- 9 years ago
- Wedding: June 2009
Seriously? LOL. Thanks Adira for explaining it.
Seriously? LOL. Thanks Adira for explaining it.
“Judge not, lest ye be judged”.
Come on people, you can be on here for 10 years and STILL no one would know the real you unless they met you face to face. I say, don’t judge anyone ! No one is “mean” no one is “heartless” no one is a slut or a bitch just because they take things wrong on an internet thread. Grow up !
I still love Weddingbee. A couple weeks ago I was looking at a few of the posts over on the Knot and they had my jaw hanging open at how disrespectful they can be over there!
@bee-trothed – i agree with you on the judgey thing. I have used that quote on some threads in the past 😉
With being argumentative on the boards: if you can dish it out, please be able to take it. And try to reason through your argument. If you can’t at least see the other person’s perspective, how are you going to in any way change their minds or get them to see your point of view? I think that the reasoning thing goes along with maturity.. thinking before you speak. I like hearing differing opinions, and you know what? Sometimes I’ll argue through something on the other side.
Then, there are just fundamental differences in opinions and feelings. I’ll never be able to wrap my head around some of the bridezilla-y arguments, no matter how it’s sliced. This is not in reference to any particular post, just a wedding style that doesn’t vibe with mine.
I’d have to agree, I’ve noticed the tone on the boards change over the past 4-6 weeks. I think there used to be a lot of constructive criticism, helpful suggestions, genuine sharing of ideas and thoughts, but now there’s a more judgemental tone to a lot of what comes up on the boards. It makes me a bit sad. I don’t want to have to second guess if what I write will be taken “the wrong way” or have someone insult an idea I shared. I mean yes, this is the internet, it’s a public forum and people will say what they’re going to say, but I think also WB has been a place of support for so many of us and it’s a shame to see it be brought down by a few bad apples. Hopefully we can get over this hump or whatever it is that’s going on and move back into a more positive vibe.
As someone who said something somewhat inappropriate about three months ago, stopped posting, but has been lurking around without posting since: can I give the point of view from someone who took something personally and blewup one day?
Sometimes, even though we all try to be good and levelheaded, certain things get under our skin. For me, when I added in the stress of the wedding (work, kid, life) – too much judgement on a post led to a blowup. From my viewpoint, posting in a forum is equatable to being in a community and things can get personal. It’s not a lack of maturity, at least I don’t think it is for me, it’s just part of life.
In no way am I defending what was posted – just saying sometimes outside influences affect if we take something personally and the occasional compassion could be useful here (Like Bee-trothed said, for all you know it could be PMS!).
I see a lot of good in these threads, thanks to all that have made my special day so great with their ideas from WB!
I totally get what you’re saying @Sarah71710, in the sense that some things can and do get under people’s skin and it’s easy to lash out or blow up or take things so personally, or what have you. BUT, the difference between forums and being part of a community, is the ease of which we have to step back and evaluate what we say before we say it. I have, on occassion, gotten into some heated discussions here on WB, and I try very hard to reread what I’ve typed before I hit Submit so that what I say makes sense, that I’m not insulting anyone, and that my reasoning is sound and not just emotional. In real life, that’s harder to do. We can’t just say what we want, and then take it back if it’s not coming out right. On forums, you can edit what you say before you post them. Just not everyone does that.
Good for you Sarah ! I totally agree. Soooooo many outside influences can bring the Mr. Hyde aspect to even the kindest Bee. Especially if she feels threatened in any way, shape or form. No poster should be allowed to say “well, considering your earlier posts, you sound like an unsympathetic, selfish individual with materlialistic family and friends” or whatever they said. What the eff?? How does anyone know anything about anyone else on here that well to be able to state that and start a war? They don’t. Like internet dating the same guy for months and he sounds so wonderful on line but you meet him and he’s a total ass. Same theory here.
Jamaica Bride nailed a lot of points. I’ve been here for, holy crap, 2 years now? WB has grown significantly in that time period and so of course it has, and will continue to change, a lot.
I don’t know about the other veteran bees but I can’t keep up with the Wedding Related posts any more so I tend to stay in my little kiddie pool of the Nesting and Not Wedding Related boards. I’ll venture over occasionally because I really wanted that “from the other side” advice when I was planning my wedding but there are SO many I can’t keep up. Also, my priorities have changed a lot. Things that used to matter to me like invitations and pretty punch bowls no longer do and so it’s even harder give advice on those sorts of things. Nor do I want to rain on anyone’s parade. Not to mention, I didn’t listen when people told me “it really doesn’t matter, just let them come” so why should any one listen to me now that I’m the one saying it? 🙂
I’ve been lurking since ’08 but I think I joined a year ago? I honestly don’t remember. I absolutely think this site is changing. I used to be on here ALL the time but now I find myself going weeks without even looking at the boards, never mind posting or commenting. Many established members who were very helpful have left or been chased away, a lot of people leave snarky comments or start multiple threads about the same topics before searching for the answers in older posts. A lot of questions have already been answered.
I agree 100% with JamaicaBride & bakerella. If I’m looking for opinions on something – for example, “Do you think these shoes go with my dress?” Of course I want everyone to be honest. But there’s a severe lack of constructive criticism lately – “I think those would be cute for something less formal but I don’t think they go with your gown how about these (link)” would be much more helpful than “Holy crap, those look stupid, who would wear those”.
I’m all for the less saccharine, lovey-dovey WB. It’s not a bunch of us patting each other on the back anymore and that’s a good thing. Honesty should create a more helpful & productive environment. Unfortunately I think the WORDS being used & they way people choose to express themselves are changing the mood around here.
Yes, we’re mostly strangers but a few months ago this place felt like more of a community.
^ I completely agree with Dancy.
Yessssss! I agree. I didn’t read all the replies except for Dancy and I fully agree.
I have been a member for about a year now. Several months ago I requested my old account (username ‘Emshaw’) be deactivated because I noticed a change in the atmosphere and really didn’t think it would be beneficial for me to be a member of the site anymore.
Now with this new account I’m honestly a little afraid to post new threads, ask opinions because I am worried about the kind of response I might get….
i totally agree with Dancy – i was a lurker for about 6-8 months before i signed up the day after my proposal in Sept 09. and yes it has changed.
both good and bad.
i think people really need to remind themselves what the differents between CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and just saying crap to be mean and bring a rile out of someone.
we dont have to all love each other or anything BUT we need to respect each other, and act like adults without having tempertandrums all the time.
I really hope I haven’t said anything that has annoyed someone or offended them! Maybe I’m not familiar with the Weddingbee code but I do try to be mindful of how other people will view what I write.
I do agree though that after being on TheKnot.com for a while, the Wedding Bee is deffinately a breath of fresh air. The girls there are so snarky.
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