(Closed) wedding band… without discussion?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
4477 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If he ordered it, it can probably be returned.  You should have some say on your wedding band.

Post # 4
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Find out if you can return the band, or trade it in for the wedding band you really want. That sounds like maybe they successfully upsold the plain wedding band to your Fiance. And he just got caught up in the moment and ordered it without thinking about consulting you. You should definitely love your wedding band.

 

Post # 5
Member
1438 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@mayflowerbride13:  My Fiance did the same thing, picked out my wedding band without me…i hated it for a long time til it came to me actually having to wear it. Now I love it. But if it bothers you tell him you want to have stacked rings, and you would love to go shopping together for another one. Or if he wants a blinged out ring tell him you want matching bands (of course yours would be a girly version of his)

Post # 6
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yes, I’ve never heard of a surprise wedding band either. It’s one thing to be upgraded to the pricier one you liked as a surprise, for example, but I’ve never heard of a straight up “SURPRISE!” wedding band.

Since it’s a plain one, I’m guessing you can swap it out for another one, especially if it is a pricier one. Otherwise, I think you can sell it as there are many who still like plain bands.

Post # 8
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My fiance ordered the band at the same time as my ring since my ring was custom made and he wanted the band to match and I love it.  BUT it’s a half eternity to match the accent stones on the engagement ring so it’s not really a fair comparison if you were looking forward to a blingy ring.  

Post # 9
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Have you thought about having three rings?

My band and ER have diamonds, and we’ll be buying an additional plain band for me. We play sports/do a fair amount of outdoor activities (honeymoon will be in New Zealand later this year), and I don’t want to risk anything happening to the bling.

Post # 10
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think the wedding bands should be picked out by the person putting it on your finger. you pick out his, he picks out yours. How is it any different when a guy picks out an e-ring/w-ring set? 

Post # 11
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mayflowerbride13:  Maybe its a touchy subject becuase he really can’t afford to get you a diamond band…also a platinume-ring beside a white gold band would look horrible, there isn’t a huge difference but there is a very visible difference that actually gets more visible as yrs go by and the coating comes off the white gold.

Post # 12
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My Fiance picked out my Engagement Ring.  We both thought he should.  It is a gift from him, to me.  We felt I shouldn’t choose it.  (I also think he generally has very nice taste in jewelry, so my input was very limited – “oh, I like the solitaires!” and “Any bigger than xx and I think it looks too big on my hand.”)

But when it came time to buy bands… you bet I picked mine and he picked his.  We went together, I tried on a bunch, and I picked what I liked best with the beautiful Engagement Ring he had selected for me.  Then we searched high & low until he found a band that he loved.  And I didn’t put a deposit down until he said “yes, I’m positive. This is it.”

That’s what made sense to us.

(His band easily cost 3x what mine did… I figured, it’s his only ring, he certainly is worth every penny I’m spending, so I’m not going to begrudge him a flashy band.)

ETA: I need to read better, I didn’t notice that it was becoming a touchy subject between you guys.  I don’t think it’s worth pushing at the moment.  A man’s pride is pretty important, and it sort of sounds like you would be wounding his pride by telling him that this ring isn’t good enough and you’d like another.

Perhaps, let him cool off.  Shop for his ring together.  Let him pick what he likes, as long as it is within your budget.  Then, the next time your band comes up you can say something like “I had so much fun with you when we were shopping for your band.  I’d like to have that kind of experience shopping for mine too.  I know that you already picked one, and I was kind of opposed to it at first.  I didn’t mean to seem ungrateful, I’m sorry I offended you. But, since we have such nice memories associated with shopping for yours, would you be opposed to looking to see what other bands are out there for me and how they look with my beautiful ring?”

That phrases the request as “I want the time and memories” not “I want more bling.” 

If he agrees, let him find out about the return policy for the plain band and set a budget for your “new” band.  If he says “no” – respect that, and maybe for an anniversary he’ll supprise you with a blinged out band!

Post # 15
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mayflowerbride13:  That’s exciting.  Sounds like letting him “cool off” a little and make the suggestion himself kept his pride in tact. πŸ˜‰ 

I hope you end up with a band that you love! (Maybe it WILL be the one he picked already!!) πŸ™‚

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