(Closed) Wedding Canceled, Help

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Your dad wanted you to make a choice and you made it in his favor…but your family still isn’t supporting you?  I’m so sorry!  This whole things sounds horrible…especially the fact that your father and fiance had a physical fight.

 

Post # 4
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

I am sorry this happened but with so little information I don’t think I can give any advice.

Post # 5
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I apologize if you are just trying to vent, but if you want advice, it may be important to have further information on the circumstances… for instance, who perpetuated this fight and others?  If it is your fiance- you made a wise decision I think.  There is no way that would be able to be overcome, a physical fight, and it is so beyond the way adults should comport themselves.

Post # 6
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is sad. But I think better now than later. If you got married and your family wasn’t there, over time you may resent your husband and his family. If you decide that you want to get married, just know that you may lose your relationship with your dad. If you are ok with that, proceed. There are a lot of people who have to make that decision. It sucks, but YOU CAN DO IT!

Post # 7
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

What were the circumstances with each fight? 

Post # 8
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m so sorry! I agree that in order to give advice, we really need to know the details of the situation. Was your father initiating the fights, and your fiance just defending himself? Or was your fiance getting into the fights as well? 

Post # 10
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

OMG. I am so so so so so so so so sorry. I agree with the others its hard to give advice not knowing who started and why and so on. but omg I am sorry.  

 

Post # 11
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@sarahsue1507: That’s awful. From what you’ve described, I think it’s probably best that you aren’t marrying your fiance. He sounds volatile, and I wouldn’t trust someone who gets violent with my father. It sounds like he has a short fuse, but you shouldn’t have to be with someone who resorts to violence as a way of solving a verbal disagreement. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this, though. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be.

Post # 12
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is terrible! It sounds like they will never get along and that you will have to choose who to put first – your Fiance or your father. I wouldn’t blame you for never speaking to either of them again, though. Yikes.

Post # 13
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Maybe it is for the best for now. And it is okay to be upset, you are allowed to show that. I think that if you and your Fiance stay together he should definitely look into some anger management. No matter what my father did or said to my Fiance, he would NEVER put his hands on him. Your Fiance should respect your father.

Not saying that they weren’t both in the wrong, but your Fiance should have known when to walk away from it out of respect for you.

What is the reason for two grown men to get into fist fights not once, but twice??

Post # 15
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Clearly they are both wrong for engaging in such behavior.

I think it’s important for you to understand (from each one of them) why their fights turn physical, and what it would take from them to reconcile to the point of tolerating each other.

It’s not normal adult behavior to start fighting and have it turn physical. They both love you and should respect you, which means respecting each other.

Has your fiance ever been physically violent before? Or your dad? It’s not ok to hit someone because you’re mad and I just hope that you understand that.

I know it must be incredibly hard for  you right now, but it is a 100 times better to work out this issue now rather than later.

Post # 16
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am not trying to make light with the following but it came to mind: this is your life not the Jersey Shore. 

If my Dad said or did something to my fiance, I would remind my fiance, it is my Dad and he was in my life first, so if you can’t be respectful of him as an extension of me- then this is not going to work.

In no way should a younger man be engaging in a fist fight with your father.  I don’t care if he is hot headed too- it is totally disrespectful.

I agree with PPs that you have a right to feel crushed over this, but honestly sweetie, it is a bullet dodged.  Can you imagine if you had children with this man down the road and they saw him get physical with their grandpa?  It gives me chills to think about.

My heart goes out to you.  If you are up to it, you should invite your Dad out for dinner one on one and just say you love him and want him to feel joy over your future life partner, not rage.

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