(Closed) Wedding budget: who pays for the wedding?

posted 10 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2006

When I got married last year, we actually divided the spending 3 ways: My mom paid for the caterer, alcohol, my sister’s dresses and needs as BMs, her dress, and the tuxes for my stepdad and brother; my dad paid for his tux, and our reception site; we paid for the rest ourselves as a couple, minus the tuxes for our grandfathers, his brother, the best man and his dad.  It was stressful, but also nice to be able to say that he and I were contributing, so the final decision for flowers, centerpieces, invites (especially wording) was all ours. 

Post # 4
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

I think that if you can pay for it it is best – that is the current trend in my culture but back in the day the groom’s family paid for it (Vietnam, China). You should deinitely talk to your fiance about his family’s willingness or inability to help you both out.  There are so many variables and without knowing them it is hard to say what is best to do in terms of who to ask and what comfort level you are at to ask them.

Post # 5
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2008

We’re paying for ours on our own but it still seems to be the norm for parents to chip in a bit, fi not the whole thing. I think it depends on your situation, your parents situation, your relationship with them and the type of wedding you have in mind.

Our parents both had low-key weddings so they don’t care about this sort of thing, if they wanted us to do the big cathedral, white dress, 100+ guest reception I guarantee they’d be the ones paying. This way we get to do it our way without stressing about how we spend their money 😉 

Post # 6
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

It varies based on culture as well. In Chinese culture, the groom’s family should pay for all of it.

In our situation, Mr. JCM is paying half and my parents are paying half. His parents shoved him some money to pay for it but they have no idea how much it will cost. Mr. JCM refuses to let them pitch in and has put the money in a separate account to give back to them later when they stop refusing to take it.

Hashing out the budget and guest list was the hardest. Everything else after that is easy-peasy. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

I’d agree – even though there are still ‘traditions’ most are being broken with a vengence 🙂  In a good way!

For us my Mom (well parents, cept my dad has passed away) paid for everything.  His Step-Dad (his mom has passed away) gave us some money to do with what we pleased.  That went towards the honeymoon and my Mom made up the difference for the honeymoon.  We were very blessed our parents had the means and the desire to help us out!  (I know my dad was looking down from heaven SHOCKED at how low I kept the budget!!)

I guess I grew up in an environment where that’s what is expected??  So there really wasn’t a question of who’s paying – it was more ok, what’s my budget?  I was also very blessed my Mom didn’t use the budget as a means to control me and the wedding!!

A lot of people throw as age twist in this question also.   The older you get – the more you’re expected to pay for your own wedding.  But I was 28 and he was 32 – so fu fu on that 😉

I think when you announce your engagement – most parents will initiate a conversation voicing their abilities/contribution as a gift to you guys.  They may need some time to think about it and come up with the number though!  If they don’t – I guess it just kinda depends on your relationship with them???   Maybe say something like – "I know I’m the first of three, and don’t have any expectations for you to foot the bill!  This is the kinda of wedding we’re planning – we have budgeted for ‘___’ people.  Blah blah."  Sometimes when they want more people invited they will chip in for that.  Or you may just have to flat out say "Hey, we’re not expecting anything – but before we really get into planning – it’d be great to know if you guys want to chip in at all so we know what our budget will look like"

Post # 8
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

My parents are paying for pretty much everything, but it was sort of expected they would. Most of the guest list is their friends (which I don’t mind at all), so it only makes sense. I bought my dress and shoes, and FH and I split the honeymoon. FH’s parents, so far, have contributed $500 total.

These days it really just depends on your parents’ situation, your FH’s parents’ situation, and your personal situation. Just talk to them about it.

Post # 9
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

my parents are paying for pretty much everything. well, my dad is saying, this is how much i’m giving you and my mom is saying and this is how much you’ll really need, so here’s some extra. we’re doing the rings, honeymoon, travel expenses, those kind of things. and his family is doing the rehearsal dinner. it wasn’t really a question of who is paying for what, rather more of, this is how much we’re giving you.

Post # 10
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

My Fiance and I are both Chinese and we are paying for the entire wedding ourselves.  There are definitely culture differences and expectations, but it also depends on each individual as well since we live in changing times!  Congrats on your engagement!

Post # 11
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My Fiance and I are also paying for the entire wedding/honeymoon ourselves. My FI’s parents gave us some money, but we put it in a separate high-interest earning account to help save for our future home. We felt we had the ability to pay for everything, so why not!

But congratulations on your engagement! I am sure after you talk to your Fiance and your family, you will figure out an arrangement that works for you.

Best wishes!

Post # 12
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

We were always going to pay for it ourselves but when we started planning our parents so graciously offered to split it between them. So it works out basically even for his parents to pay for the ceremony and reception venues (including food/bev) and my parents to pay for most everything else. We both just graduated from grad school, so apparently the conversation between the two sets of parents went something like… "these are two great kids, but they’re dirt poor, so let’s help give them the wedding they want." We feel so blessed and grateful.

Post # 13
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My parents are paying for everything, which is very generous of them.  We are, however, paying for our rings, honeymoon, his suit (we’re having it custom made), and my alterations.  His parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner.

Post # 14
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

My family was not in the finacial position to pay for much of the wedding. And I have 4 parents! We knew from the start we’d be paying for quite a lot if not all of the wedding ourself. I think that if you’re parents are able to pay for the wedding, or parts of it – asking is certianly worth it.

My mom and step dad, who’ve the least money out of the parents are paying for the cake and paper products (I’m DIY-ing my invites and everything paper so this is really helpful)

My Dad and step mom have chosen an amount that works for them and are pitching in $5000, wich we’ve asked for them to just hang on to in a CD until a few months before the wedding, as it will go directly to the reception.

My FH’s parents have chosen certian items to pay for as well. The Rehersal Dinner, all the drink (wine/beer/champainge) at the wedding with a $2000 limit on the open bar, all the hor’dourves to be served at the cocktail hour, and she’s even offered to pay for the flowers BUT we were having a few glasses of wine that day….lol.

Plus all the paretns have picked up little things here and there – as I’m DIY-ing most of the stuff. SO it’s been a real team effort.

I like how it’s turning out and we still have a signigicant amount to pay ourself but because of their help we’re having a better wedding then we could even imagine!

 

 

Post # 15
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

My parents are divorced.  Dad’s paying for the bulk of the wedding, but other parts of my family (mom, 2nd stepmom, grandparents) are also contributing a bit.  We’re also paying for part of it ourselves. 

Post # 16
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

We’re paying the most, probably 1/2, of the wedding.  But our parents are chipping in about 1/4 each.  Essentially, after we got engaged my parents said they would give us X amount.  Then FI’s parents said they would give whatever my parents gave.  Which was very generous but we still have to cover about 1/2 ourselves. 

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