- 10 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
My fiance…ex-fiance proposed this past Christmas. Just barely over a month ago. I have been with him for almost 2 years. We do not live together, have our own apartment and car, don’t have any major deal breakers going on in our relationship (like alcoholic, drug user, abusive, don’t share same religion, unemployed, dont want the same family life, etc). He had my ring for months. He asked my dad for his approval months ago. He even coordinated his parents coming to my city to enjoy the proposal/engagement. I asked him…after shouting yes, was he sure he wanted to do this. He said yes. All is going well. We finally find a place that meets our dreams. We put a couple thousand down on the venue. He was very involved in the wedding planning. So whats the problem??? He goes to visit his parents because of a death in the family and stays with his parents for 5-6 days. When he comes back, he starts saying things like my mom doesn’t think you like her, she says yall should have a closer relationship by now, and all this other shocking stuff. Now I’m puzzled because I have been talking to his mom just about everyday, excitingly planning the wedding. Then the next day, he says he’s having second thoughts but won’t explain. Then the third day, he says he can’t marry me carrying all these issues within our relationship into our marriage. So again, I’m like what issues??? He says well our communication issues. You like to talk things out, even if that leads to an argument. I don’t like to argue. I say so thats so big that we can’t get married. He then says we have differences, like different tastes in movies, im sensitive, he’s not, I’m emotional, he’s not, I can be indecisive, he’s not. I’m like I’m a WOMAN!! Of course we are sensitive, emotional, at time indecisive, and like romantic movies. Men are more rational, decisive and like action movies. So we can’t get married because of that??? We’ve only been engaged for 30 days. Those things didn’t just come up….I don’t understand why you proposed if these things are such a big issue that you can’t marry me. The next day, he sticks to the same story of not wanting to marry with these issues in our relationship. Eventually the wedding is thrown out and he just wants to be gf/bf instead of engaged. He doesn’t want to halt planning or postpone the wedding to work on these “issues”. Issues that I see as normal. No relationship is perfect and if the only thing we have is a difference on how we like to communicate, we can work on how to find better ways to communicate with each other that suits the other partner. But he’s like no, I just can’t do it. I have cold feet and am scared about this whole thing. But it just doesn’t make since to me. We just got engaged. Everything was fine until he got back from visiting his parents. So what do I think the issue really is….his mother. She is very involved, opiniated, and manipulative. He does everything for her….and she’s married. He does things for her that his dad should be doing. His great grandmother was the one who passed. She was living his parents and they were living on her check and the dad’s income. Now that she has passed they only have the dad income and they don’t have enough money to live on. So I’m almost sure he cancelled the wedding to help them out but didn’t have the balls to tell me that was the real reason. This all happened a week ago and we are back talking but nothing like before of course. His mom got a job offer yesterday and now he’s all in my face. So that really makes me feel that was the real issue. I need help on what to do. We have yet to talk this all out. But tonight we have to talk because the wedding venue is saying we still owe the balance whether we cancel or not. OUCH!!!! Im in a pickle. Any advice? I still love him. I just can’t believe he crushed and broke my heart, proposing and then cancelling the wedding, even if it was to help his parents. Now this is what I am being led to believe. He has not come out and said this…..but all sign points to this. As soon as I told my parents and bridesmaids, the first thing they said was, I bet it was his mom….before I even explained what happened.