(Closed) wedding breakdown

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Ouch.  I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time right now.  Are you close to these uncles?  Would you feel comfortable calling them to say how much it would mean to you personally to have them there?

Post # 4
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Just wanted to say that I feel for you.  All of my family is out of town and it’s hard not to be bothered when people don’t come. 

Also, I think it’s fine to have a small shower.  I didn’t want one for the longest time for the same reason you are saying.  The only people around here are my FI’s family and some of my girlfriends.  My Future Mother-In-Law really wanted to throw me a shower so I finally just gave in.  I just have to get over the fact that none of my family will be there other than my mom who will come, and that it will probably be pretty small.  So I think if you really want to have a shower, you should have it.

Post # 5
2859 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden

I’m sorry. That whole situation sucks.

Maybe it’s just because I’m cranky today but I think that your uncle and stepmother are being incredibly selfish and immature. They are adults, your mother is an adult, and your uncle’s new girlfriend is an adult (I hope, hahaha!) So if your stepmother and uncle can’t suck it up for a few hours and endure what might just be a mildly awkward situation for a few hours in order to be there for you, well, I have to say, good riddance!

I guess that doesn’t help with the hurt feelings, though. But maybe you should tell them what you told us here, about how much it hurts that they can’t put the drama aside for one day. Maybe they were just too caught up in their own crap to really see what it’s doing to you and your feelings, and maybe they need a wake up call.

Good luck.


Post # 6
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I know what you mean about the family thing!!  My sister just told me Mon. that she and her daughter won’t be attending our wedding in Aruba, not because financial reasons, but because our father.  My parents divorced too 5 yrs ago.  It really stinks, but I keep telling myself that there are going to be many more people there that want to celebrate with me instead.

As for the bridal shower, small is good!  If you want more people just have a couples shower that way you both can invite more friends and family.

Post # 7
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I am sorry you have to go through this. I think you will have a good time regardless but if this really means the world to you maybe you should try and explain to them how sad this makes you.

Post # 8
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m sorry about that. I would definitely want all of my family to be there as well. Can you talk to your uncles or have your dad talk to them? You didn’t say much about your parents’ divorce, but it has been 15+ years. I feel like if you talked to them and said you wanted your dad to have his relatives to support him at the wedding, they might put their differences aside for one day.

As far as the shower, I would have it. It will still be nice if it’s just a few close family and friends.

Post # 9
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

So sorry you have to go through this!  I can’t really offer any advise with your paternal family for the wedding, but for my bff’s shower last summer (I was MOH) the shower was SUPER small.  She and her paretns live in PA, her mom’s fam is all in NE and the groom’s fam (including his paretns) are all in WA.  Her shower ended up consisting of 4 of the 5 bridesmaids (1 was 9+ months preggo and couldn’t make the cross-country trek from TX), her mom, her g-ma, the groom’s mom, my mom (who brought my younger sister) and 2 of her law school friends; so 12 ppl total including her (and 4 of us were considered the hosts!)  We all still had a really great time and got to mingle more and comment on each gift more than if there were a huge crowd.  If you’re really concerned about size, consider having a Jack & Jill shower (co-ed) to flesh out the group more.

GOod luck!

Post # 10
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m sorry for what you are going through….Sometimes family forgets what is really important and that is a shame!  I hope they all change their minds for you and let the past be the past and move on.  Surely they can push their embarrassment to the side for just one day, the attention won’t be and shouldn’t be on them anyway! 

For the bridal shower, I say go ahead and have one!  I had one that consisted of 8 guests and it was a blast.  Good Luck to you!!!

Post # 11
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I know exactly how you feel!  I haven’t spoken to my father in over a year, and will not be inviting him to the wedding.  I would have liked my aunt and uncle (his brother and sister) to be at my wedding, but do not think they would come anyway if he wasn’t invited.  Plus I felt like it would have been insulting to invite them and not my father.  To top it all off, my sister is still close with all of them, and her daughter’s christening is next month.  I am the godmother.  So I will see them all there, and I don’t know how to handle it if anyone asks about the wedding.  I have a feeling I will end up changing my mind out of guilt and inviting them all, when I really would rather he wasn’t there.

I also have the same problem with my shower.  There will only be 10-15 people there.  I told my maid of honor that I didn’t want a shower, that I thought it would be silly with so few people.  She, and everyone else, insisted I should have one.  But it will be really low-key.  I am guessing that whomever is throwing your shower will want to throw it for you no matter how many people are there. 

Good luck!  I hope this helps! 

Post # 12
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

AWW! ๐Ÿ™ NO there is nothing wrong with how you’re feeling. I have a similar situation. I have always wanted a big close family since a lot of my friends have that, but unfortunetly we aren’t like that. My dad’s and mom’s sides are pretty small. My dad’s family is all about themselves and my mom’s family has drama amongst each other. So we’re pretty sure not many of them will be coming out to the wedding. Also my FH family (both mom and dads side) are kind of selfish and I can’t think of the right way to describe them but they are real country folks and are content with where they are and traveling to CA for a wedding(yeah apparently weddings aren’t a big deal to them) isn’t worth it. So at first it really sucked and I wished I could do something about it but I can’t and if they really want to come they will, we are stills ending out invites but we expect all no’s from them except for a few people. Not really sure why your step mom thinks it’d be awkward after 15 years?? I’ve been to like 943723 weddings and the bride and/or grooms parents were divorced and they all brought their new spouses or SO. Anyway, I know it’s hard to do but just concentrate on who WILL be going and just know how much fun you’ll have on your wedding day, besides let’s be serious the only person you reeaally want to see there will be your FH. Feel better! Smile

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