Post # 1
Hi Ladies, I wasnt sure where to post this question so I figured it was apart of etiquette… anyhow I know here on the site wedding budget and costs are openly discussed since this site is more for info sharing but my question is do you openly discuss how much you paid for what (wedding related items- flowers, dress, etc) and / or your wedding budget with non contributing family members and friends?
I ask because I was at dinner this weekend with a few friends and the topic of my wedding came up and 1 of my friends asked me what my wedding budget was and I sort of looked at her blankly a little taken back that she would dare ask me that and then she repharsed it and asked what we were paying per plate (I guess assuming I didnt understand that question the first time) and I simply replied to her and said I didnt feel comfortable disclosing that information and I hoped she can respect and not take offense to my reply but judging by her and my 2 other friends faces I think they were offended that I didnt want to disclose my budget and the conversation sort of died out for that moment. Now for starters Im not getting married for another year and a half but I am actively looking into things so when the topic of the wedding came up A. It wasnt me who brought it up and B. when asked about the wedding I just made general statements like we are looking into this and that and we booked our venue but my venue has been booked for a few months now so that wasnt a new piece of information that would steer the conversation to my budget. Overall anytime the topic of my wedding comes up I never get into any of the specifics let alone the money we are spending. For me I personally dont understand why anyone who isnt contributing to my budget needs to know what my costs and budget are and why be offended when I dont want to tell you? Money isnt something that I openly discuss with people anyway so its not like Ive ever been that type… I dont know… was it rude of me to say I didnt want to disclose that information? Is it normal for people to ask how much are you spending on your wedding? Of all the weddings Ive been to and in, Ive never asked how much something cost… I always thought that was rude to ask someone how much they paid for something… isnt that as taboo as asking what someone’s salary is?
Post # 3
I share this type of information with my close friends… just because… well, we share everything. I think it depends on the type of relationship you have with your friends.
Casual acquantainces and relatives that I am not close with though— yeah, that would be weird.
Post # 4
Uh… no one asked me. I eloped, so maybe that’s why no one wanted to know, but I agree it’s a little bit gauche to ask.
Post # 5
I have asked very close married friends/engaged friends for advice or perspective on wedding spending, like “What do you think is a reasonable price for X?” rather than what they spent on it. I agree it’s no one’s business and you were perfectly in the right to say you didn’t really want to share that information.
Post # 6
omg people are asking me right and left what I’m spending! It’s driving me crazy! Are they then going to judge how nice my wedding was based on how much I spent?
Post # 7
@PinkMagnolia: my thoughts exactly… I dont want anyone judging my wedding in that way or any way for that matter
Post # 8
I agree that no one should have to share financial details with others. I do find that the people who ask me how much I am paying are my single friends who just want an idea of how much they can expect to pay in the future, so I will usually give them ballpark figures. My married friends know better than to ask.
Post # 9
What if I only spend $70 a person? Will they go into my wedding thinking it’s cheap (well for my area) or something like that? I just don’t want to tell anyone anything! I want everyone to go in without expectations.
Post # 10
Thank god no one has asked. I think that was very tacky what your friends did.. and fyi.. per plate is only a portion of a budget. Was she planning on helping out? OR maybe she was thinking she needed to buy a gift to cover her plate? Either way, money is pretty taboo especially if you are asking someone their finances in a group setting! I have asked friends what they paid for this and that (more like what XXX costs).. (very very close friends..like my MOH) but thats only because I was clueless and planning my own wedding. I do think there is no reason to be offended..but I would understand if she was and the convo died because now everything was really akward… but asking someone about their money situation is a akward question