- 7 years ago
- Wedding: January 2011
Okay this is going to be long and crazy but I’ll try to condense as much as possible.
Fi & I had been together 3 1/2 yrs engaged for right at 2 was suppose to get married Sat but I called it off on Thurs and I regret it with a passion and now he’s so hurt and shocked he will barely speak to me.
Okay story here he’s 15 years older than me which my parents esp my overbearing mother hates. She kept crying and trying to maniuplate me into not marrying him. We were suppose to be married in may but back last march she begged me to wait a while longer, let me get done with school etc.
So I did we set a new date of 1/8 everything was ready everything was in order. I had been living with him at his mom’s place *an issue I will cover shortly* for about a month and i came home to thurs to take care of some stuff. As soon as I walked in my mom started in with the crying and the guilt abt how he was changing me and she knew i wasn’t happy and this was killing her. she even tried to tell me my older brother was against it *upon asking him later he said he thought i could do better but it didn’t matter to him*
she had googled him *okay i did too back when we started dating* but the way she worded things she had gotten a PI to look into him. she started tellin me all this crap and hinting at stuff in his past twisting it making me think he was lieing to me. In a fit of emotions and despair over her drama *and the thought that my mother would not lie to me & he had* i called off the wedding i drove back to his house took my belonging and left. since then she has not been at all sympathic towards me. On friday i found out she didnt’ know any information she was just guessing at crap. she told me he had a felony dwi conviction *he has dwis from way back before we met but not a felony* so basically i threw us away based on her lies. she also brought up how he refused to take money out of savings for us to go on a honeymoon right after our wedding *we had planned on going in march during my spring break from school & also when we had more $$ this wedding has taught me to save $$ and if we had to wait and not be poor then so be it* she’s nuts
I’m furious. I’m stuck living here now as i am unemployed but looking to move and get away from her craziness asap. When we ordered the food she told the girl the whole time she just knew I was going to call it off and she didn’t want me to get married. she told everyone she met that. When people asked me if i was excited to get married she’d say *oh she’ll call it off* that’s psycho.
yes i had some issues with getting married i realized that i had been to focused on a wedding vs a marriage and we hadn’t done enough to be entirely ready but i knew we would have been okay. he’s very loving but he leaves most decisions to me. my mom was furious when he didn’t come with me to get our apt *1st he had to work that day & 2nd he doesn’t care he lets me make those choices* we were going to get an apt back before thanksgiving when he moved home from a contract job but due to family pressures *his overbearing mom* and $$ issues *which is one major flaw with him bc he never wanted to discuss it* and holiday stress he said we’d have to wait til after Christmas. And true to his word on Dec 27th we got an apt.
Now he wasn’t always as open abt his $$ situation as I would have liked but I knew our bills would be paid & he said he’d always let me see his statements to knwo he wasn’t keeping something from me.
Also he has a son from a previous relationship and their relationship is good but strained *the son has aspbergers *or however you spell it* and needs help but the mom won’t do anything about it-the kid talks in nonsense sometimes & other times is just flat out mean to his dad i love the kid but he needs help* so alot of that bothered me i thought they both needed some cousneling bc my fi doesn’t get to see him son very often *he lives out of state* and he still treats him like a small child. so that was prolly my biggest issue is getting the son help.
the last big issue in this story is his mom she’s a mean girl i mean she acts like she is 13. after i called off the wedding she had the nerve to trash me all over facebook. she’s overbearing. manipluative, meddlesome and controlling. she whines about everything is a gold digger, nothing ever makes her happy. the woman until the other night had never been flat out mean to me but she makes snide comments *he usually takes up for me but he’s a momma’s boy so there is a constant struggle there as i am the 3rd wheel*
while staying with her-she’d come in our bedroom to get our dirty clothes *even when i told her i would do our own laundry* she would throw hissy fits if she cooked breakfast and i didn’t eat it *i can’t stomach greasy foods in the am esp cold eggs ick* it was a constant struggle bc he needed to please her too much and she told me repeatedly she’d never live w/o him she’d always move wherever we were to be with us. *she’s crazy too*
so it’s a mess but its in a nutshell i called it off i regret it i still love him he says he still loves me we want to fix this all i want to undo all this nonsense. i am starting counseling on how to deal with my crazy family my dependcy issues and hopefully get him to come to couples consueling so we can deal with our joint problems.
what do i do next how to i help heal thsi other than give him time and space he’s pretty shocked and hurt he was so excited *he’d never been married before* he’s not an innocent victim but how do i help this
if we do get back together i know he will never fogive my mom neither will i but i hope he’ll at least be civil like i was to his mother. i also know we will never have a wedding bc he’ll be too gun shy but now what.