Post # 1
Hi, so over Christmas well Christmas Eve to be exact, my wedding dreams were crushed. I was to be married in April. The venue was paid for dresses purchased, I was so happy. Then My fiance and my father got into another fight (2nd time and physical) I really thought they would be try and hold it together for me and for the sake of he wedding, but no, they hate eachother and thats all there is to it. My dad refuses to attend any wedding between my fiance and me and I personally would never feel right about a wedding without my family. So I called off the wedding, and Im really trying to be strong and pretend it does not matter but Im crushed and devistated. My family relationships are strained now, my relationship with my fiance is on the verge of being over, and we ruined christmas for everyone. Im not real sure what the next step is… what do I do from here??? any advise would be greatly appriciated and accepted.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
Your dad wanted you to make a choice and you made it in his favor…but your family still isn’t supporting you? I’m so sorry! This whole things sounds horrible…especially the fact that your father and fiance had a physical fight.
Post # 4
I am sorry this happened but with so little information I don’t think I can give any advice.
Post # 5
I apologize if you are just trying to vent, but if you want advice, it may be important to have further information on the circumstances… for instance, who perpetuated this fight and others? If it is your fiance- you made a wise decision I think. There is no way that would be able to be overcome, a physical fight, and it is so beyond the way adults should comport themselves.
Post # 6
This is sad. But I think better now than later. If you got married and your family wasn’t there, over time you may resent your husband and his family. If you decide that you want to get married, just know that you may lose your relationship with your dad. If you are ok with that, proceed. There are a lot of people who have to make that decision. It sucks, but YOU CAN DO IT!
Post # 7
What were the circumstances with each fight?
Post # 8
I’m so sorry! I agree that in order to give advice, we really need to know the details of the situation. Was your father initiating the fights, and your fiance just defending himself? Or was your fiance getting into the fights as well?
Post # 9
Sorry about the lack of information, my head is not all together at this point.
1st fight was in September they were drunk, started wrestling in an elevator and it turned violent, and they ended up in a full blown fight. I guess you could say that neither one of them ever really got over it and I decided that we would all get together for a Christmas dinner so there would be no wiredness at the wedding.
Dinner was ok, but afterwards some small words were exchanged (I missed that) and in the parking lot they ended up yelling at eachother again and getting physical. I cant really determine who is at fault for the dinner fight… I blame them both, and the aftermath has really only hurt me I feel.
Post # 10
OMG. I am so so so so so so so so sorry. I agree with the others its hard to give advice not knowing who started and why and so on. but omg I am sorry.
Post # 11
@sarahsue1507: That’s awful. From what you’ve described, I think it’s probably best that you aren’t marrying your fiance. He sounds volatile, and I wouldn’t trust someone who gets violent with my father. It sounds like he has a short fuse, but you shouldn’t have to be with someone who resorts to violence as a way of solving a verbal disagreement. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this, though. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be.
Post # 12
This is terrible! It sounds like they will never get along and that you will have to choose who to put first – your Fiance or your father. I wouldn’t blame you for never speaking to either of them again, though. Yikes.
Post # 13
Maybe it is for the best for now. And it is okay to be upset, you are allowed to show that. I think that if you and your Fiance stay together he should definitely look into some anger management. No matter what my father did or said to my Fiance, he would NEVER put his hands on him. Your Fiance should respect your father.
Not saying that they weren’t both in the wrong, but your Fiance should have known when to walk away from it out of respect for you.
What is the reason for two grown men to get into fist fights not once, but twice??
Post # 14
@Legallyblondiebride: They truly hate eachother and both feel as if they have something to prove. My dad is no angle, dont get me wrong they both think they are tough guys.
I thought they would both get over it and be nice even if just for my sake, and I really never thought they would fight in front of my Fiance parents??? I am so embaressed I cant even face anyone.
My Fiance and I are trying to work this out but I really dont know if or how we can
Post # 15
Clearly they are both wrong for engaging in such behavior.
I think it’s important for you to understand (from each one of them) why their fights turn physical, and what it would take from them to reconcile to the point of tolerating each other.
It’s not normal adult behavior to start fighting and have it turn physical. They both love you and should respect you, which means respecting each other.
Has your fiance ever been physically violent before? Or your dad? It’s not ok to hit someone because you’re mad and I just hope that you understand that.
I know it must be incredibly hard for you right now, but it is a 100 times better to work out this issue now rather than later.
Post # 16
I am not trying to make light with the following but it came to mind: this is your life not the Jersey Shore.
If my Dad said or did something to my fiance, I would remind my fiance, it is my Dad and he was in my life first, so if you can’t be respectful of him as an extension of me- then this is not going to work.
In no way should a younger man be engaging in a fist fight with your father. I don’t care if he is hot headed too- it is totally disrespectful.
I agree with PPs that you have a right to feel crushed over this, but honestly sweetie, it is a bullet dodged. Can you imagine if you had children with this man down the road and they saw him get physical with their grandpa? It gives me chills to think about.
My heart goes out to you. If you are up to it, you should invite your Dad out for dinner one on one and just say you love him and want him to feel joy over your future life partner, not rage.