(Closed) Wedding budget: who pays for the wedding?

posted 14 years ago in Money
Post # 17
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

my parents have five kids total and my second sister just got married last October.  She paid for most of it and my parents and the groom’s parents chipped in where needed.  Since I am the oldest in a chinese family, I did not want to put any burden on my parents or FI’s parents to pay.  He feels the same way as well so we are paying for everything.  The only thing we aren’t paying for are the GM’s tuxes and the BM’s dresses which we will make up in the gifts and my parents’ evening wear.  However, we did pay for the qipaos being worn for the Tea ceremony for six girls and my mom.  Fi’s parents are close to retirement so definitely didn’t want to ask them for any money.  It’s definitely good to say that we are funding the whole thing ourselves – feels very grown-up indeed.  

Post # 18
Member
800 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

My parents are paying for everything up to a certain point. I didn’t expect them to, but they didn’t really give me the option. In return, we’re having a wedding in their city and having some of their friends there as well.

Post # 19
Member
5 posts
Newbee

we did it old-style traditional.

my parents covered for the wedding & reception

my husband’s family paid for the honeymoon & rehearsal dinner

i covered the costs of bridesmaids dress(less than 100$)

my husband covered the costs of groomsmen tux rentals (gifts) 

both sets of parents considered it gifts to us. we did a lot of things "their way" butneither my husband and i were bridezillas or groomzillas, and it all was pretty lovely. (we are both graduate-level-ish students)

Post # 20
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I have kind of a weird situation. At first, my FI’s parents were going to pay for most (probably 3/4) of the budget because they are very well off whereas my family is not. Plus this is my second wedding and FI’s first, so it just kind of made sense.

But as planning went on, FI’s parents got more and more controlling and there was always tears and hurt feelings. So basically we gave their money back, and they are planning their own reception their way to honor us about six weeks later. We cut everybody from the guest list but our close family and close friends. We went from having a guest list of 150 to 70 (mostly cutting FMIL’s guests she had to have.)

Since we were already midway through planning, my mom then asked me to send her my budget (I was handling all the finances so one set of parents didn’t get wind of what the other was contributing). I did, and she said her and dad were willing to chip in and cover what ended up being about three-fourths of my estimate. We’re more than happy to cover the rest of it.

FI’s parents are chipping in for part of the honeymoon, buying our ketubah and chipped in for the photography/videography. They are also hosting the rehearsal dinner. 

Post # 21
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

My mom is very generously covering most of the cost of the wedding.  My fiance’s parents have not offered money towards the wedding, but his dad has hinted that he will give us a generous check as our wedding gift – which we plan to hand over to my mom to help cover some of the wedding cost.  I tried to hint to his mother that the groom’s family usually hosts a rehearsal dinner, but she is hosting a dinner for her guests only, so we are having a lunch at my mom’s house the day before the wedding for all the relatives (we are having a Sunday day wedding).  My fiance and I are covering some costs, paying for rings, honeymoon, and odds and ends here and there.  I think it’s good to get an idea from both sets of parents what, if anything, they are willing to contribute, and go from there.

Post # 22
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I’m starting to consider our wedding as the collaboration of every single member of our families.  His parents are covering the base catering costs for the first 150 guests.  My dad is making the last (and by far the largest) of the payments required by our site.  My mom has paid for misc items along the way (a payment to the site, cake toppers, flower girl dresses).  Everything else is on us.

DJ, flowers, my dress, his tux, catering for over 150 people, catering tip, etc etc etc.

All in all, I would break it down 15% his parents, 15% my dad, 10% my mom and the remaining 60% us.

Post # 23
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2021

As some have mentioned Chinese tradition is that the groom’s family pays.  However, since Future Sister-In-Law married before Fiance and she married Caucasian, they did it the "American Way" so told Fiance long before we met that they wouldn’t help with his wedding.

Soooo my parents have become very very generous and suprising to me paying for almost everything.  The ceremony, reception, dress, airfare for a couple of family members, etc.  FI’s parents {I am told} will pay for the rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, and they are hosting another reception for their friends back at home. Needless to say, I love my parents!

Post # 24
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Never thought about asking parents to pay for our wedding.  So we are paying 100% of it.  We have both worked for a few years so it’s not a problem.  Don’t think it would be possible if we are both still students 🙂

Post # 26
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

We started out thinking that we would pay the whole thing – we both have good jobs, and can certainly do that.  Of course, we had planned something pretty modest.  When I started sharing the tentative plans with my mom, she made it pretty clear that she wanted something more elaborate, and that she and dad had planned all along on footing the bill.  At this point, we are sort of collaborating.  I tend to pay, or at least pay deposits, and she steps in and pays the rest, or tries to pay me back.  I don’t feel too bad about this, as what actually ends up happening is that she pays for the things that she wants… and that we probably wouldn’t have had if we paid for everything ourselves.  My FIs family has seriously no money (we already send his mother money every month to help out).  So the things that are traditionally covered by the groom’s family we will pay for ourselves – as well as hotel room for his mom and brother, and we will probably send her money or she and I will shop together for her dress.  My little sister was married four years ago, and this is actually about the way things went for her as well.

My mom is also being reeeeeally nice (trying very hard) about not getting too far from the relatively small event that we wanted.  She could certainly use the money as a way to exert control (and has shown in the past that she is totally capable of that).  But she is being very respectful, which is wonderful.

Post # 27
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Finances are always such a tough subject!  My fiance and I are paying for most of it (well… due to some financial obligations, he’s paying for most of "our" potion) and his parents have already said they are going to be chipping in "some money."  My mom doesn’t work and therefore doesn’t have any income and my dad is going through some financial difficulties now, so we’re not sure if he’s going to be able to contribute at all.

As other bees have mentioned, there’s different "traditional" ways that things are supposed to be paid for, depending on the tradition, of course.  My FI’s culture (American) thinks it’s up to the bride’s family to pay and my culture (Vietnamese) thinks it’s up to the groom’s family to pay.  Hopefully it’ll be mostly us and a little bit of help from the parents, since I’m in school and not making much at my $12/hour job. 🙁

Post # 28
Member
44 posts
Newbee

my Fiance and are paying for the whole wedding except the honeymoon which he is paying for. due to my FI’s crazy work schedule he hasnt even spoken to his parents since we got engaged (about 3 wks ago). my Fiance says that he doesn’t know if they will chip in for the wedding, but they are very traditional so i figure they would want to (since i think they can.) it would be so great too since they’re british and the pound is worth double the dollar right now. but they’re not crazy about the fact that their son is marrying an american girl and potentially never going back "home." so i’m wondering if they wont want to contribute too much out of that. but either way, we expect to pay for everything ourselves so anything on top of that will just be a perk!

Post # 29
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

we’re paying cash for everything ourselves – i refuse to charge anything and pay interest on top of that

my parents had put away some money and offered to pay, but we’ve opted to just pony up and pay for the wedding ourselves and save that cash my parents saved for our kids’ college or for our retirement or a rainy day…

 

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