Post # 1
First of all, I’m married and I am super excited over my wedding. We had a great day and I’m so happy to have such a great husband. We spent today relaxing and I think slowly we are developing the wedding blues over the negative parts of our wedding.
We had a ton of people rsvp Yes and not show up. Originally, our parents met and decided to cover their portions of anyone beyond our budgeted guest lists. I had a bad feeling and a week before the check from my in-laws was due at the venue, I had my husband ask them if they were all set, to which they replied no, they wouldn’t have any of the money. We freaked out since invites were already sent, rebudgeted anything not under contract, and eventually had to ask my parent’s if they could cover the remaining guests. I was upset that they hadn’t said anything to us until we asked but grateful that my parents said they would pay what we couldnt. Then comes the wedding day and NONE of my in-law’s guests show up. Now my mom is upset that we had so many no shows and that all the money is out of her pocket from my in law’s extra guests. My in-law’s haven’t said anything to us about why none of these people showed up and also, they haven’t said anything to my parent’s about the money they are out. I’m setting aside money to pay them back but part of me thinks I should say something to my in-laws. Any thoughts?
Among our other no-shows was my father in law’s entire family. We had 7 family members that say they were coming to the ceremony only and 5 others rsvp yes to the reception, NONE of them showed up to the ceremony or reception. My husband is upset that his extended family didn’t show up to the wedding and he has no pictures with anyone. We had asked ahead of time if we could get a family picture with everyone after the ceremony. We called to make sure there wasn’t a family emergency and were just told that they didn’t feel like making the drive..?!? These are my favorite family members, people that are so much fun and close to my husband. My husband and his dad are so upset.
We opened our cards today. My husband got sad when he realized that he didn’t get a card from his parents. I told him that some people aren’t card people but I tried to hide that I am sad too. I didn’t expect anything from them but since they mail us cards for halloween, sweetest day, random days, I thought that he would have at least got a special “for my son on his wedding day” or a note that we can keep with our keepsakes. I know it might sound stupid to some people but it really made us both sad. His mom keeps texting me asking if we opened our cards and how much money we got and part of me wants to ask if their’s was marked in a special way so we can open family cards first but I know its rude. Also, I would never ask someone how much money they got, I think its no one’s business. I know its not worth bringing up the lack of card but I feel bad if my parents ask what my husband’s family got us and replying nothing since they did so much and my in-laws just showed up.
Is this what happens after a wedding, you have such a high then get sad over the bad parts?
I think a lot of this vent is directed towards my in laws but I’m just upset that my husband thinks they had no interest in his wedding and ultimately backed out of everything they suggested. They even said it would be easier to hand make place cards and then when it came time to make them, they were tired and didn’t want to waste ink. I’m just upset that even with the crafty portions, they wouldn’t even help or volunteer for anything while my parents sat down and did everything with us. I need to get over being upset . Any thoughts?
Post # 3
I’m sorry 🙁 That is disappointing a lot of his extended family didn’t show up. I would try to focus on the happy parts that went well in the wedding. And that you’re married!! Look forward to the pictures you did get and your honeymoon if you’re having one. Read all of the nice cards you got and open the presents 🙂
Post # 4
That totally sucks! I’d be pissed.. I can’t believe so many ppl RSVP’d yes then didnt show! I never understand why people do that.. I guess they don’t understand that they’ve been paid for.. or just don’t care. Ugh. And I’d also be upset about the lack of a card from the in-laws. :o(
I agree with the PP though. Try to focus on the happy parts while they’re still fresh in your memory. Remember the wonderful, beautiful parts of your day and countdown until you get those precious pictures! Enjoy your new husband.
Post # 5
Lord, this sounds so familiar. We aren’t quite married yet, but I have had extremely familiar snafoos with my mother-in-law for things she said she would do/wanted to do then the idea or suggestion flew away into the oblivion. The best thing I can say to you, and me, don’t get offended. I know it’s hard not to, but clearly she is oblivious. At least your parents are great, right? And like my hairdresser said the other day, just thank god you get to spend “life” (as in the day in day out stuff) with your hubbs and not your in-laws!! And trust me, I agree that it is sooo tempting to make a passive aggressive comment (I am, like you, a card person. My mom got them for fridays in our house growing up, no lie.) Just remember, once you say it, there is no going back…lol! Good luck!!
Post # 6
But yeah, that would piss me off big time about the no shows. Especially being on their side. I would be so attempted to have a convo in another room of their house about paying your rents back, and oops, they overhear it…. Don’t listen to that advice…BAD ME! But ERRR!!
Post # 7
This is just so sad. I’m so sorry. I hope this isn’t what happens after weddings…
Post # 8
Thank you for the advice! I did have an amazing day and I definitely need to focus on that. Now i’m wondering where to go from here. I can’t believe it’s all over so fast!
Post # 9
I absolutely, 100% feel for you and understand. A little different, but sort of the same scenario with us. I just want to throttle my husband’s side of the family for treating him so poorly when he’s the sweetest man you’ll ever meet. Try to move on knowing that you two are your own little family now.
As far as investigating with the in-laws? I would. But be prepared that you might not get the answer you were hoping for “You didn’t get our card?? It must have gotten lost!”.
And the extended family not wanting to make the drive? Just remember that next time they invite you to their special events.
Ugh, people can dissapoint us so much! It’s in yours and your husband’s power to move on and be happy and not bend over backwards for these people again.
Post # 10
I’ll never understand how some people are wired. Being thoughtful and kind never seems to occur to some of them, and it’s even worse when it’s family members you know and love. I want to sometimes scream ‘How DARE they’?!
I’m not sure by your post what kind of relationship your husband has with his parents, so why can’t he openly discuss with them his disappointment? Many people aren’t good with confrontation, but maybe that’s the only way to resolve this for both of you.
Post # 11
@Pupperoni: Dont let the people not showing up overshadow the fact that you are in love and you are married to a special man