(Closed) Wedding Band Arguments!!!

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@-MONSTER-:  I don’t own a moissyband or ring, but I think that even though you’re fine with it — it may be a bit of a pride thing for him. Maybe he doesn’t want to have to explain (although no one needs an explanation) that its moissanite and not diamond or why for that matter. Do you think that a band with real diamonds is too expensive and want to save? Or do you think that he cannot afford it at the time? Or did you really just fall in love with the moissy eternity band?


Post # 5
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@-MONSTER-:  maybe you can tell him that you guys can go check it out and see what they look like in person, and that if he still doesn’t like the idea then I would say let him get it! 

Post # 6
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

I have the very low profile ring from moissaniteco. it is beautiful and looks amazing next to my diamond solitaire. it was not a “cheap” ring — they cost around $650 now I think? if I wanted a diamond eqivalent that had high enough quality of diamonds so it is just as clear and sparkly as this ring, it would have cost well over $1200, I’m sure. 

I am not delicate with my rings. I hardly take them off. I’ve been wearing this every day for over 2 years and it looks just as good as it did when it was brand new. I think it’s excellent quality. 

also, nobody needs to know it’s moissanite, if that bothers him so much. I doubt anybody is going to look at your ring and ask if they’re diamonds. 

Post # 8
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

How about you allow him to be the man, take the lead and buy you something that is something specifically from his heart instead of dictating the kind of ring you want. The ring is an expression of HIS love. You don’t have to choreograph every moment of his life with you.

Post # 9
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@-MONSTER-:  why should he get a say in your wedding band? My fi had 0 say on my engagement ring, and will have 0 say on my wedding band. I get to wear it, it should be someting i like. I also am not dictating his ring. Its none of my business what he wants to wear. Both rings are coming out of the wedding budget.



@DJones69:  thats a little harsh.. And a little old fashioned. Not everyone wants to be that submissive. Id rather he respects my choices and me instead of dictating what he wants and being domineering.

Post # 10
9951 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First ((HUGS)) to you cause you do sound stressed out about this situation.

Second… the issue at hand.

Truth is In My Humble Opinion you should let him do what he wants… (sorry)

BUT Proposals and Wedding Rings is the ONE BIG THING that the guy gets in the process (well besides the fact that they are thrilled to marry us, and call us their wives)

Proposals / Engagements are ALL ABOUT THEM… the Wedding is ALL ABOUT US.

Guys are very different than women… they just are.  It is all about nature (not nurture)

And their egos can be very fragile in this regard.  They are also very competitve, and don’t want to look bad in front of other men (men measure themselves constantly against one another… and who is better at what.  Who has more money, the quality Girlfriend, better car, bigger house etc)

We tend to be similar in this regard when it comes to “things” as well… and how things look to other women… including our Weddings.

Trust me if that wasn’t A THING… there wouldn’t be a Wedding Industry… or Social Wedding Websites like the Bee where women congregate to find out info, compare, and ask each other “What did YOU Do – What should I Do ?”

My best advice…

Let him do what he wants.  To go against him on this one point is equivalent to him telling you how the Wedding will be 100%… his way, no input from you whatsoever.

You no doubt wouldn’t be happy with that.

Hope this helps,

PS… That isn’t to say you cannot guide him, or help him to be educated about options, including telling him what you would be “quite happy with” (such as a Mossy).  It also cannot hurt to help him understand how the Jewellery Industry works.  And that pricing can be filled with pitfalls.  The better educated he is upfront the easier it will be for him to make the “right decision” for both of you.  But ultimately it is HIS to make.

I know that you are now talking WBand vs ERing… but in some ways the “feelings” are the same for the guy.

For any other Bees reading this in a similar situation, I would also suggest

They do some research into Websites that are out there for Guys “Preparing to Propose”… he might be a lot more inclined to want to check out what other guys have to say (than women)… just like you enjoy coming here to WBee to talk Weddings.

ie = The Art of Manliness = http://www.artofmanliness.com/2009/07/01/the-ultimate-guide-to-buying-the-perfect-engagement-ring/

— — —

EDIT TO ADD – When it comes to a true Eternity Ring… with Diamonds all around you should be aware that they aren’t necessarily all that comfy (if you go with prongs say vs channel set)… and ultimately you are putting your diamonds at risk… as the ones on the underside will take a TON OF ABUSE… I have a 1/2 Eternity Channel Set Ring… and the underside of my ring is pretty scratched up (normal wear & tear).  I look back and am very happy we didn’t spend the extra money for diamonds all around.  Lol, what we “saved” on having diamonds underneath, we were able to put into Better Diamonds up top where they are actually seen & appreciated.  Just my 2 cents.




