(Closed) Wedding Crashers

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Someone rude enough to bring uninvited guests to a wedding isn’t going to apologize for doing so.

Did the venue actually add to your bill after the wedding? Unless, it actually cost you an extra $400 I would just let this go. You can’t change it and while you may deserve an apology, that doesn’t mean you will get one.

Your Mother-In-Law has apologized to you and your husband has apologized to your parents. Your Mother-In-Law shouldn’t be forced to cause family drama over this. Her sister is an adult, your Mother-In-Law is not responsible for her actions and shouldn’t have to apologize for them unless she told her sister she could bring extra guests (and it doesn’t sound like that’s the case). 

Post # 3
Member
7569 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
summer2017 :  Whilst it was rude as hell for your Aunt to bring two uninvited people to the wedding, I just don’t understand your thinking around your Mother-In-Law.

You are being extremely unfair to your Mother-In-Law and she owes no one an apology. She is not responsible for the actions of one of your guests. If you had a problem with a guests behaviour it was you and your husbands job to deal with it and not your MIL’s. she did you a favour by confronting her sister and you should be thanking her for doing that.

Post # 4
Member
25 posts
Newbee

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j_jaye :  I agree. The conversation, if any, should be directly with the MIL’s sister who was the one who actually brought people. Unless there is some back story we don’t know about where the MIL’s sister was not originally invited until the Mother-In-Law angrily insisted upon it, or something, then she is in no way responsible for her sister. Auntie was rude. But as you said, if it was the only thing that went wrong, feel your anger then make peace with it. You don’t have to go out of your way to do nice things for auntie in the future. But certainly don’t keep harping at the Mother-In-Law. It’s time to start building a positive relationship with her, no? 

Post # 5
Member
3664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Crashers suck,  but your Mother-In-Law isn’t responsible for the poor behavior of another adult. The aunt should have been confronted directly. I also agree with PP that you aren’t going to get an apology from someone rude enough to bring not one, but two uninvited guests to your wedding. I’d just make sure she doesn’t make the guest list for the next event you host. 

Post # 6
Member
5050 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
summer2017 :  Wow….that is shocking! I understand your frustration at your Mother-In-Law but it really isn’t fair to blame her for her siblings rudeness. It’s like Somebody blaming you for something your brother and sister have done. 

Just think your party must have been so fabulous that people wanted to crash it! Not much else you can do at this point other than reframe it in your mind. In ten years time you will actually laugh about this….. I promise!!

If you really want revenge bring everyone and their dog to said aunts house for an impromptu dinner to see how she enjoys interlopers!! 

Post # 7
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think you should let it go and not let it taint your wedding. Sounds like it was wonderful!

Post # 8
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

Could you not have asked a venue manager to escort them off the property? It’s not really your MIL’s responsibility to take care of a problem she didn’t cause in the first place.

Also, the whole favour situation was the perfect opportunity to simply ask, “Do I know you?”.

Post # 9
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry this happened to you bee! At my FIL’s wedding two complete randoms crashed the party (it was in a hotel with other people around the building). I was dancing with Mother-In-Law (the bride) and she pointed out these two girls she had never seen before on the dancefloor. She went over and asked “Who are you?” and they replied with attitude “Who are You?” – to the bride wearing a white ballgown !!

She got them by the ear and escorted them out. Turns out they were complete randoms who didn’t know a soul at the wedding but “fancied a dance” !!

Post # 10
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Wow. That’s not okay.

First: it would drive me crazy that my MiL didn’t care enough to confront her sister properly and instead was being passive.

This is something my FMiL would do with her sister… it happens at every family gathering… her sister behaves badly and my FMiL makes excuses as if it’s okay. Meanwhile, FMiL’s husband loudly complains about the sister’s behaviour (he’s not much better but anyway)… I had a big heart-to-heart with FMiL once after 5+ of this incidents (and a few glasses of wine) and realised she does hate the way her sister behaves but she’s spent her whole life trying to clean up the mess her sister makes and nothing works (confronting, damage control, etc.). It still drives me crazy when FMiL’s sister behaves badly and FMiL smiles sweetly and asks us to be polite (picture Chritmas dinner when FMiL has spent days prepping and her sister shows up with enough potatoes for just her and her kids and says ‘I didn’t think anyone else liked these’ before complaining about literally every other part of the meal).

As other’s have said, it’s not your MiL’s responsibility to deal with her sister unless she was the desniated person to deal with chaos or gate crashers.

Second: Did you speak to your MiL’s sister about it? If not then is it possible she didn’t even realise it was a big deal? (Perhaps she is that ignorant.)

If you’re still feeling sore about it I would consider adding a mention into the thank you notes… or (if you’re feeling passive agressive) a bill for the two additional guests:
Sister – complimentary
+1 – complimentary
additional two guests 2x $200 

(Not that I would expect her to pay it but it sends a message).

As for the note in the thank you card (or just a seperate letter ideally snail mail though) something between ‘I didn’t realise you were bringing an additional 2 guests and it would have been nice to understand the context/be introduced’ to ‘We were looking forward to sharing the day with those we cared most about so it was a surprise that you choose to extend the invitations to those we didn’t know’ or a simple ‘Thank you for joining. It’s a shame our special day was overshadowed by two uninvited guests who.’

If no one else is standing up to her, what’s the reason? Does she have no understanding of social ettiquette (in which case, why was she even invited!?)? Or is she agressive or rude or generally difficult? She’s obviously upset you and I don’t see the harm in calling her out for doing this- bullys get away with bad things because no one steps up. 

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