(Closed) Wedding Bee has changed!

posted 9 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 32
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I agree with others who say it is both good and bad. I appreciate honest feedback, and feeling like people are just going to say “you can do whatever you want!” isn’t honestly helpful. That being said, there are definitely some people here who like to stir up sh*t and who are unnecessarily rude. I consider it a hazard of any online forum. Honestly if I don’t recognize the poster or am not REALLY interested in a topic I tend to not read it. If I do click on something that makes me roll my eyes, I tend to just click away. I’m not here to argue. The ‘bee is still more good than bad. 

Post # 33
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve seen very few threads get nasty when the poster is looking for advice/opinions on a specific personal situation (although it happens occasionally, which is probably inevitable in a community this size).  The ones that really seem to blow up are when people start talking in generalities, i.e. “it’s always tacky to do XXX” “I would never in a million years do YYY” and “anybody who thinks ZZZ is acceptable is insane”.  I think people lose sight of the wide variety of circumstances that we’re all coming from, and how harsh those comments can be to someone with a dramatically different life from our own.  If you’re thinking of your friends and financial situations and family dynamics, then maybe it really is unthinkable to do something (not invite your mother, or have a dry wedding, or whatever else people get so irate about).  But when a bee who has an abusive parent or a recovering alcoholic fiance reads that comment, she’s going to be hurt and defensive and the situation easily blows up into unproductive nastyness.

That being said, there are some remarkably supportive and productive threads that still happen every day that are easy to forget about.  Look for the threads by bees who’ve just ended their engagements, or lost a job or had a huge fight with their families.  Lots of supportive comments with personal stories to be had there.

Post # 34
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I get the feeling that this post is in response to the drama on the other thread.  I just want to apologize to the whole WB community- I am embarrassed by my involvement in all that, and I have to say it has been something of a wake up call. 

I initially joined WB because I thought some other sites *coughtheknotcough* were just ridiculous in their attitudes.  But as someone with a much more direct, call-it-like-I-see-it personality, I felt I had to work at being extra nice when posting here.  I also noticed the change you all are talking about, and as a result I started to let my attitude slip as well.  I started to post on WB in a way that was much more natural to me, but that came across as abrupt and even mean to some others.  This whole situation has made me step back and reevaluate that.  While my friends in real life understand that it is just my way of giving them a, possibly harsh truth but always in the spirit of friendship and concern for their best interests, this same attitude has not come across that way in writing when I post here.  In writing it just sounds mean.  So I am going to make a renewed effort to be kind and to edit myself so I keep in mind the tone of the overall site.

 

Post # 35
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think that if you are on a board asking for opinions you have to take the good with the bad. I have never had anyone say anything out and out rude to my posts, but I have felt a lot of strong opinions one way or another….  I am new though so I hope I am not part of the problem Frown

Post # 36
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think this site is great! I think there is a lot of genuine support for the people who post here, which is really, really cool. There will always be a few “bad apples” or trolls, no matter where you go. Just gotta take those with a grain of salt and don’t let them get under your skin.

Honestly, if everyone is uber-nice and totally neutral all of the time, on every single issue, it gets a little Stepford. BUT, there is never a reason to call people names, threaten people, etc. You can disagree, or express your honest and differing opinion without being nasty about it. I don’t think that is “mean”.

To be honest, I am a little surprised when someone will post something that is just out-right rude/hurtful (I’m sure we all think of examples lol I don’t want to rehash some of those threads!), and people will express shock at the responses. If someone intentionally posts something rude and hurtful, I don’t think it shocking to assume that they might get called out on it – like they probably would in real life. (Which again, can be done without swearing/threatening/etc.)

Anyhow, like I said – I think there is a lot of thoughtful people here, and as a whole, everyone really seems to care about each other, and try to support each other, which is cool.

 

Post # 37
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think a lot of it has to do with where we’re all from too…..up here in New England, we’re pretty blunt and open about EVERYTHING. If you ask for my opinion then you’re going to get it. It’s not snarky, it’s real.

