(Closed) Wedding but no ring

posted 6 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
2021 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

you should probably ask him.

Post # 3
Member
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I’d argue that you’re already engaged, choosing a date let alone a venue is pretty big you’re engaged sign for me. You want him to propose? A big surprise proposal with the ring? Does he want to do a big proposal too? My husband felt it was important to formally propose but I didn’t really feel it was necessary.

It’s OK to want a formal proposal but at some point you sometimes have to accept it won’t happen. You need to talk to him and work out if he will actually formally propose or if you can actually start telling people. My husband “proposed” with a “if you see a ring you like, we can get it”. Some people didn’t really get it but I prefer what you guys did which is a honest discussion involving both partners about your joint future. Also, the most romantic thing my husband has ever done is not the proposal, it was during wedding planning when we were working out where to get married and his response was “I don’t care where I get married, as long as I marry you”. A proposal does not need to be the most romantic thing in your life.  

Post # 4
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I am actually in the same situation right now. We have chosen the date and booked the venue, even picked out my ring, but he hasn’t ordered it yet. I told him I don’t want to start REALLY planning until he proposes (with or without the ring I’d be fine with) but because since he hasn’t officially asked it feels unreal to me to start dress shopping, etc… I’m assuming he’ll order it this coming week and ask as soon as he gets it since we’re getting married in about 11 months now. Good luck bee! 

Post # 5
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Maybe I’m just too practical but seems to me that agreeing it’s time to get married and booking a venue kind of negates a formal “proposal”… you’re pretty much engaged. 

Post # 6
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

I’m in the camp of if you’ve set a date and booked a venue, you’re engaged with or without a ring. If it’s bothering you, though, bring it up with him. It’s not a crime to want an engagement ring.

Post # 7
Member
4066 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Does he have the money for the ring you want?  If not, or if that could be an issue, could find a ring together, and maybe even you contribute to it?

Post # 8
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would also feel like “is this really happening” until an actual proposal and investment into the ring had been made, regardless any conversations and decisions about the venue and date. Men don’t seem to take the wedding planning part as serious as us women, merely “agreeing” with most of the plans we present. I don’t know if your man is like that, but if he is even a little bit, i think it is very reasonable that you want to see him take a very active action on his part and initiate and perform the formal proposal to make this an official engagement, not just something between the two of you you are the only ones to know anything is being planned at all.

Post # 9
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

I was in same situation as pp. With boyfriend for years we decided it was time and picked a date. we were engaged 8 months and 3 months before wedding w finally got around to the ring. Part of it was he was saving for a much larger budget than I had ever expected and the other was he was afraid to pick one. So finally we talked money, budget and went to Tiffanys together. I’m glad I picked because ring I thought I wanted I ended up not liking. Got one I love!!! He eventually formally proposed but it was never a big romantic deal. Im lucky that he is really romantic guy but for whatever reason the proposal just seemed almost unnecessary and we just missed the boat on that one.

Post # 11
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
xoxpaigerz: I totally agree. I would rather be making plans with no ring than have one and not have made plans. But people are definitely judgmental when it comes to being engaged without a ring these days, at least it seems. My mom knows and wants to take me dress shopping but I am waiting for that. I want to really feel like a “bride-to-be” before that.

Post # 13
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

He felt strongly enough to secure a venue with you, but he didn’t feel strongly enough to propose yet? Does he talk to you regularly about the marriage plans, or is it not really mentioned anymore?  I don’t think an engagement ring or official proposal is absolutely necessary, but I’d feel uncomfortable keeping the marriage plans a secret to the families and friends. Unless there’s a good reason, it just seems off. 

Post # 14
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
xoxpaigerz: Me too bee. The wait is killing me! And my FH is the worst procrastinator lol.

Post # 15
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

You’re engaged, he probably isn’t even thinking of a proposal? 

 

and why was it a 3-year debate?

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by ukvibes.

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