Post # 13
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@dv3849:  Submission has nothing to do with it. Do you go dictating every other type of gift you receive? Do you tell your parents to only buy you XXX for your birthday or Christmas? How about during your bridal shower? Do you hand out gift assignments?

My husband just looked at this thread and said that if you want the exact ring that you want, then you pay for it. LOL


Post # 14
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@-MONSTER-:  Yes, actually my husband DID pick out both of my rings. He asked me if I prefered yellow gold or white and what cut.

The first time I saw my ring was the day he put it on my finger and I wear it PROUDLY to this day knowing that it is something HE picked out for me.

Post # 15
9951 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ok, a bit of history here about Weddings & Rings might help.

For most of the 20th Century… 1900s… the era I am most familiar with, as I was born mid-century… so have been witness to both my Grandmother’s Rings (married 1922) and my own Mother’s Rings (married 1950), as well as Relatives in her generation (Aunts etc)… as well as my own First Marriage (1980)… I can say that either Women wore ONLY a Wedding Band… a custom that is still common in Europe… or they received a “Bridal Set” that was made up of a Matching ERing & WBand.

My Grandmother wore only a plain gold WBand… I don’t believe there ever was an ERing.

My Mother (and her sisters, cousins etc) all wore a Bridal Set be they married in the 1940s, 50s or 60s.

I got engaged at the end of the 1970s, and Bridal Sets were still the norm.  And “interlocking” rings were the big thing, such as this one shown, which looks a lot like my Original Set (but this isn’t my rings)

PHOTO – 1980s interlocking Bridal Set

The practice of getting seperate ERings & WBands is pretty new.

So your guy is probably relying on what he knows based on “tradition” either from a book, or from what he’s seen done (Relatives who have raised him / given him advice etc) or his Peers.

Nothing wrong with that.  He truly wants to do the RIGHT THING… in the situation so he isn’t embarrassed by a potential faux pas (judged by someone else)

As for Men’s WBands.

These are relatively new.  Men didn’t wear WBands generally until the mid 1900s.  The trend really took off with Weddings during the War Years (WWII) when men were going off to Europe and unsure when they’d be coming home again (leave and coming back to NA, was not a thing at all… leave from the front meant going to a safe country such as the UK)

Mens Wedding Bands were for the most part just a plain band… even today these are still the most popular style (without diamonds or gems)… altho things have now branched out into other metals beyond just Gold.

My first marriage, in 1980, and Diamonds & Gemstones were just making their appearance.  Signet Rings were quite popular for guys … probably because of the Engagement / Marriage of Princess Di, and Charles wearing his POWales Signet Ring… at any rate it was a style that a lot of Couples (or Brides) were choosing.  Often set with one centre diamond, or a grouping such as this one below, and then perhaps the Groom’s Initial

PHOTO – Man’s Diamond Signet Ring

Couples who didn’t have a Bridal Set (or maybe no ERing at all) would often go shop together and buy matching WBands.

Or 3 Ring Sets that all matched… ERing & WBand for her, and WBand for him were also very popular 1960s thru 1980s.

PHOTO – 3 Ring Bridal Set

Couples would often consult on what the man would like to wear… as not all men still wanted to wear WBands

With my First Marriage I consulted somewhat with my Ex, and he said he wanted to wear a WBand.  He didn’t really care what it was.  I picked it out, he liked it, he wore it.

For my Second Marriage… with Mr TTR who I married over Chrismas, I also consulted.  BUT he is a man from this same generation (he’s over 60) who doesn’t wear an WBand… so I bought him a “Wedding Watch” instead, and I also have a plain WBand that fits me that represents a WBand for both of us, in that we BOTH exchanged it during our Ceremony.  I slipped it on his finger… well only for a short distance… and said my vow to him.  And then he slipped it along with my Sparkly Band onto my finger for his vow to me.  In this way, it truly is a WBand that is BOTH of ours… altho I am the only one who wears it

I guess my thinking was similar to yours in this regard…

Man choose’s the Ring for the woman, therefore the Woman chooses the Ring for the Man.

Gift for you, gift for me.

