange plolicies.
Does that sound reasonable? I think she would be really happy for me just worried that I might miss the big day…which is my main concern as well!
Thanks for the advice!
Post # 8
To me my Future Sister-In-Law is trying to get prego around the same time as our wedding. Im not sure why.. but i know shes doing it on purpose.
We were planning on getting married in May 2010 and she was planning on having a baby in May , then once we decided to change our date to 10-10-10 shes planning it around Oct too…
Anywho thats not you though…
Personally if you feel your going to want to step down at the last minute your prob better off not being one. I would hate to invest money and what not into one of my girls when she knew she was planning on being prego and stepping down at the last minute.
I would consider being a reader or something else at her wedding.
You could try dresses on just look for more flowy dresses. I would also give a heads up to the bride and let her know . Then you and her can decide if its best.
My main concern is if your thinking of steping down if you “do” get prego… then why buy a dress and go through all of that?
Post # 9
Wow, that’s really lame of your Future Sister-In-Law. I’m sorry, I’m sure that’s very annoying.
Yeah, that totally isn’t the case for us…we’ve been planning on this and the two time frames just happened to match up. I am definitely NOT thinking I will bail at the last minute. I fully want to & am planning to be a bridesmaid even if I am big and pregnant. And I don’t mind being out the money for the dress and accessories if she decided to ask me to step down.
Post # 10
Yeah i think you will be ok as long as you give heads up. Sorry if i sounded Biotchy.. Future Sister-In-Law makes me so mad haha
Post # 11
haha…that’s ok, no offense taken. It sounds like your Future Sister-In-Law wants to be the center of attention!
I will definitely let the bride know ASAP if it turns out to be around the wedding (which would still be 6 months-ish. before the wedding)….and if we don’t get pregnant right away, then it won’t end up being an issue at all! TBD I suppose…