(Closed) Wedding conversation with mom…

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
345 posts
Helper bee

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snpmarin:  you just can’t have highly unrealistic expectation from people. Not everyone you invite will come, regardless of location. And when you make coming even more difficult, more people will disappoint you. 

Post # 18
1744 posts
Bumble bee

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jkat84:  It seems like you should know your mother and how she says things. It sounds like she can be very blunt in stating the truth — and you may not prefer that for this event.  

In order to avoid future disappointments regarding her reaction you might consider:  1) alter your expectations of your mother – she’s not going to change the way she’s always been. 2) not discuss your wedding since you know she’ll tell you what she really thinks in a way that irriates you or 3) tell your mother that what you really want from her is nodding, smiling, approval whether she means it or not.   

Post # 19
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Sounds like your mom is like my mom was. Mine liked to give me little digs about things I was enthusiastic about. Just enough to make me question myself and have doubts.

When I was a kid and she had total control, she would just say, “that stinks and you’re not doing it”. When I grew up and could do what I wanted, she would just make little sarcastic remarks. Like “some people wouldn’t like that” ,I would say, “some people would like it” and we would be off to the races.

We might love them, but they are not perfect.

Post # 21
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Of couse your mom wants you to get married in your home town.  As much as people may be close with you,  many people may not be able to come.  Many may not want to drive 6 hours on Saturday and Sunday and also may not be able to take a day off of work.   You seem to be minimizing her feelings.  Her feelings are rationale.  Maybe she could have expressed it better, but that does not change the facts.   Of course, it is your choice where to have your wedding, but I can certainly see her not wanting to pay for part of it if you do not have it near her. 

Post # 22
3088 posts
Sugar bee

Well, she simply told you her opinion and I.actually see her point.I never understand how.people.get so.offended by a simple.opinion.She didn’t disrespect you.She clearly stated that you can still do.what you want.Is she expected to walk.on eggshells.around you because you might not want to hear it?Then again,I appreciate when people shoot it to.me straight rather than just thinking it.

Post # 23
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I seriously think you’re taking this wayyyyy too personally.

Regardless of your reasoning for having the wedding in another town her statement that it will be harder for some family to attend is correct… 


Post # 24
1552 posts
Bumble bee

Maybe you should wait until you’re engaged to even have these conversations?

Post # 25
471 posts
Helper bee

We went through this same exact thing!  I even sent out save the dates for a wedding in northern ca (everyone we know lives in southern ca).. We eventually just gave in and moved the wedding to SoCal.  Yes I sucked because I wanted everyone to see how beautiful it is where we live now bit I think it was worth it because everyone is so much more excited for the wedding now.  Especially the older people who have a hard time getting around. if your heart is set on doing it where you live and It would kill you to move it closer to your family  then have it your way.  With me however, all I really cared about was marrying him in fronts family and friends 

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