Post # 38
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t mind Wedding Bee at all. I think it is fun and interesting to see where people sit on the issues. In the end though this is just a forum so I don’t take anything people say here personally. Honestly, it makes me sad threads are being closed left and right.

Post # 39
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m kinda with texaslawgirl…

Personal attacks are one thing, but the boards are more interesting and, ultimately, more useful, when people aren’t so concerned about being “snarky” that they refrain from posting honest opinions.

Post # 40
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i agree with a mix of PP’s comments.

i don’t post as often on wb anymore because the theme/trend in a lot of the posts, i have nothing to add.

i also do appreciate that there’s been a lot of honest feedback.

however, i don’t appreciate the in flux of “anonymous” user names and the drama/hatred filled threads that have been creeping up way too often recently.

 

i hope it passes and that we can find a balance between snarky attitudes and fake fluff.

i miss the coziness of the community that i dont feel here anymore

 

Post # 41
Member
2857 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I agree with texaslawgirl and teaandtoast.

I’ve only been around for about six months but in the beginning, everyone was SO nice to each other that it felt false. Everyone was afraid of conflict to the point where people were censoring themselves. I’d rather get honest opinions from people who disagree than have people be dishonest for the sake of being nice, you know?

I’m not saying that everyone shouldn’t be polite and that people have the right to be rude. They don’t.

Post # 42
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Whoa, how did I miss that post?  I just have to say people get upset over 1.Money, 2. Politics, 3. Religion, 4. Sex.  Honestly, the anonymous posters don’t bother me b/c everyone has to start as a newbee and work up with the posting.  I’m not comfortable sharing pictures and everything about my life in my Bio.  I have started 2 threads.

I just have to say we need to be careful when we criticize an entire group especially since now I think people are starting to give new bees the cold shoulder.  We think that they’re not really bees and they’re trolls.

I do have to say that thread got out of line and the way that bee handled it was inappropriate.  I also think it’s kind of crazy to recreate a similar post when the first one got heated…b/c it’ll just happen again.  I’d suggest waiting a week to post it again.

 

Post # 43
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@mudratdetector I think it’s not just about what’s said, but how it’s said.  I agree that the “it’s your day – do whatever you want!” threads aren’t helpful, and things can get a little Stepford if we’re all just smiling and nodding, and as a former New Englander I hear you about the bluntness.  But there’s a big difference between saying “I really think you should consider the consequences of not providing any chairs for your 3 hour long outdoor ceremony in August on the edge of the grand canyon… Your guests will suffer, and it’s not going to work out the way you’ve planned.” and saying “Only cheap tacky b!tche$ would use carnations for centerpieces.”  Disagreeing and offering concrete reasons why and helpful alternatives is hugely productive, and people who whine when they don’t get the choir of mindless agreement are annoying.  But the blanket statements about what’s always or never right/cheap/tacky/tasteless are what really bother me and where I consider most of the problem to be.

Post # 44
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve always tried to abide by the rule- If you don’t have anything nice to say, keep your damn mouth shut! Hehe. I hope I’ve never said anything on here that offended anyone! I was recently a little hurt by things bees were saying, however I am super sensitive and I was upset in the first place. I felt like I had to defend myself so I did but most of the problem was that I didn’t really explain the background of the situation in my OP so it’s kinda my own fault. Money, politics, and religion are all touchy subjects!

Post # 45
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ ChiCat – I hear ya. I figured adding the regional-element to the discussion was worth posting.

Who knows what the other Bees think of me. I mean, it felt like I started WWIII last week when I was complaining about finding inexpensive dresses and I typed out “DB is like the wal-mart of dress shops and I cant even afford those!” It was taken WAY out of context. Took a while to calm everyone down and get them to understand where I was coming from and what I was saying–I wasn’t putting DB down in any way, shape or form. I was simply stating that they are usually the ‘go-to’ place for inexpensive dresses and I can’t even afford them.

Post # 46
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mudratdetector – ha ha, that made me smile! Perhaps I’m more middle of the road than I thought. I don’t like unnecessary rudeness and immaturity, which I feel has been the problem. But I do appreciate that people are able to express their opinions.

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