Post # 1
I have been reading Weddingbee for over a year now and have not commented until now. The reason I’m commenting is because I am having a wedding breakdown and I need some input. 🙁 I don’t think that anyone from my dad’s side will be coming to the wedding. My parents divorced when I was younger and my dad remarried 15 years ago. Well, my stepmother is not coming to the wedding because she thinks it will be awkward for her to see my mom and everyone else. Then, last night I got an email from my uncle (dad’s older brother) saying that he doesn’t think he will be attending the wedding because he thinks it will be embarasing for him to bring his new girlfriend. My other uncle on my dad’s side will not becoming either. I’m really sad because aside from my dad, there will be no one there from his side of the family. I understand that people have their own issues and reasons but I feel like it would be nice if people just put that aside for one night, but maybe I’m asking for too much? It makes me feel like they just don’t care about me, to be honest. I know I’m probably over-reacting to this and maybe I’m expecting too much but it just makes me so sad. Especially because my fiance has a really big family and they will all be there, and I wish my family could celebrate with me too.
I also don’t know what to do about the bridal shower. A lot of our guests are from out of town and I don’t expect them to fly in for the shower at all. But that means that my bridal shower will be really small (pretty much just the local bridesmaids and some family) and I kind of feel like, is there a point in having a bridal shower? How many guests are there usually at bridal showers? If it’s small do you think I should just skip it? Thanks everyone for listening.
Post # 3
Ouch. I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time right now. Are you close to these uncles? Would you feel comfortable calling them to say how much it would mean to you personally to have them there?
Post # 4
Just wanted to say that I feel for you. All of my family is out of town and it’s hard not to be bothered when people don’t come.
Also, I think it’s fine to have a small shower. I didn’t want one for the longest time for the same reason you are saying. The only people around here are my FI’s family and some of my girlfriends. My Future Mother-In-Law really wanted to throw me a shower so I finally just gave in. I just have to get over the fact that none of my family will be there other than my mom who will come, and that it will probably be pretty small. So I think if you really want to have a shower, you should have it.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I’m sorry. That whole situation sucks.
Maybe it’s just because I’m cranky today but I think that your uncle and stepmother are being incredibly selfish and immature. They are adults, your mother is an adult, and your uncle’s new girlfriend is an adult (I hope, hahaha!) So if your stepmother and uncle can’t suck it up for a few hours and endure what might just be a mildly awkward situation for a few hours in order to be there for you, well, I have to say, good riddance!
I guess that doesn’t help with the hurt feelings, though. But maybe you should tell them what you told us here, about how much it hurts that they can’t put the drama aside for one day. Maybe they were just too caught up in their own crap to really see what it’s doing to you and your feelings, and maybe they need a wake up call.
Post # 6
I know what you mean about the family thing!! My sister just told me Mon. that she and her daughter won’t be attending our wedding in Aruba, not because financial reasons, but because our father. My parents divorced too 5 yrs ago. It really stinks, but I keep telling myself that there are going to be many more people there that want to celebrate with me instead.
As for the bridal shower, small is good! If you want more people just have a couples shower that way you both can invite more friends and family.
Post # 7
I am sorry you have to go through this. I think you will have a good time regardless but if this really means the world to you maybe you should try and explain to them how sad this makes you.
Post # 8
I’m sorry about that. I would definitely want all of my family to be there as well. Can you talk to your uncles or have your dad talk to them? You didn’t say much about your parents’ divorce, but it has been 15+ years. I feel like if you talked to them and said you wanted your dad to have his relatives to support him at the wedding, they might put their differences aside for one day.
As far as the shower, I would have it. It will still be nice if it’s just a few close family and friends.
Post # 9
So sorry you have to go through this! I can’t really offer any advise with your paternal family for the wedding, but for my bff’s shower last summer (I was MOH) the shower was SUPER small. She and her paretns live in PA, her mom’s fam is all in NE and the groom’s fam (including his paretns) are all in WA. Her shower ended up consisting of 4 of the 5 bridesmaids (1 was 9+ months preggo and couldn’t make the cross-country trek from TX), her mom, her g-ma, the groom’s mom, my mom (who brought my younger sister) and 2 of her law school friends; so 12 ppl total including her (and 4 of us were considered the hosts!) We all still had a really great time and got to mingle more and comment on each gift more than if there were a huge crowd. If you’re really concerned about size, consider having a Jack & Jill shower (co-ed) to flesh out the group more.
Post # 10
I’m sorry for what you are going through….Sometimes family forgets what is really important and that is a shame! I hope they all change their minds for you and let the past be the past and move on. Surely they can push their embarrassment to the side for just one day, the attention won’t be and shouldn’t be on them anyway!
For the bridal shower, I say go ahead and have one! I had one that consisted of 8 guests and it was a blast. Good Luck to you!!!
Post # 11
I know exactly how you feel! I haven’t spoken to my father in over a year, and will not be inviting him to the wedding. I would have liked my aunt and uncle (his brother and sister) to be at my wedding, but do not think they would come anyway if he wasn’t invited. Plus I felt like it would have been insulting to invite them and not my father. To top it all off, my sister is still close with all of them, and her daughter’s christening is next month. I am the godmother. So I will see them all there, and I don’t know how to handle it if anyone asks about the wedding. I have a feeling I will end up changing my mind out of guilt and inviting them all, when I really would rather he wasn’t there.
I also have the same problem with my shower. There will only be 10-15 people there. I told my maid of honor that I didn’t want a shower, that I thought it would be silly with so few people. She, and everyone else, insisted I should have one. But it will be really low-key. I am guessing that whomever is throwing your shower will want to throw it for you no matter how many people are there.
Good luck! I hope this helps!
Post # 12
AWW! 🙁 NO there is nothing wrong with how you’re feeling. I have a similar situation. I have always wanted a big close family since a lot of my friends have that, but unfortunetly we aren’t like that. My dad’s and mom’s sides are pretty small. My dad’s family is all about themselves and my mom’s family has drama amongst each other. So we’re pretty sure not many of them will be coming out to the wedding. Also my FH family (both mom and dads side) are kind of selfish and I can’t think of the right way to describe them but they are real country folks and are content with where they are and traveling to CA for a wedding(yeah apparently weddings aren’t a big deal to them) isn’t worth it. So at first it really sucked and I wished I could do something about it but I can’t and if they really want to come they will, we are stills ending out invites but we expect all no’s from them except for a few people. Not really sure why your step mom thinks it’d be awkward after 15 years?? I’ve been to like 943723 weddings and the bride and/or grooms parents were divorced and they all brought their new spouses or SO. Anyway, I know it’s hard to do but just concentrate on who WILL be going and just know how much fun you’ll have on your wedding day, besides let’s be serious the only person you reeaally want to see there will be your FH. Feel better!
Post # 13
Wow, thank you so much everyone! It’s so nice to know that I am not the only one who has experienced this, and that I’m not crazy for being really sad and emotional about this. You guys are right, I should focus on the happy stuff and the people who will be there to celebrate with me…it’s just too bad that it can’t even be my own family!
I have emailed my dad and my uncle, telling them how much it would mean for me to have them there and to have my stepmothere there. I haven’t had any responses yet but we’ll see. Thanks again, I love Weddingbee!