(Closed) Wedding costs split by both families?

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 3
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think any money situation can work as long as you sit everyone down and come up with a budget.  If one side of the family wants to invite more guests for example, then maybe they should pay the additions to the catering for that.

Post # 4
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Our situation is really really complicated – my parents are contributing a set dollar amount, his parents are helping out with certain things, and we’re paying for a portion of the wedding ourselves. It’s kind of difficult because we don’t know yet exactly how much his parents are willing to pay, and we have to take into account both visions of the wedding, but it’s worked so far and we’re grateful for the help on both sides. 

Post # 5
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

That’s kind of what our situation is like. My parents are paying for the reception venue (food/drink per person) and his parents are paying for photography, band, and flowers/decor, which comes out to almost the same as the reception. So far the only issue has been the guest list–I found myself getting annoyed that his parents added so many people the guest list because my parents have to pay for them, and they’re these obscure third cousins twice removed or whatever. But my parents haven’t actually gotten upset about that–just me getting upset on their behalf. And his parents felt bad and offered to pay for some of their guests if the amount is too much for my parents.

But they haven’t really had any talks together about the budget. They kind of just do their own thing separately, since they’re each paying for specific things. They’ve just been writing checks and sending them in/giving them to us, which we are very grateful for!!

Post # 6
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Actually, 50/50 works out really well because then no one feels like they are putting more into it (and therefore should have more of a say, etc.).

The only annoyance so far, is that Fiance and I have been paying for most things and then asking our parents for the money. I hate asking for money, and I know they said they’d pay for it, but I still feel awkward every time saying, “Can you give us a cheque for $xxxx?” Ugh…

hilsy85: Since my Fiance has much less family here than I do, his parents and my parents are dividing the reception/food costs in proportion to how many people they are inviting. So, they can invite as many guests as they want since they are paying for their own guests anyway. It works out nicely like that.

Everything else they are dividing 50/50.

Post # 7
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@karina: yeah it probably would have been good to discuss how the parents wanted to pay for the guest list from the beginning. Originally, we thought we would only have 140-150 people; our list is now at 198! Fiance DRASTICALLY underestimated the # of guests his parents would have, and by the time we got the list, the venue was booked and we had already agreed with my parents that they would be paying for it. Your way sounds much more organized and fair.

Post # 8
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We have a weird situation too… This is the first wedding for both families, so there hasn’t really been a precedent set and no one is sure what to do. His dad has pledged a certain amount, but has also said not to worry and if we needed someone to picku up the slack, he would help. FIs mom (his parents are divorced) is also contributed a set, albeit smaller, amount. My parents have been really involved in venue searching and have dropped hints about what they would like to pat for (ie. my dress) but they have not said so far how much they will give us. I assume Fiance and I will pick up the rest, but from what we have so far, it should be fine. Mind you, we are still over a year out, so nothing is set in stone quite yet! In terms of guest lists, our parents have all been pretty low-key about inviting randoms to the wedding, and they keep saying it’s up to us and we don’t have to invite anyone we don’t want to. So we are aiming for a total number of 100 guests, and our list is at 110 now, so I think we will be okay!

Post # 9
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

we had this in the beginning (things changed, but still).  The way we handled it?

We had both parents over for dinner and told them what our “rules” were, what we envisioned.  This is our day.  We let them know everything we wanted, and brought to the table everything they envisioned/wanted to discuss.  Both sides have been very good about the fact that this is OUR day.

We also made it very clear that the final guestlist from either end had to get the OK from us.  FH’s parents had a crazy amount of people we had never met, and we put our foot down.  My parents had people on there that I refuse to have any contact with.  Were feelings hurt? In some cases, but certain things need to be said & done.

Post # 11
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yes, we’re doing this. All checks go to us and are put in our shared couples’ account, and we pay wedding bills out of that account. (They just each sent us a one-time check). It’s worked pretty well. We do find out every now and then that, like, Future Father-In-Law really cares about having nice formal invitations, and so even if that hadn’t been our original plan we kind of consider it an “upgrade” that he decided he wanted to sponsor.  So the end result is that we’re spending more than we originally planned on the wedding because different parties want “upgrades” on different aspects of it. But it still ends up within the budget, so for us it’s been OK!

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