(Closed) WEDDING CEREMONY DILEMMA, PLEASE ADVISE

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I don’t have any advice, but I just want to say that I’m very sorry you’re going through this. I have never heard of bridal party members being dictated by the officiant, due to family status or religion. However, I’ve read enough on WB to know that that doesn’t mean it can’t happen- there have been many examples of priests not willing to officiate if couples live together, etc., so if a priest wanted to exclude pregnant married women or Muslims, he probably could.

I’m also sorry your friend had asked you to make a compromise to your faith. 🙁

Post # 5
Member
5080 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

She’s getting married in a Catholic church and says the priest will not let you stand up because you are not Catholic?  Or specifically because you are Muslim?

Post # 6
Member
12632 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow.  I’m a practicing Catholic, and I have never heard of this rule.  I can see the perspective of the priest, because the alter is a sacred place in Catholicism and maybe he sees it as inappropriate to have someone of a different faith there?  However, if your friend was Muslim and her FI were Catholic, she would be allowed to be there to be married (only one party has to be Catholic), so I guess that doesn’t work.

I don’t have advice for you other than to say that a lot of rules made by priests seem to be discretionary and done differently in different places in the country.  How it was done was offensive and incredibly rude. 

I’m so sorry that this priest has singled you out and made it seem like you were unwanted.  Please be aware that is not universal in Catholicism! 

Post # 8
Member
5080 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mfathy:  oh my.  That is unfair.  I’ve stood up in Catholic weddings and while I was raised Catholic, I know other members of the wedding party were not and it was never an issue.   

Post # 9
Member
5425 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

Honestly, that’s awful.  I am sorry you have to deal with this.  It is not fair one bit

Post # 10
Member
4961 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This is awful! I’ve never heard of such a thing! I’m sorry, it’s not fair.

Post # 11
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow, this is horrid. This is all on the priest, unfortunately; different parishes have their own rules, some more strict and some more lenient. I’ve never been to a Catholic wedding, so I don’t know about the entire bridal party taking communion, but that seems a little weird to me, I guess.

I wish I had advice to give you, but I do want to say that I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this. Frown What really upset me about your post was her saying, “Well, if it wasn’t for the headscarf, no one would know you were Muslim.” WTF rude.

Post # 12
Member
4961 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’ve been to several Catholic weddings and never saw the bridal party take communion, only the bride and groom. Because chances are, you’re going to have friends in the bridal party that aren’t the same religion as the bride/groom, you know?

Post # 13
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! I wouldn’t be surprised if it was true on the part of the priest, but still absolutely ridiculous! I have been to Catholic full mass weddings where bridal party members did not take communion. I am Jewish and have been a BM in a Catholic wedding. Just because you can’t tell I’m Jewish by looking at me makes it okay to allow me to stand up there but you can’t because it is “obvious” you are muslim by your headscarf?  THIS IS RIDICULOUS and absolutely horrible!!! Things like this are the exact reason why I cannot stand organized religion!!  How do you preach that God and Jesus love everyone and accept everyone yet then show blatant disregard for another human being (based on their culture and religion).  I don’t get it!

I’m sorry I don’t have any good advice for you but I am so angry I just needed to post and vent!!!  

 

Also I don’t understand why a priest would not allow a married pregnant woman to stand up there.  This priest doesn’t sound very priest like!

Post # 14
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is terrible….

I am so sorry.

Post # 15
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Oh, my, I am so sorry, and so ashamed to hear about this! The priest is absolutely wrong to be handling this in this way. I suspect that it is this priest’s individual prejudices at work here, because this is definitely not part of the Church’s rules about weddings. Here are the real guidelines:

– it’s true that you should not take Communion. However, that in no way bars you from being a bridesmaid/member of the bridal party. (For the record, my FI’s best man is an avowed atheist and he will still be in our Catholic wedding and will sign off on our marriage license.)

– it’s false that you would have to remove your headscarf. Mother Teresa has a beautiful quote about “If you are a Christian, be a good Christian, if you are a Muslim, be a good Muslim, if you are a Hindu, be a good Hindu …” Being a good Muslim requires you to cover your head, so you should absolutely be faithful to that even – especially – while you’re in a Catholic church. As I said, I am ashamed that anyone would make you feel unwelcome to wear hijab in the church.

– It’s true that you won’t know the prayers – but they should be printed in the program or in a Mass book so that you can at least follow along – and you should not be expected to speak any prayer that goes against your beliefs. (Again, I’m thinking about FI’s atheist best man – we’re not expecting him to say all the responses if he’s uncomfortable doing so.) I’m sure that you would have no problem saying some of the parts, like the “Peace be with you” “And with your spirit” part because it’s practically the same thing as Salaam aleikoum – Aleikoum salaam. But I wouldn’t expect you to recite the Nicene Creed because I know that Muslims don’t have the same belief about the Trinity that Catholics do.

– About the only thing (besides Communion) that you really shouldn’t do at a Catholic weddings is proclaim one of the Bible readings (that is supposed to be done by a Catholic). It doesn’t sound like she’s asking you to do this anyway, though!

Again, I am so sorry they are behaving this way. I hope they can open their hearts and be more welcoming to you, as Christ would want them to be. They seem to be forgetting that. Another reason why this really upsets me is that they are missing a beautiful opportunity to catechize – to teach and share about the Catholic faith and, at the same time, learn something about Islam. We will be inviting some of our Muslim friends to our wedding, and I am looking forward to hearing what they think of it and comparing notes, especially with one couple that is recently married themselves. It’s too bad they are missing out on this chance to do something similar.

Post # 16
Member
3887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I was raised catholic— haven’t practiced in decades though– but as far as I know there’s never been any official catholic statement to this effect, and the only rule is that non-catholics cannot take communion. I am thinking the priest has over-interpreted the rules and it puts everyone in a really uncomfortable position. I would direct any angry or hurt feelings towards the priest and not the friend and her fiance because it sounds like this really isn’t what they had in mind for their wedding.

 

FWIW I was a bridesmaid in my brother’s catholic wedding despite being a known non-catholic for years. I stood at the altar, and the priest simply did not offer me communion.

Also FWIW it is things like this that make people really dislike the catholic church.

The topic ‘WEDDING CEREMONY DILEMMA, PLEASE ADVISE’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors