(Closed) Wedding Cost Problem

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would not even mention it to your Father-In-Law unitl they ask. I honestly think times have change so much that parents do not help their children pay for their weddings. I know its not an execuse but you did say she has a problem with alcohol so she is probably n ot 100% all there. I am sure your FI’s family would not judge you about your family not paying because we did not choose who are our families. I have the opposite issue. My mother said she would help us out even though I know she has no money while my FI’s mother has not said a word about giving us money. It does not bother me at all and I think its our wedding so we might as well pay of it. Another reason I am happy about paying for most of our wedding is that way we can invite who ever we  please and do not have to accomodate because they are helping for our wedding.

Post # 4
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@louise81: I think it’s ok to feel disappointed about the challenges you’ve faced as a result of the family. But ultimately, your mom doesn’t have the money regardless of the reason. Whether she was giving it all to charity, spending it on alcohol, or was laid off, it isn’t there, so I wouldn’t dwell on it. As for telling your FI’s family, I don’t know if you even have to. Figure out what they’d like to pay towards, or how much they’re willing to contribute, and then you and your Fiance can pay the rest. If it means scaling back on a few choices to accommodate your budget, then do so. Or, let them know what is going to be contributed from your side of the family so they can decide how much they’d like to do (you don’t need to be specific about whether that’s you or your mom). Clearly, your mom has made some choices that have hurt you (emotionally, financially, or otherwise), but I’d avoid doing anything to disparage her in the eyes of your FI’s family.

Post # 5
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am in a very similar situation as you. My family, not only are they not contributing, but they are not even attending. My FI’s family have been extremely generous and are contributing about 30% of our budget. Fiance and I are coming up with the rest on our own. His family knows and understands my family situation, and I have become very close with his mother and stepmother.

I think you have every right to feel that your hand of cards is unfair, but try not to let it bring you down. I’ve already told myself I am allowed to be sad for 5 min on my wedding day, but that’s it! Your mother is missing out on being able to help you with your big day.

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