But I also am aware that this is all because of MY OWN Family Traditions and my own expectations / comfort level… in so much as I had a hard time imagining getting married without the Ring Exchange… and this also goes back to my First Marriage, and how broke we were as fresh faced College / Uni Grads… my rings (our rings) weren’t much but I treasured them dearly.

(So much so, that I told my Ex, that if he ever lost his, we’d have to have another Ceremony so that a replacement ring could be blessed)

Rings can be a big deal in a Marriage… be it for the Woman or the Man.  So you have to be “sensitive” to where these beliefs may be coming from before you go all hog wild on wanting to change them.

Lol, at my age (over 50) I guess I am more aware of this concept, because I now understand WHY so many get all emotional about Weddings… especially families, Moms etc… A Wedding truly is about the LOVE between two grown people, BUT it also very much the bringing together of two families, to create a NEW Family… and a nod to the future and another branch on the Family Tree.  It is very much a touching occasion when someone gives a tip of the hat to Family Traditions & Beliefs…

Example, I myself was conflicted when Mr TTR told me he didn’t wish to wear a WBand.  As both my Father, and Ex Hubby had done so.  I was hurt in trying to rationalize my way thru a Wedding Ceremony without a Ring EXCHANGE… in the end I found a “creative way” around the issue.  And we are both thrilled.  And that is all that matters.

Sometimes you have to work a little harder to find something that works… sometimes the answer can be found by objectively looking at BOTH sides, and what ultimately matters.  It isn’t just being stuck within the box… sometimes it is a short stretch to get “outside the box”

Hope this helps (somewhat),


Post # 16
9951 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012


As I said I have 2 WBands… a sparkly and a plain.

The Sparkly one we chose together…

1- He was quite clear he wanted me to be happy with it

2- We looked at both plain & sparkly ones… he (and I truth be told) much preferred the sparkly one as it complements my ERing so well.

So although we chose it together, it was he who pushed for it… as others have said, I would have been quite happy with a twist tie !!  I just wanted to marry the guy.

I am very happy with the fact he opted to go with the Sparkly… and I have THANKED him many many times for it.

(Ties into Male Ego – Pride etc.  Women cannot thank a man enough for all he does.  It is important positive thing to do for your relationship)

As I was following my own family traditions, it was up to me to choose his WBand… or in this case a “Wedding Watch”.  So I went looking… then I took him to the store.  He loved it.  BUT he was very embarassed that I wanted to spend that kind of money on him (for the record it was the exact same amount as he was spending on my Sparkly WBand).  But he did it for me.

Lol, inturn his Male Ego got the best of him tho… and the morning of our Wedding he presented me with a watch as well.

(We Eloped, so we spent our Wedding Day together, only getting married at Sunset)

Lol, mind you, I also showed up with the Plain WBand (which I had also purchased on my own)… and the request that we use it in the Ceremony for both of us… and he thought it was a great idea.

And so it goes…

A relationship (and a marriage) is very much a living organic thing… You need to be able to roll with whatever is happening, and realize that it can change over time.  But more than anything else it has to be “fed” to stay alive.

Understanding both points of views can be complicated enough at times… but understanding what makes men and women fundamentally different can give you a leg up.

My best advice is do some reading in that regard.  You can find resources / books on-line or at a book store (self help section).  Some of the best books I’ve read relationship wise are by John Grey of “Men are from Mars ~ Women are from Venus” fame – Greg Behrendt’s of “He’s Just Not That Into You” fame – and Dr Phil of “Love Smart = Find The One you want / Fix the one you got” fame

Since I’ve read up on men, I find myself waaay more empowered as a woman… because now I truly understand more how they think.  Which means I approach things differently… and the chances for major disagreements etc goes waaay down.  Mr TTR and I honestly never fight.  So different from my first marriage, where I didn’t get why my Ex and I were so opposite on issues, and where the words JUST NO left me frustrated.  Like it sounds you are.

Now I GET IT.  And can pick out what does and truly doesn’t matter to cause a fuss about.  And when something does come up, I am in a better position to present my side… knowing what is the root of the issue he as a man is struggling with.

And in good times, I also find I am able to keep the relationship buzzing along because I GET what he needs… like those words THANK YOU on a regular basis.

Men need to feed they are contributing… are valuable.  In this modern world where women can do it all… we have to show them they ARE VALUABLE TO US the ones they love the most (and us them).  It is a very very important key to keeping the marriage alive, well, happy and healthy !!

Hope this helps,


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