(Closed) Wedding competition/jealousy.. help??

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Start over the planning process and don’t involve them. Sorry your cousin sucks.

Post # 3
2722 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Unless I’m missing something, is there so much to do that your aunt can’t help with both weddings?

When I was engaged, I planned everything with minimal help from anyone. How much is your aunt actually doing and why?

And everyone here will tell you that you only get a day. If your cousin wants her “wedding” the week after yours, you don’t get a right to be upset.

Post # 4
4034 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
caselicious:  I feel bad that you have such a snot for a cousin. Is there anyone else in your life that can help you plan your wedding? Best friends, even co-workers that have a knack for event planning? I would thank your aunt for all of her help up until this point and relieve her of her responsibilities due to her competing priorities… Best of luck. 

Post # 5
6534 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Why’s this poor woman planning everyone’s events? You plan your wedding, your cousin plans Her reception, and the aunt can just be your aunt. 

Post # 6
8368 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
caselicious:  Why isn’t your fiance helping you plan your wedding? It seems bizarre to me that the choices are A) aunt helps plan, or B) elope. There’s a lot in between that it seems like you’re not considering.

Post # 8
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

What kind of decor are you having at your wedding that’s appropriate for a baby shower? In any case, just plan it all yourself. Problem solved. 

Post # 9
1705 posts
Bumble bee

I think you and your Fiance should take over the planning, otherwise your cousin is going to have a direct pipeline of information about your wedding via your aunt, and obviously that bothers you. You should also tell the aunt that you’re concerned about family being able to travel to both weddings so close together. Or is this mostly a problem about who will take on all these DIY  craft projects? My Fiance and I are having a large, complicated wedding, and we pretty much booked all our major vendors within 6 weeks. Planning a wedding doesn’t have to be a big, time-consuming project.

Post # 10
1441 posts
Bumble bee

Give yourself a moment to be upset/angry/sad and then move on.  If you continue to focus on things you can’t control (when/why cousin elected to have her reception) it will overshadow the joy you should feel. 

Then decide what you want to do. 

Do you want your aunt and uncle to continue to help?  Then ask them if they can or if they’ll be spread too thin.  If you do have them help, I’d try hard to scale back their input to very minimal to avoid taking advantage of them.  

Do you want to change things up a bit so that your wedding won’t look so similar to her baby shower and wedding reception?  Then thank your aunt/uncle for their time and make some changes to whatever hasn’t been done yet.  I don’t know how much DIY still needs to happen, but maybe you can find alternatives with a simpler decor, or having someone else help.  This is probably the route I’d take.     

Either way,  try not to spend too much time and angst on something you cannot change.  

Post # 11
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

The only person who has to help you plan is your Fiance. Wedding planning can be stressful but it really is not so hard that two people can’t plan it. Countless others plan their weddings

Post # 12
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Btw- you get a day. You ent have claim to the entire month surrounding your wedding

Post # 13
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Who is being competitive with whom? Who is jealous of whom?

I am sorry, maybe you don’t mean to, but it sounds like you are upset that you will have to share your aunt/spotlight? If you don’t get it completely, you’d rather elope? 

Is your Fiance helping? 

Post # 14
369 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
caselicious:  I’m sorry you’re upset, but I have to be honest. I don’t get it at all.

Please correct me if I’m wrong or if I’m missing something but it sounds like you’re annoyed because

  1. Bratty cousin gave an attitude to your aunt because aunt was helping you plan your wedding 
  2. Cousin wanted to use the same decorations at her baby shower as you’re planning for your wedding 
  3. Cousin secretly eloped and now wants a reception a week after your wedding

I wouldn’t give ANY of this more than one second of my time or energy. These are your cousin’s problems and they have nothing, zip, zilch, nada to do with you and your wedding.

Life is short.

If you’re going to get wound up about stuff like this, you’re going to drive yourself nuts. 

Post # 15
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would only be pissed if cousin planned her wedding for the same day. It’s a week after, everyone will still be super excited to celebrate with you.

This is nothing to pull the elope card for. I understand why you are upset, but just ask for aunts help with some of the diy stuff and do the rest yourself

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