Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor just got her dress and my wedding is March 13. She is a plus size, and was hoping to lose weight for the wedding so she ordered a size or two smaller. The dress will not zip up, I am not sure by how much as I am afraid to ask. She is going on some foolish cleanse diet where you eat nothing but fruit for 3 weeks.
I don’t want her starving herself or going on some unhealthy crazy diet. I have told her to just get a dress in our wedding colors; any dress will work as she is Maid/Matron of Honor. She is insistent that she can lose the weight by the wedding, but I don’t think it will be easy. She has struggled her whole life to lose weight. Any advice? How can I encourage her to get another dress pronto without hurting her feelings. She could always return it if she doesn’t wear it.
I don’t want her to feel pressured to lose any weight, and she tends to over eat most when stressed out.
Post # 3
oh dear…. you were very flexible to offer her the choice to just wear a dress in your wedding colors. i guess that’s all you can do. my bridesmaid did the same thing and broke her zipper! she has till april to lose the weight! good luck
Post # 4
If she really is insisting on losing the weight I would suggest maybe getting active with her. Help her lose the weight and while you guys are out for a walk or something gently bring up at what point she would want to get a different dress. Maybe you two can also have a day of “window shopping” so you both at least have a back up plan.
Post # 5
This happened to me. I bought my bridesmaid dress a month after I was very, very ill and lost a lot of weight. This was in December/ January. My sister’s wedding was in June of that year. I thought I’d just keep it off since the weight I’d lost actually made me my “ideal” weight, but ordered a size up just in case I put “some” back on. Well, I was really good until the wedding festivities started, and a week before the wedding, the dress didn’t fit anymore! It was a two piece, and while I managed to Spanx myself into the skirt, I’m rather busty so the top was an absolute no go. However, I turned it from a zipper into a corset back and it turned out rather well.
Would a corset back be an option for your MOH? It sounds like she can get into the dress, just can’t zip it up. Altering it to a corset back would be much less stressful overall, I think, than her starving herself to lose the weight.
Post # 6
How’d she react to the suggestion of a different dress? Obviously since she’s Maid/Matron of Honor, that’d be fine… I really hope she doesn’t go on some crazy crash diet! Maybe you can say something tactful like, “I love how you look now and I really want you to be able to enjoy the wedding festivities without worrying about the dress, so maybe we can go shopping together to find something cute that’ll make you stand out as MOH?”
Post # 7
im sorry but the broke her zipper thing made me laugh. as a plus sized gal that has struggled with her weight forever…..i can relate to your Maid/Matron of Honor. but….the likliness of her losing two dress sizes by the end of march is pretty slim. When you have problems with food things like that just dont happen. if she wants to really loose weight, in her case it will have to be a life chanign thing over time. there is no way she is going to be able to eat only fruit for a month.
Some gals think that the size tag is everything. that does not matter…what matters is ohw you feel and look. if she does this crazy diet and acutally accomplishes it she is going to look and feel sick. that is just not healthy. so really her doing this diet is a loose loose situation. plus she still might now loose enough weight to fit the dress comfortly. try to explain to her what her skin is goign to look like if she has zero protein in her diet for a month. also try to explain how weak she is going to be. there is no way she will be able to exercise if she is eating only fruit. therefore if she drops two dress sizes and does not tone up she is going to be really flabby..gross.
but i am saying things you alread know. I think you should explain to her that she looks great and does not need the size tag to say 12 (or whatever) to look great at your wedding. Go shopping with her and help her find a nice dress in her size (make sure you make her feel comfortable..if you are not plus sized and she is).
try not to stress too much about this. it is YOUR wedding. as long as you look fabulous on your day taht is all that matters 😀
Post # 8
Thank you ladies!
@ daniellealys I really appreciate your perspective. We have been friends since we were little kids and she has always struggled while I was the thin one. The last thing I would ever want is for her feelings to be hurt. You are right the chances of her fitting are small as she ordered this dress in August. I do not believe in crash diets. She is going to feel weak and be unhealthy. not to mention fail. Who can eat berries for 3 weeks. I feel like failing to lose the weight would even spur her to seek comfort in food again. The most important thing is for her to feel comfortable and beautiful. I did let her choose her own dress as the Maid/Matron of Honor the others BM’s have different dresses in a similar shade.
@bunny2010 That is an awesome idea! I think it will work with the dress, and she already has a different dress than the rest of the BM’s as the maid of honor. She adjust the corset if she does lose the weight and it may even give her more support. Thank you Thank You!
Post # 9
I really like the idea of you and her getting on a reasonable eating plan and exercise routine together. That could be really fantastic. Bonus: You will look even better for your wedding (healthy lifestyle = better hair and skin too!).
2 dress sizes is probably about 20 lbs depending on her size. Its not impossible by that time, but will be very very very difficult. Maybe she should strive for ten and see how it goes.
Post # 10
@missmarch: No problem, glad I could help. Let us know how it turns out!
Post # 11
@heather 25 I would love to do that but unfortunately she lives in a different state so that would not be possible. But maybe I can encourage her from a distance. I definitely do not want her to do something unhealthy!
Post # 12
Sit back and wait. You are okay with her wearing a different dress so worst case scenario she has to run out the day before and buy a new dress. Just tell her good luck with her weight loss goals but she is your Maid/Matron of Honor no matter what she weighs.
BAD idea to buy a dress too small if you’ve never been successful losing weight before.. Not the end of the world though.
Post # 13
The likelihood that she could drop even one dress size by March 13th is not impossible, but unlikely. This is coming from a bigger girl here: take her hand and say, “Honey, I love you, and I don’t want you to do anything unhealthy to your body to try to fit into this dress. Let’s go see if we can have it altered, or try to find another option.” Floundering around the issue or walking on eggshells around her will not help either of you in the long run. Nip this in the bud right now.
Post # 14
First of all I want to say that you are an awesome friend!! That was so sweet of you to suggest getting a different dress. I was in a wedding as the Maid/Matron of Honor and the bride wanted me to wear a different dress than everyone else. She chose a dress that had been discontinued and the only size that the bridal shop could get in was a 3 (not enough material to let it out). I am smaller, but not a 3! Anyhow I basically starved myself for 3 months and still had to wear spanx under my dress. This is all very ridiculous I know. Who knows, she may be able to lose the weight by then, and spanx may certainly help (has she tried spanx?) but you are giving her the opportunity to not go through that!! You are good friend!! It will all work out.
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
If it will zip up part way and you don’t have time to convert it to a corset back, maybe a nice shrug or something that she can wear as a (permanent) cover up for the day will help?
Post # 16
What if you find out her real size and start doing some online shopping. That way there are some more options. Like you said you can always return it.